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  1. Yesterday
  2. I'm so sorry you and your mom are going through this. Sending good vibes and well wishes 😊
  3. Welcome @livingmytruth to After Silence. I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support. Good job taking this step in your healing process. You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault. Take your time exploring and post when you are ready. If you have any questions feel free to message me.
  4. Dear livingmutruth I am sorry for all that you have been through. You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy! We are all here for you and we want to support you. You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support. You can post as much or as little as you like. We are here to support you in the way you need. I have found this community to be very helpful. Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little. 
  5. Welcome to AS, @livingmytruth! Your username really reflects your journey right now, which is awesome. It is so difficult to share your story and to even just say, "I am a survivor." To announce that is powerful, full of emotion, and a very big step in healing. So I'm proud of you. I'm sorry for what you've been through that led you here, but I'm so glad that you found your way. We're a really supportive bunch. You're not alone in this...thank you for being here! -Finch
  6. Hello livingmytruth, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am so sorry for the trauma that has lead you here, but do know that you will find all kinds of support here. This community is filled with so many understanding and kind members...they can relate, if not by exact trauma, then by the struggles you face. It is an unfair addition to what we already go thru, but do know you are not alone. Saying those words are very brave and I am glad you realize that. It is a big step to what hopefully is many as you begin the journey of healing. Feel free to look around the site and interact where it fee
  7. Welcome back Dawn. I'm not sure if we've met. I'm here to offer support and sit with you, but if ok. Take care Patti
  8. Hi, @livingmytruth and welcome to After Silence! I'm called Cap and I'm one of the site's moderators. I'm also a survivor of CSA, rape and domestic violence. Speaking your truth and doing so in a safe space among a community of others who can relate is so, VERY empowering! Please know that the shame and embarrassment does not belong to you; it belongs to the person who has given you reason to be here. I am hoping that being here will allow for you to make new connections and to strengthen your support system. You'll soon hear from a member of our Newbie Support Team, who will
  9. Hi all, I can't believe I am doing this. This is the first time I am acknowledging the truth. I have never told anybody that I am a survivor and I am really nervous to post on here. Just joining and seeing all the posts has really helped for some reason. I feel like their is a community here and a place where I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed to be honest. I joined because I don't really know where to go next I don't have anyone in my life I feel like I can open up to without making things hard and difficult. I think this is my next step and I am glad I am being brave and doing this. I just
  10. My mama is still in the hospital in serious condition on the ventilator. Some days are good and others seem like just one more thing going wrong. The pneumonia is still present but slowly declining. Then there are the other things like fluctuating blood pressure, heart rate and blood sugar. Then there is the monitoring of her kidneys which are also declining. She has been on a ventilator for 8 days now. These are the most nerve wracking 8 days ever. I havent heard her voice in 11 days. We did get to see her 1 day. It was hard seeing her connected to all those tubes. I kept watching her
  11. Last week
  12. 8888

    I'm back

    Welcome back @Dawn76! I'm happy to hear the monster moved away but am sorry to hear about everything else. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot. I'm glad you found your way back to us and hope you will find your time here to be benefical. If you have any questions feel free to message me.
  13. Hello dawn76 Welcome back to After Silence! I'm so sorry that things are still tough for you. We are all still here to support you. You don't have to do this alone. Please remember that you are always welcome to lean on us for support. We are always willing to listen. Sending lots of support, missfrier
  14. Catjaz

    Feeling better

    While I am still dealing with all the old memories and new feelings I am doing better. I have talked to my bf and a couple of close friends and its amazing how good just telling someone the truth feels. Thankful that I have these people in my life. Dealing with a lot of anger towards my mother but working through that as well. I know there isn't any need to look to my family for support, other than my daughters, they all want to keep their heads in the sand. I'm hoping I can tell my daughters one day if for no other reason than to explain why their mom was so depressed while they w
  15. @Catjaz Oh my heart goes out to you. I know this pain, very well. I know you are in a sensitive place, so please disregard this information if it is too much or sounds like advice. I'm not a therapist, but I've put a lot of time and work into understanding my own flashbacks. From what I can tell, at the time of the trauma, the part of my brain responsible for communication and processing sensory information got scrambled. The sight, the smell, the feel, the sound, the taste, the emotions, the understanding and the words all get pushed into a temporary storage box called Coping. Ove
  16. Woke up early and helped out with online children's church, topic was the life of Joseph in Egypt and his reunion with his brothers. It went well, I believe, although 20 kids at zoom can be a bit tricky administration-wise. Had coco pancakes for lunch, went out on a walk and podcast, and went home to do dishes and afternoon tea (with jam and crackers). 


  17. Hello @Dawn76. Good to have you back. What you tell sounds intense too say the least. I hope this place can cut you some slack. Yes, there are plenty of newbies, wonderful newbies
  18. Welcome back Dawn! I’m glad you remembered that there is lots of great support here for you. 💙
  19. Thank you for replying, it's nice to be back in a safe space where others understand how I feel. I'm hoping with time phone sessions will become easier, i find it so hard to read a person, without seing their face. I think i often take things the wrong way when i don't have that face to face interaction. Although i think i do it with emails as well. My counsellors last email yesterday had the expression " sometimes you can be like a dog with a bone" i have no idea if that's good or bad! My instant reaction is omg she thinks i'm a dog...obviously i should know better right? My second in
  20. Hello Dawn, A mixed welcome back to you, as I'm sorry struggles still find you, but happy you remembered that you are always welcome here. Yes, the site continues to grow...another thing to have mixed feelings on, for sure. I'm sure you will get acquainted with many of the newer members, as well as catch up a bit with the older members. Kindness still reigns here. I am sorry about your counselor and I wished you still felt that original connection. Perhaps with a little time you will feel that way again. Hugs to your daughter and your father and you. Good riddance to t
  21. Welcome back to AS! I'm still pretty new here, so I haven't met you yet. I'm glad you returned. Though I am very sorry for what you've been through and what you're going through now. It sounds very difficult. I hope your daughter will be ok. Sending healing vibes and prayers to your father as well. Sitting with you, if you'd like. 💜 It makes sense that you would be having lots of panic attacks lately, what with so much going on! And seeing as your counselor left to take care of her health, and now that she's back, she acts a bit more distant. I'm so sorry about that. Doing virtual
  22. Hi everyone. I'm not new here, I've been gone for a few months, but I'm back, alot of new names, I'm sorry for what has brought you all here. I thought I was doing ok, I thought i was handeling life ok, not great but ok. I got myself through day to day life in one piece, and have been there for my daughter and her health struggles. My counselor had her own mental breakdown and was gone for 6 months, she's back now, but i don't know if it feels the same. I don't blame her for breaking down, even the strongest of people break eventually when too much is thrown at them. For her she tel
  23. So, I grabbed my bag that was next to the door and headed to my sister's car. (For full backstory, read the previous post - #20) I had had a few seconds to throw my wallet, sketchbook, a few pads, pencils and liner pens, and water bottle in a little bag. After the first epi shot they had me on an iv bag and the nurse said she'd be checking on me off and on. The iv bag would take about an hour, and sorry there's no tv. Lol. I hadn't even noticed. I asked if she minded if I drew and could she pls hand me my sketchbook? It started as a sketch of the oxygen monitor clipped to m
  24. After pics, Friday morning. Feeling so much better.
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