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  1. Welcome to AS Coben. I'm sorry you have reason to be here. But you'll find everyone really supportive. Hopefully we'll see you around the boards. Take care, Forest x
  2. Hi, Welcome (back) to AS. I'm so sorry you have a reason to be here. Please don't beat yourself up. The recovery journey is not linear. There will be good times and there will be bad times. We just have to learn to ride the waves as best we can. Coming here and chatting with people is a great coping strategy that you can add to your arsenal. Take care, Forest x
  3. Welcome to AS - I'm sorry you have a reason to be here. But you absolutely belong. Coersing someone into something sexual is abuse. We don't compare - everyone's story is equally valid. Sitting with you as you begin to work through this. Forest x
  4. So I'm involved in a relationship for like the first time in years - over a decade. I've stayed well clear of men since my r*pe. But Idk, he seems kinda nice. But I'm freaking out about the sex side of things. He's gonna want sex and I don't know that I can. The only thing that comes to mind when I think of sex is how disgusting and painful and that no-one could possibly look past what happened to me and see me as clean. I can't see me as clean. So how do I cope with it? How do I enjoy it again? How do I feel safe? Urgh! How do I even have a conversation with him about all my hang-u
  5. So my T who I've had for 3 years is leaving and it's really unsettled me. He's been like a rock in my life even though I've not been able to talk to him about a lot of things like how I feel about things because I so often don't know. And now that he's leaving I've started to feel - a lot. I've gone from numb to a wreck. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to process it. I don't want to be numb again. But I don't want to feel out of control with my feelings. I'd like them to just be 'normal' and tolerable. But I don't know how to make them that. I also have a partner it see
  6. That's really helpful @feralcat. I wonder if they might pin this post?
  7. Hi Chump Welcome to AS. I'm sorry about things that have brought you here, but hopefully you'll find support and new friends here on AS. I understand why you feel conflicted about feeling happy re. finding AS. I can remember feeling (and still do) both happy and sad at the same time. But I am glad that you found us. Forest x
  8. OMG!!! She is just the cutest 🥰
  9. I'm much the same Cap - I don't know where I'll be in 3 minutes, let alone 3 years. I get through by going from moment to moment. I think it's okay to say I don't know, or perhaps these are some thoughts of places/points in my life I think I'd like to be at then, even if you don't have a concrete idea of things. I also think it would be good to take in what you've written above to say that this is what your instinctive reaction was to the question, then when you took a step back you noticed xyz (what you've said above), but trying to write one more focused on you has been harder. It'll be
  10. Hey Capulet, That's a lot of thinking you've put in. Just a thought though - a lot of it is about where you envisage the loved ones around/surrounding you to be in 3 years. It doesn't actually explicitly say where you'll be in 3 years. What about delving into your relationships with those loved ones and how you think they've have changed in 3 years time, and how you think you'll feel about that? Or possible if there's something you are doing e.g. studying, how your life may be different (or not) in 3 years etc... Rather than a 'it could be this or this', try a more ' this is how I se
  11. Hi Rosedoll, Welcome to AS. Safe hugs if okay, Forest x
  12. Hey panket, Welcome to AS. You're safe here. And although you probably won't believe me, you are in no way an 'ultra-pathetic subhuman creature'. You are You, and that's just fine. See you around the boards. Forest x
  13. Hi Solace, Welcome to AS. I'm sorry for what has brought you here, but I am glad that you have taken the step to join us. You will find a great many supportive people on this forum, and a topic for almost everything (including a space for laughter ). There is also a space for your husband to discuss things / ask questions if he too wants to create an account (under secondary survivors). Take your time and have a look around. You're welcome to inbox me if you have further questions. The recovery journey is often long and very bumpy, but we are here to support you. Forest x
  14. So life moved on and I started school. Being a child with epilepsy in main stream school was quite a new thing in those days - they hadn't long since stopped locking us up in institutions (which is another story) and the general public were terrified and highly ignorant of the condition - still are today - so my teachers weren't exactly looking forward to having me in their classes. It wasn't long before I was being bullied, and I mean extreme institutional systematic bullying by everybody in my year group, and kids from the year groups above me and below me. Apart from absolutely no-one al
  15. Initial important people - my mum, dad, and 4 year older sister. My dad was a police officer we I was born and until I was 9, and my mum had been until my sister had been born - it was where they met. My dad's background was from a slightly wealthier family from my mum's in that his family could afford to rent a property when he was growing up, whilst my mum grew up in a rather nasty fight for survival type council estate. I probably do need to say something about their backgrounds really. So my dad was the youngest of 4 children, and my gran (his mum) had come from wealth. She had b
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