behindthesehazeleyes

Nice to meet you. Theres lots of great support here.

Let me just say...that I also relate so much to this. I couldve been typing most of this myself. Though I won't always admit these things...many are true for me as well...idk why the self hate thing with not brushing teeth or any self care. It is ALWAYS a struggle for me.

I understand this. There's actually this book called boundaries that my therapist suggested that i am reading now. The hard truth is...if you want them to stop, you're gonna have to plainly tell them...sometimes more than once. It sounds like whatever happened it didn't affect them the way it did you. You need to make sure they knownthat and that they respect that you need them to not talk about it....or at least not talk about details anymore.

Im sorry hun...but i understand. Do you have someone to talk to? Its easy to get caught up and then all of a sudden youre smaller or sicker than you thought. Here if you wanna talk

I have been drinking so maybe i can sleep...my si urges wont do away...i contacted an ex which was stupid...yet again. Im hoping my T will be able to start weekly therapy. I think if i dont get a handle on this i will never get proper sleep...and im sure hed say drinking so i can sleep is not healthy

Welcome to the forum. I’m sorry you were in bad relationships for so long. I’m glad you are out of them. Good for you on taking that step. It isn’t easy by any means. *safe hugs*

*waves* nice to meet you! You’re English is really good for it not being your first language

You’re welcome. Really glad I can help ❤️

*sits with you*

Thank you for posting this. *hugs if ok*

Yay! That’s so good...I have tried to become the same way...it’s a process. I find truth very important....being truthful about my emotions is what is so hard for me, I think because if I am being truthful with them, and saying it out loud..I have to be truthful with myself, which is much harder. Good for you for not sensoring yourself for others. I have had a lifetime of it and it gets very exhausting and I don’t think it’s healthy.

I can't sleep. Often at night, I get this phantom feeling that someone is touching me. I think its my mind remembering when I wanted to scream "don't touch me!" All those times. Especially the first time. And I can't get peace now. My mind keeps reliving that helpless feeling. I just want to go back in time and have the awareness of mind to say "don't touch me" and get away from him. First comes the shame and self pity then comes the anger. At him. At myself. Mostly At myself.

*sits with you*