I hurt. Exhausted. Anxiety off the charts. Nauseated. Afraid.
Can't concentrate. Hard to work. But I'm trying...trying not to be useless.
Sad. Just want to cry but can't...or won't. Maybe what's even scarier is the very real possibility of not being able to stop.
Feeling like next week is an evil, insidious monster that is creeping toward me, slowly and certainly. Waiting to devour me. Licking its teeth in anticipation...sharpening its claws. It knows it will destroy...and I can't stop it.
It thinks it has won. I will sink, sucked under. Dashed about on rocks and sand...held captive by the rip tide of grief and pain, suffocated...silenced. Completely engulfed.
But....it can't last forever. It won't. And when I am free of despair's grip, I will again be the winner. I will come out on the other side, and I will carry on...just like I have from day one of this awful journey. I will fight, and I will change the world...one heart at a time.
But now...now I hurt more deeply than there are words for.