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  1. Today
  2. When ?

    When will i feel safe in my shower, my bath ? When will sleep not be my number one enemy ? When will a trigger just be a part of a gun ? When will I not hate myself for letting others get hurt ? When will i start protecting myself and not them ? When will i feel like a full sexual wife that does not shy away from his touch, his need ? When will i not hate myself for believing he ever loved me, i was anything but a doll to him ? When will his voice fade, not haunt my nights, my thoughts, my ears as i brush my hair ? When will i feel like a capable mom, find my voice and believe i deserve to be heard by her ? When will i look in the mirror and see a 48 year old woman not his little girl ? and When will this get better, when will i feel peace safety confidence faith in myself ? When will i heal, be whole again ?, please tell me when ?
  3. New here

    Hi cunixdr, Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you endured, but you have found a very supportive site. Take your time and look around and know there will not be pressure to post. Sometimes just reading can be of help. If you do become comfortable enough to post, we will be here for you. I wish you the very best on your healing journey. Mary
  4. New to This

    Hi sutureupmyfuture, Welcome to AS. Very sorry for the trauma you've experienced, but you will find tons of support here at AS. I wish you the best on your journey of healing. Mary
  5. I'm back

    @tgdouglas11 I'm very proud of you. I know, who am I? But I am proud of you for fighting so hard. I've come close a few times...always slipping back. But it's progress, not perfection. PTSD is a complicated battle with many set backs. Trust in your faith system and developing a support group are two vital needs. I'm still unsure of this site and if any advice is not good. I want to help. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. Please forgive me if I err. - POM
  6. Yesterday
  7. Candy is dandy.

    You shouldn't apologize for hating him. Do you have a trusted friend or someone else you can move in with?
  8. Nightmare

    Small corners give me comfort, I'm not sure what it'll do for you. The last time I had a nightmare, I went into my closet, sat in the corner and placed my forehead against the wall. I felt safe there.
  9. Haunted

    I'm so proud of you! Some day, I want to be in the same place as you.
  10. that night

    I know I get tired of people telling me to stay strong, too. It's so exhausting trying to push through it. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Butterflies.
  11. "No man is gonna want..."

    I'm glad that you're not feeding into this garbage that she's telling you. You're right, your value shouldn't depend on how much a man wants you. I'm sorry about your mother.
  12. I'm back

    Welcome back @tgdouglas11 Good for you for starting law school! That is huge. I am sorry though that your PTSD is 'reactivated', I found that similar things happened when I went back to school years ago. I'm glad you reached out here. Hoping that you will feel self-empowerment by deciding to help yourself at this time. You're stronger than you think!
  13. New here

    Welcome to After Silence, @cunixdr I am sorry for what happened to you. Please know that you don't have to disclose if/when you are not ready to. Sometimes just sitting amongst other people who 'get it' is enough for a while. You are welcome to do what is best for you to heal, whether it's posting or lurking until you feel ready to post. I wish you all the best.
  14. Scared

    In my heart and thoughts....You're not alone...never alone. - POM
  15. Last week
  16. Scared

    I agree. None of us deserve to be here. You don't deserve to be here. On the other hand, I am thankful that there is a place like this for us, as there is something to be said about being able to go somewhere without pressure or judgment and being understood. You are accepted here and your experiences/struggles are validated. You are not alone. to you, if ok.
  17. Scared

    I am sorry. Anyone here
  18. 1 year anniversary

    Hi Notrust, Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you endured, but as you are finding, this is a very supportive site. It isn't fair that a selfish individual hurt you and you now struggle from his selfish act. I wish you the best as you continue on this healing path. Mary
  19. Cut

    Thanks too... I hope you also find it... the permanent fix...🤗 i already make an appointment with my doctor.. but still. I dont feel like wanna go meet her.. i feel ashamed.. and afraid...
  20. New here

    Hello @cunixdr, welcome to AS. I am sorry to hear of the circumstances that have brought you to AfterSilence, but do hope that being here brings you peace, comfort and healing. The people here are truly wonderful and I am sure you will soon see that you are definitely not alone. Best wishes, Capulet
  21. New here

    Welcome, @cunixdr. I'm sorry for your past and recent trauma, and I hope you find it helpful to be part of this community. There is a lot of support to be had by reading and listening--there are so many experiences that many share. You're not alone.
  22. New here

    Hi cunixdr and welcome to AS. I'm sorry for the trauma from years ago and the recent events that have brought it to the surface, I know first hand just how hard that is to face. AS is a great site in that the people here are supportive, warm, caring and nonjudgemental. You share whatever you want to whenever you want to here totally up to you. Your not alone, it was great to meet you BraveOne
  23. New here

    Hi cunixdr welcome to AS, I'm sorry for the tramua that you have been through. Don't ever worry about sharing here. There is no pressure to share anything. Just take your time looking over the site and remember you are not alone and we are here for you. Patricia
  24. New here

    Hi I'm not really sure what to say, I'm not really ready to talk about what happened. It was years ago, but things happened a few months ago and I've been thinking about it all the time now. I might not post much here, I don't talk much in general anyway. I don't know. I hope you're all doing okay.
  25. Have a horrible migraine & unwell, hate being ill :( 

    1. BraveOne


      Safe and gentle hugs my friend

    2. BraveOne


      Safe and gentle hugs my friend

    3. Free2Fly


      Thank u so much brave,

      my head hurt all over, gonna try to sleep it off.

      hope your doing okay & are safe too.

      safe hugs :hug: back at ya.

  26. The only time you should look back is to see how far you've come, wow have I come a long way

    1. Iheartcupcakes


      YES YOU HAVE. I am so proud of you!

    2. BraveOne


      Thanks that makes me smile really needed the encouragement today.

  27. Police were just at my house, it’s midnight and they woke my parents. I can’t believe this, I trusted you ); couldn’t tell the police officer the truth even tho he was nice.. now my parents are sad and I’m even worse off

    1. Free2Fly


      Safe hugs :hug: if ok?

  28. I'm back

    Hi tgdoughlas, Welcome back to the site. I am very sorry to hear you are struggling right now, but AS is the same supportive site you probably remember. We are here for you and wish you well as you continue down this tricky path of healing. Mary
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