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- Today
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Welcome to AS @DakotaSun.
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I've been unfaithful!
Free2Fly commented on Capulet's blog entry in A Grain of Salt & A Pound of Chocolate
Hey , safe hugs lol I understand the ups and downs all to well. im not doing so good . thanks for the hugs -
In pain and nauseous. I tried to be intimate with my husband, but the pain was immediately unbearable. He's so sweet, he was immediately only concerned with me. I want to cry. We've never had a great sex life, cause of me. But we can't even try at all now. I worked so hard to be okay and be able to feel safe with sex again but this physical pain is not only bad but re-traumatizes me all over. I hate it.
- Yesterday
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Welcome @Schnitzel! Sorry this is such a long journey for you and I'm guessing that means you have experienced a lot of pain, and the sadness and pain of your losses. I hope you find the support you need and that it makes your path a little bit (or a lot!) easier.
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Welcome to AS @Schnitzel. I'm sorry to hear you've been going through this for so long. I, too, have lost loved ones because of it. I hope that you can feel that you're truly not alone.
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I've been unfaithful!
Capulet commented on Capulet's blog entry in A Grain of Salt & A Pound of Chocolate
Hi, @Free2Fly, Of course! Safe hugs are always okay and loved. I don't think the weight I'm trying to lose is a result of depression - life has been, for the most part, good and since there's always, always ups and downs, I think a good word to use would be 'stable.' I think I just got too comfortable, and just let myself go. I am feeling okay these days, I think I just fell into a rut which I CAN attribute to these ups and downs. Just time to do a little bit of maintenance. I feel so much better having started this weight-loss journey. You will, too, when you're ready. This is something you shouldn't try to do until you are ready to make these positive changes. I feel this was the time for me. I just need a little nudging here and there in order to STAY motivated. I sure miss my "crap" foods, but don't like how enjoying them made me feel afterwards. *shrugs* Hope you are doing okay, Free. Safe hugs back atcha! - Cap -
might trigger: it amazes me how much child molesters get away with in this society and how little they care for those they attempt to cripple for life. if you biologically produce your victim is that ok? no it is not ok. is it ok b.c. it is a relative? no, it is not ok. how long have i spent fighting this to go nowhere. the mental health system, the awful meds and the substandard therapy, does little. what helps? jogging, music, nature, being with animals. i believe the healing herb should be available for free to all survivors, fake hippie type that i am. chocolate. laughing with other friends who know what ive been thru, ones ive made here. every day feels like an uphill battle. society puts on its armour against disabled ppl b.c. nobody wants to feel weak or powerless. in a world that caters to the wealthy and powerful why would ppl like me be considered impt? better to stigmatise and run away and leave them to die i guess. which is what happened. adolf hitler exterminated the disabled, here its a slow form of suicide for disabled ppl. esp if its invisible. nevermind how hard some of us work. if i was married or had that kind of "legitimacy" who would i be? i am a loose cannon and a threat. and that's good. b.c. you cant control me. you can kill my body, but my spirit, like obi wan kenobi, lives on . this planet wages war against anyone or anything that doesnt fit its narrative, the narative of power and greed. the earth, animals, and children pay the most, the vulnerable. the powerful seem to win, but in the end, i truly feel you wont win. at all.
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I've been unfaithful!
Free2Fly commented on Capulet's blog entry in A Grain of Salt & A Pound of Chocolate
Safe hugs if ok? lol clickbait title im glad it's just about food and not the other one lol. well don't feel to bad cause well, just know that there someone else who's let themselves go (myself) hard to believe that I was skinny before then along came depression. just remember there's always tomorrow to fix things , just remember if it ain't broken, don't fix it . safe hugs if ok? -
well i had a mother i guess. i saw you walking today, little carmenita. you are somewhat tall and thin, unlike your big boned daughter. im just tall. i could clean your clock. do i want to? yes, some days. i had to run into you today. i saw M too, why do i always see her, walking along, much like you. you both trigger the fuck out of me. why is it on a bad day i have to run into ppl? thank god i just saw you both from the bus. i got my fish the help it needs, remember when you and your husband said that to me? we'll get you the help you need, you said. why are you so fucking evil, carmenita? tell me why. you fool so many with your disguise. my fish is happy, the puppy was so cute, i felt so alone and broken. why is everyone blessed but me? thats how i feel this night. i am alone and depressed and triggered and tired of it all. how long before we both retire, little carmenita? i am fucking tired, and alone. i am tired of everything. why was i born to fail b.c. your husband raped me, the ;dream of penetration was awful, why am i here, anymore, why to my boys on the warmline, my beautiful ones, to my brother, to my friends on here, my baeutiful ones thank you
- Last week
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I hope everyone is doing well! I have been having a tough time but I am going to share with everyone what I am doing to make the day not just okay but to feel confident. I look at myself and say I am BEAUTIFUL. I am STRONG. I am AMAZING. When I start having the panic attack or even when I am angry I do this process. Breathe in for 4 to 8 count hold for 4 to 8 breathe out for 4 to 8 count how ever long you can handle my co worker runs meditation classes and she has helped me with everything!!
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I cant handle any more stress Im falling to pieces
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I am so proud of every single one of you. <3
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I am very anxious about being judged. But this little kitten has no where to go. She'll be safe and loved here. I just hope my two cats adjust okay, they're such sweethearts. I'm fearful of my mother in law being upset. She tolerates our pets. I wouldn't otherwise take on another animal, but if we don't this kitty won't make it long and no shelters will take her. Got her a bed and toys and such. Will get her here in about 14hrs. I'm awake instead of sleeping. Gonna spend the day cleaning. I need to try to sleep a little more. Just feeling nauseous. Leave it to me to turn fun exciting things into awful feelings. I'm a pro at it. Always fearful of the worst. But though it drives me nuts, I'm always pleasantly surprised when things don't go to shit. Ha.
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Safe hugs
if ok?
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Welcome to AS! I'm so sorry for the trauma you've endured and also the loss of family and friends. You've found a safe place here and people here can relate in their own ways. You're not alone here. Best wishes to you on your healing journey. PB
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Hello @LauraC.S.A.survivor Welcome to AS! I am truly sorry for the trauma you've endured. Please know you're not alone in this. I can relate to a lot that you've said, I know how difficult it is to move forward and to not feel those feelings. Just hang in there and do your best to keep moving forward I do know how hard that is. Best wishes to you on your healing journey. PB
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safe hugs hun. I'm going sleep .always ok for hugs. need a nap my head pounding.
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Your welcome safe hugs if ok? thats a safe way to do it .
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thank you so much for all the support. I finally had the courage to confront my stepfather. I wrote a letter to him and had a friend deliver it to him that he doesn' know. it took me ten years to write this.
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Hi , lovely tattoo , sorry your struggle honestly your not alone kinda going through similar right now actually... I try to keep everything to myself and put on the "happy face" but all the hurts behind it. safe hugs if ok? welcome to as.
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thank you so much
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thank you
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That tattoo is GORGEOUS
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Hi Laura. Welcome to AS. Thats an awesome tattoo, very brave of you to get it. I am very sorry about the years of abuse and the time youve spent trying to heal I know that's hard. Your not alone here, I also struggle with ptsd depression anxiety and bpd many people here struggle with those and other mental illnesses and everyone can relate on some level. Your right the road of a survivor is a very rough road. Sorry about your struggle with si (self injury) and the thoughts about death (I can relate to this one a lot lately) those are very hard to deal with much less get support from people irl that truely understand. Your free here to take your time and share on your terms. One
, I think we should all be proud of ourselves.
