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About Iheartcupcakes

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    One Tough Cupcake
  • Birthday March 4

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  • Interests
    Reading, baking (hence my username :), becoming fluent in Spanish, social justice issues, singing, playing with my dog, Pepper, and fostering adoptable dogs.

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  1. Male Victim

    Exactly...there is NO gray area and you are NOT to blame.
  2. Male Victim

    I'm so very sorry that happened to you. You're right that it isn't talked about often. You are welcome here. We hear you and we believe you.
  3. I was asked to speak to Arkansas State University at their main campus this week. I have already been to Southern Arkansas University and Texas A&M - Texarkana. I am happy that professors care about educating their students on how to relate to victims. 

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. MeBeMary


      I am also glad they care about educating their students, but I am also proud at how much of an advocate you have become. I know for certain that you will do great. :up: 

    3. snmls


      This is so great to hear.  Not only am I so inspired by you but it also makes me so happy to see that Universities are putting forth an effort to educate students on this topic. 

    4. StrugglingMama


      ROCKSTAR. I'm gonna need your autograph soon! :throb:

  4. His aunt was at the bank again. I was sitting on the couch waiting on the tellers to complete my deposits. I saw her across the way out of the corner of my eye. I was looking at my phone, so I just continued to do so. I didn't even acknowledge her, although I started to feel sick. I thought she would see me and leave, but she didn't. She pushed her janitor cart all the way across the lobby and walked right in front of me. I could see her continually glancing at me. I never spared her one. I kept texting, and the feeling of fear and helplessness went away. I thought, i don't have to be nice to her anymore. I don't have to be civil. If she addresses me, she'll wish she hadn't. And I felt completely different. Free and capable. Seeing his family is still repulsive, and a gut punch, but it was better. I put a look on my face that said, "Try me, b**ch." She kept walking and disappeared into the bathroom and I didn't see her again. 

    1. Kmkz


      Your strength and determination is amazing. So happy for you that you didn't let her get to you and the feelings caused by his family are improving.

    2. Ian37


      Amy, this is just getting to be absolutely ridiculous. I am so sorry that these wastes of space continue trying to confront you. Good for you for not engaging in what she was trying to start. You do not owe her nor anyone else anything at all. Life is simply way too short to go out of your way being nice to those who are always disrespectful who'll go to any lengths just to start some trouble.


    3. Iheartcupcakes


      Thank you @Kmkz. I appreciate that so much. I think it just hit me that I can be a b**ch to her and that's okay. I am always so focused on being nice, not making a scene, keeping the peace, etc. I was just like, you know what?? NO. I don't HAVE to be nice to her! It was really freeing. 

      @Ian37 It is. She had better stay away. I will continue to simply ignore her as long as she doesn't actively try to speak to me again. 

  5. Quote

    "Rape, by definition, cannot be asked for." How many times have I said that? How many times must those words be repeated? I will keep saying them until every victim blamer is silent. 

    100% agree @Iheartcupcakes

    I don´t know who brought up this damn view that someone "asked for it". I heard similar things in many situations. :notalone::angry::ThankYou:


  6. "Rape, by definition, cannot be asked for." How many times have I said that? How many times must those words be repeated? I will keep saying them until every victim blamer is silent. 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. GaleH


      If she was asking for it why can't he 

    3. GaleH



      I was thinking about this subject today. I was thinking. Hmm what if the definition of rape is described like this.

      the current way it is described is like this: Rape: a sexual act carried out against a persons will. 

      I think it should be changed to: rape:  a sexual act carried out when there is a power imbalance. Changing the against someone's will to power imbalance makes it harder to question whether or not she "wanted it". 

      Because you can't question whether or not there's a power imbalanc. And if there isn't a power imbalance, then it isn't consentual. 

      Power imbalances are in many forms, triggering!!!!!!!!!!!:

      when someone is awake while the other is asleep

      when someone has a weapon and forces someone's body to go where they want, 

      similar to a weopon, when someone's body is forced to be at a school or workplace and they can't leave and a teacher or boss is sexual 

      one person has lots of money and controls it, the other person doesn't and needs it 


      You get the idea 

    4. GaleH


      Typo: if there is a power imbalance than it isn't consentual 

      Also, an age difference can be a power imbalance too 

  7. Just waiting. Waiting for the defense to attack and call me a liar once more. They picked up the transcript from pretrial hearings...not the actual trial. They did that on 12/6. It's 12/20 and they have yet to file their brief on what they are supposedly entitled to an appeal for. I am constantly nauseated. 

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Ian37


      Amy, that is quite the attitude to have! No matter what way these losers try spinning it, you have the truth on your side. The justice system is a joke. That being said. Your strength still happens to show through your fear.


    3. StrugglingMama


      You'd think one ass-kicking by you would be enough for them. 

    4. Iheartcupcakes


      Thank you, @Ian37

      @StrugglingMama You would think!! I didn't just put him away...I buried him. And his pathetic, lying lawyers in the media, no less. I sometimes have to be silly sometimes to make it...I have the Home Alone scene in my mind now where Kevin says, "Do you give up now? Or are you thirsty for more??!" 

  8. I hurt. Exhausted. Anxiety off the charts. Nauseated. Afraid. 

    Can't concentrate. Hard to work. But I'm trying...trying not to be useless.

    Sad. Just want to cry but can't...or won't. Maybe what's even scarier is the very real possibility of not being able to stop.

    Feeling like next week is an evil, insidious monster that is creeping toward me, slowly and certainly. Waiting to devour me. Licking its teeth in anticipation...sharpening its claws. It knows it will destroy...and I can't stop it. 

    It thinks it has won. I will sink, sucked under. Dashed about on rocks and sand...held captive by the rip tide of grief and pain, suffocated...silenced. Completely engulfed. 

    But....it can't last forever. It won't. And when I am free of despair's grip, I will again be the winner. I will come out on the other side, and I will carry on...just like I have from day one of this awful journey. I will fight, and I will change the world...one heart at a time. 

    But now...now I hurt more deeply than there are words for. 

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Painnbroken


      You have every reason to be hurting love. Im sorry that you are.  Sitting with you and very safe gentle hugs to you dear. 

    3. Iheartcupcakes


      @Painnbroken Thank you friend. I am so happy to see you back. Love you!

    4. Painnbroken


      Thank you love and you’re very welcome!  I’m back well trying to be back fully.  Been very triggering and another Anniversary coming up ugh.  Sorry.  Just know you’re not alone my friend and love you too!   :hug:

  9. I was asked to speak to future criminal justice professionals at the university (Texas A&M here in my town) that I graduated from. They want me to speak to them about victimization and what I have gone through, including the SANE process and reporting/trial. Today is the day. I readily agreed but now I am so nervous. I feel like the SANE nurse is another abuser and it's hard. But, I think it's important for these future CJ professionals to know what it's like to be a victim since they will be working with them. I have to do this. I want to beg them to be kind and compassionate with anyone they come into contact with....

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. Iheartcupcakes


      @HiddenHeart I read that with tears in my eyes. Thank you :throb:

    3. HiddenHeart


      Every word is true, dear one. :throb:

    4. snmls


      I'm so happy to hear it went well.  The comment that father gave you is making me teary eyed.  

  10. Thinking of you :throb: 

  11. I just want to say again how thankful I am to have found AS and even more so that you all have accepted and supported me. I am grateful to be a part of this community :throb: Each and every one of you mean the world. 

  12. Fall...cue the worsening flashbacks and nightmares....

    I had one on the way back from lunch and I thought I was going to have to pull over and vomit. It makes me hate myself. I guess because I feel weak, broken, messed up...even though I know that's not accurate. I am trying. 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Free2Fly


      Safe hugs :hug: if okay?

    3. StrugglingMama


      Flashbacks are so very hard. Remember that feelings are liars! They feel so true, but they are lies. You suffering flashbacks and nightmares says nothing bad about you other than that you went through an extremely bad trauma. :throb:


    4. Iheartcupcakes


      Thank you all so much. I need the hugs and @StrugglingMama i needed that reminder....

  13. I figured it out...I was wondering why I took such a dive when it turned to September. I thought well, it's fall now. That's why. The whole season is full of triggers. Then I remembered last night. The monster's birthday is 9/13. I don't want to remember that but I have for years. I've celebrated many of them with him at school. I've made him BIRTHDAY CAKES. And now on this birthday, he is in prison for raping me, robbing me, kidnapping me, burglarizing me, and taking property after he took all of me. I can't reconcile this. It's sick and twisted, and it makes me cry. 

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. patriciag


      So sorry Amy, it is hard when trigger happen :throb:

    3. Juniperberry1900


      Sitting with you, if okay. 

    4. Iheartcupcakes


      Sitters and hugs welcome. Thank you all. 


  14. A survivor handling the burden for 30 years

    I think you did, sir. Welcome. I hope you find all the support and help here that I have.