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About Iheartcupcakes

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    One Tough Cupcake
  • Birthday March 4

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    baking (hence my username :), Spanish, social justice, singing, dog rescue.

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  1. I sent the letter to the shooter (posted about it) almost a week ago. It will take 3 days or so to get to California and then the prison will open it and do whatever they do before it gets to him. I don't know how long it will take, but I keep checking my mailbox with disappointment. I guess I am afraid of never getting that amends letter. Feeling oddly nervous for some reason. 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Whisper


      I haven't been able to respond to your thread yet, but I was going to ask whether you have tried to get the letter from the parole board. He gave them a copy of the letter and it seems like that makes it a public record. Maybe his documents aren't available to the general public, but if the parole board read a letter that was written to you, why shouldn't you be able to see it? 

      That said, I think he will respond to you, but he might want to talk to his counselor -- or whoever it was who told him not to send it originally -- first. He might also take some time to add to what he wrote before. Did he have a lawyer at the hearing or do you know or can you find out who helped him prepare for it? Maybe you can contact that person if you don't receive a response for a long time and you can't get it from the parole board.

    3. Iheartcupcakes


      Thank you, @Mave :throb: :throb: :throb:

      Thanks, @MeBeMary. I appreciate that so much. It would be really good to finally move past this...23 years later. For the first two decades I buried it and didn't deal with it. I didn't know...I was a kid who wasn't given any tools to heal. I am so trying to change that. 

      @Hoping8 thank you :throb:

      @Whisper It's not...the only thing I am entitled to is the transcript, which I got. I was so hoping the commissioner would read the letter aloud and thus make it part of the transcript, but he didn't. But, if he doesn't reply, I may try to appeal to them through victim services. :throb:

      Yes...I had considered he may add to or even rewrite the letter if he gave the board the original and did not make a copy. I know it hasn't been long enough to worry yet, but I can't help it :/ He did have a lawyer. I have thought about that, too. Thank you for your help, as always :throb:

    4. Whisper


      That's crazy. I guess the system of keeping documents submitted to the parole board confidential was not designed to account for a situation like this, but it still makes me think WTF?

      I understand your impatience and anxiety. Hang in there.

      FWIW, based solely on what I read in the transcript,  I believe he genuinely is remorseful and even though he said he thought you were "collateral damage", I don't think he ever truly felt that way. 

  2. Welcome, Matt. I am so sorry for what you've experienced. All of the feelings you mentioned are common among survivors. Like @MeBeMary said, second guessing is also prevalent. I hope this reassures you to know you are not alone. Amy
  3. Emily Doe...the survivor of Brock Turner, has named herself. Be warned of a flurry of news coverage. I am being tagged in it everywhere, and I can't deal. She named herself for the EXACT same reasons I did. I made the media publish my name because my name is NOT victim, complainant, accuser, or alleged anything. Me asserting, "My name is Amy Stanley!" actually became the title of one piece. Crying in my office at work now after being tagged and reading. I can't take away her pain...and I can't take away mine. Feeling helpless and broken. 

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. goldraindrops


      I thought about you when I read about her today.  I think both of you are amazing.  

      So courageous of both of you to do what you've done for the sake of others.

    3. Iheartcupcakes


      @Whisper I have no words for what you wrote. THANK YOU. Just what I needed to hear. Teary-eyed in a very good way. I will do as you suggested. We will see what comes of it :throb:

    4. Iheartcupcakes


      @goldraindrops Thank you so very much. Others have said they thought of me, too, and that's humbling. 

  4. Welcome, sister. I am so sorry for what happened to you, but I am also glad you found us. We're so happy to have you with us. I hope you find as much love and support here as you need
  5. I am so very sorry for what happened and I am enraged at the fact that you are being threatened and that they are trying to silence you. Keyword...TRYING. You can speak as freely here as you want to. We are here to listen Amy
  6. Hello dear AS family, Thankfully, the conversation around sexual violence has begun to grow and change. Movements like #metoo have been at the forefront. Because of this, we feel it is important to discuss it. By all means, you are allowed to have your own feelings about the movement. We 100% support your decision to participate, abstain, support, or criticize. Like anything in life, #metoo has its own issues. We are aware that it is not perfect. We also want After Silence to be a safe place to have tough conversations. As is noted in the very name of this forum, we never want to silence anyone. We encourage free expression and discussion. However, we have to speak up when it comes to the point that we begin to compare, and thus invalidate, other's experiences. After Silence will be a place where we offer unconditional support, acceptance, and validation. So, it is important that we do not compare trauma in the context that one is lesser than the other. While it is perfectly normal to have thoughts about one's experiences versus your own, it is never okay to deem someone's experiences, feelings, or trauma as less than yours. We choose to identify with people who are hurting. We are mostly all survivors here, and we gain support and understanding through shared experiences and feelings. These very things should unite rather than divide us. Remember that generally, we have no knowledge of the background, context, or history of any survivor. Even someone you know well may keep details and experiences private. Therefore, we need to be especially careful not to judge someone's reaction to trauma, level of suffering, or anything of that nature. For example, someone who has been raped is no more legitimate than someone who has been groped. Someone who is catcalled on the street may suffer every bit as much as someone who has been sexually assaulted. Simply put, trauma is trauma is trauma. The #metoo movement began by including EVERYONE who has suffered any type of sexual trauma, from harassment to rape. While Alyssa Milano did not begin the movement, which was started by Tarana Burke, she brought it more into the spotlight with those very words. Here at AS, we hold the same perspective. Anyone who is a survivor of ANY type of trauma is welcomed and supported here. AS does not gauge anyone's trauma nor do we decide who is qualified to use #metoo. That is an individual choice that belongs to a survivor alone. Survivor, you are valid. No matter what you have or have not experienced, YOU ARE VALID. Your pain, feelings, and your experiences are valid. Thank you for taking the time to read this. AS Moderator Team
  7. You've come to the right place We hear you and we see you. Welcome!
  8. Hi, J. Put whatever you feel, or say nothing at all and just read others' posts, if you wish. There is absolutely no pressure. We are here for you in whatever capacity you need. Welcome!
  9. Hi Deadbolts! I am so sorry you were hurt. You didn't deserve it, and I wish it had never happened to you. You are not alone. We are here for you.
  10. That woman is one I proudly love and call friend. You're amazing and I am so sorry.
  11. I am sure you will be of tremendous help to us We all give and receive, and that is how we support either other. I am so sorry to hear what you both have been through. I am glad to meet you, though
  12. Hi Mel I am so sorry for what you endured. We are here for you.
  13. Speaking English as a second language is a badge of honor! English is not an easy language, and you speak another besides! That's awesome. No one will judge you here I am so sorry for what happened to you. Welcome to our community.
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