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  3. Welcome to AS, and I’m sorry for what has brought you here. It takes so much strength to come on here and start to process what you have been through. You deserve healing and peace. I hope you find what you are looking for here.
  4. Sending you so much love friend, I haven't been on much, lots of triggers and PTSD things happening (can relate to the fogginess) but I'm think of you and sending you lots of safe hugs (if ok), and healing and peaceful energy. So so grateful for you in my life, and SO excited about your upcoming marriage!!! Hang in there, you bless so many people every day, I'm grateful I know you!!
  5. Last week
  6. Welcome to After Silence! I go by Wanna You did right by coming here, I believe every survivor should have the sense of a community. I understand if picking up therapy feels difficult for you, after such a let down. Here at After Silence, we discuss different ways to heal, cope and to deal with trauma. Many of our members are open about their experiences with therapy and meds. This is a safe place for you to connect with fellow survivors. Our members are kind, creating a warm atmosphere. You decide how much you'd like to visit and share. I am happy you decided to sign up. Please kn
  7. Today marks 26 years since my rape. It's surreal that this much time has gone by while sometimes, it feels as if it were only yesterday. Thank you to those of you who reached out with hugs and words of support and encouragement today - as well as the days leading up to today. I loathe 10/4 with every fiber of my being but knowing you're all thinking of me does help. I just want you all to know that I am doing all right. The last few weeks have been cloudy, and I expect I will remain in a somewhat foggy state until mid-month, but at least the 'day' will be over, soon. I apologize for not
  8. Thank you so much everyone! Made me cry a little. Never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I’m happy to be here. I do want to try therapy again, although I have to hold down a job for a couple months first. Haven’t done that since 2008. I guess I’ve been falling apart for a very long time. Anyway, I look forward to getting to know this community and thanks again for the warm welcome.
  9. Hi forestwhelk and welcome. I am so sorry for what you've been thru and the struggles you are facing. I think many of us ignore or deny that what we've been thru is more than those moments that passed. We do struggle long after, even if we don't understand why. Processing the trauma, especially those that happened when we are children, are very difficult. Our minds were not equipped to understand what was happening and why. Without doubt tho, what we've been thru is wrong and destructive. You did not deserve this. I am glad you found a therapist that you feel more in sync with. You'
  10. Hi flybygone, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am sorry for the trauma you've endure as a child and the struggles you still face today. I understand that prolong realization and acknowledgement of childhood trauma. I've only come to find my own truth a few years ago (I am 54). This community has been such a huge part of me not hiding from my own truth anymore. It was the first time I actually realized that I was not alone and that I was accepted, confusion and all. These survivors are such an amazing group of people. I am glad you decided to join our community. Feel free to look around. Ju
  11. lanie

    confession (tw)

    i need to confess. i am planning on hurting myself tonight, just to see if it still helps me deal. ive been clean almost six years. but in a few days it will have been a year since ive been assaulted. i have all these feelings and i just need some type of release. i just want to see if it will work. im not okay. i have therapy tomorrow so we will see how that goes. my new meds are having weird effects too. i need to call my doctor. i am hurting and i just wish i could breathe. i feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. its just hitting me its been almost a year. i just cant breat
  12. Hi @flybygone Welcome to AS. I'm sorry for the trauma you've experienced, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join. This is a kind and caring community and we are all here to help each other heal. My first therapist as a teenager was not good and honestly did more harm then good to me. That experience turned me off therapy and made me afraid to try it again. It took me several years before I was willing to see another therapist, but I'm so glad I did. My new therapist was wonderful and really showed me that therapy is not the problem, you just have to have the right fit. Don't
  13. Anxiety kept me up for hours last night. Old frustrations mixed with current worry. I managed to fall back to sleep at 5 am and spent the rest of the day trying to catch up with my studying. 

    I have finished off today's agenda, taken a shower and shall spend the rest of my night watching something completely useless. Just trying to push through. Tomorrow is a new day. 

     

  14. @flybygone Welcome to AS, I am sorry for what you've been through... You will find many people here who can relate to you're experiences. I second what Finchy said, you can heal, there is no age limit, and there are trustworthy therapists out there.
  15. Hello and welcome to AS, @flybygone! I'm glad you found your way here. I'm so sorry for what you've been through, however. It was wrong and painful, and you were a child...it was so undeserved. I'm so sorry. It takes time to heal, and it takes time to build up to a point when you feel READY to heal. So it's ok that you're 37. There's no age limit to starting to heal. It's totally normal to be nervous in a new place, too. But please know that you're safe here. AS is filled with kind, caring, and supportive people that have been where you've been. You're not alone. I would suggest
  16. Hi everyone. I’ve recently come to some hard realizations about my past and while a part of me feels relieved to finally have cracked the code to what’s wrong with my life, another part is just completely lost. I’ve tried many medications to deal with depression/bipolar(maybe idk). I tried therapy once and the therapist lied to her superior about me being “resistant” to make herself look better. I never looked for another. I don’t trust very many people at all and try to keep to myself. My panic attacks and anxiety have increased and worsened bc I think I can’t keep this in any longer. It’s
  17. They were trying to cover up their child abuse with child abuse...

  18. Hi @forestwhelk Welcome to AS. I'm sorry for the trauma you have experienced, but I'm glad that you found the site and decided to join. This is a wonderful community filled with so many kind and caring people. We are all here to help each other heal. Sometimes talking with other survivors can help you to feel less alone. Take your time looking around the site and then feel free to post whenever you feel comfortable. Just reading posts is okay too. I hope you end up finding this site to be as helpful as I do.
  19. @forestwhelk Welcome to AS. You will find a lot of people here who can relate to your experience and offer support. I am glad you found us.
  20. Hello @forestwhelk and welcome to After Silence! I go by Wanna. I am sincerely sorry about your trauma and ongoing pain. Getting therapy is a huge milestone, and I am happy you've found a good T. Trauma tends to stay until we actively deal with it. Time can give us distance, but healing begins when we start to process. Healing can feel like we're stuck in a loop, but really the journey includes ups and downs. Having a community can ease those bumps a bit. This is a safe place for you, where you decide the pace, and how much you'd like to share. Our members are kind and create a war
  21. Hi everyone, thanks a lot for having me. I have been working really hard lately to heal from an experience that happened to me as a child, a decade ago. I struggled immensely with my mental and physical health because of it and spent a lot of time depressed/severely dissociating through my school years. My memory from that time is super foggy and unclear, and I had shoved everything I remembered about that time so deep down that I thought I had moved past it-- that is, until my first serious relationship in college turned physical and I started reacting in ways that I didn't understan
  22. hey, i just saw your response to me in Today I Feel…? and i wanted to say thank you; i forgot to send that response in the thread, and i want you to know i truly appreciate all of your words. so truly, thank you so much

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. markeslilja

      markeslilja

      @Andrea1501 feeling very down today and dealing with a lot of pain. also very tired.

      how are you too?

    3. Andrea1501

      Andrea1501

      Sorry that you are feeling very down and tired. Very sorry too that you are dealing with a lot of pain.

      Do you mean emotional or physical pain, or perhaps both?

      I am doing okay, thanks for asking

    4. markeslilja

      markeslilja

      it’s no worries, nothing new. It’s both but the physical pain is flaring recently. 

      it’s good to hear you’re doing okay!

  23. Hi @Haze_D Your poetry is always so powerful and strong! In reading the caption about the conversation with the therapist, I was reminded of an exercise someone on the AS board suggested to me. She said that it had helped her to write her own story out and then to try to read it as if it was someone else's, not her own. I am going to try this, too. I don't really know why, as survivors of sexual abuse, it is so much easier to feel anger on the behalf of others. But maybe this is part of a process and maybe as you continue on in your healing journey, you will strip down more layers and find new
  24. using playlist-y titles just because lmao. i'm so lost man. i have no idea what to do anymore. i'm shit out of luck. no more medication options, no more therapy options. in my fruitless search for therapy i've realized just how little society actually gives a single shit about people like me. a family member told me i'm in the leading wave of trans people that led to further research into how to aid trans people in the future, and that's true. every generation of trans people has paved the path for the next. as grateful as i am to have been born when i was (if i had to be born at all anyw
  25. Earlier
  26. @smiley_3Ditto to what everyone said and "it wasn't my fault" is just seeping in after years of recovery. Recovery is a marathon not a sprint. Don't give up before the miracle happens.
  27. Thank you to each and every one of you for such a warm welcome. Your words of kindness, encouragement, and understanding are so helpful. I'm looking forward to sharing and learning more from this community. Thank you!
  28. Hi Finchy, Thanks for your compassionate welcome. "You didn't deserve to be abused" and "It was not your fault" really hit me hard... in a good way. I think I'm still working on truly believing those statements myself.
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