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wolfennights

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About wolfennights

  • Rank
    Trans, She and Her Pronouns Please

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Midwest, USA
  • Interests
    Computer Programming

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

Recent Profile Visitors

16,155 profile views
  1. This must have been very hard for you to write. As for why you trusted him, you were a child/student and he was a teacher/adult. He was someone who was supposed to protect and nurture you, someone you and all your classmates were supposed to trust. He took advantage of that trust. You didn't do anything wrong.
  2. My disabilities and birth defects made me a stressful child and i was the youngest of three. Children are not little adults. Feeding your child and taking them to the doctor doesn't earn you "mother of the century" awards. I feel so hurt and ignored and like an object around you, mom. All my life. I shouldn't feel more safe and loved by my doctors and teachers and occupational therapists. So many times I wanted them to take me home instead. I don't believe you or anyone else when you say you loved me. The logic i followed for Tyler was the same logic i applied to you. That love meant doing whatever this person wanted at the expense of your own feelings. My friends have said you take responsibilty for all my successes. You only bring up my struggles when you think I'm not trying hard enough. Well guess what. I am not defective. I deserve love and protection regardless of b what i "give back." There's no-one better to be than me.
  3. What forum would a post about parents being functional alcoholics growing up be put under?

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      I am sorry you experienced this. :(

      I believe this type topic could fit under a few different forums, depending on how you wanted to discuss it.

      1. Psychological Well-being, if it is about it effected you.
      2. Venting, if it something you need to...well vent it.
      3. Aftermath, if it really is a bit of everything.

      Sitting with you, if you like. :hug: if ok.

  4. I never expected a band named Ninja S*x Party would help me process and heal from my own trauma but here we are.

  5. maybe one day I'll Learn to stop apologizing for being human.

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Sitting with you. :hug:  if ok.

    2. 8888

      8888

      I need to learn this too.  :hug:from me too if wanted.

  6. might be facing homelessness and car-lessness in December, week before finals week of my last semester of my Bachelor's.

    1. snmls

      snmls

      I'm sorry to hear this.  I hope it doesn't get to that point.

    2. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      I'm sorry this is a possibility. Sending positive thoughts for many good things to you. :hug: 

    3. Fireflies

      Fireflies

      Praying that you'll have a safe place to stay, reliable transportation and that you ace your finals!  

  7. 3 nights of hell, immortality spell

    Light up the sky, make it through the darkness

    The wind will blow, our fire will burn again

    1. wolfennights

      wolfennights

      Source is Blood Tears Dust by Lacuna Coil. Video can be really triggering, but I personally find it cathartic.

  8. anyone available to talk or send affirming messages? i keep repeating in my head that what i went thru wasnt that bad. It's like im in denial again. I dont feel like i was ever innocent. I dont even think i know what innocence means. 

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Denial is sadly common. You were hurt and that is and never will be right. You were innocent and if you don't feel it anymore, it just means it was stolen from you. :hammer:

      You never deserved this, but you deserve to heal, wolfennights.

      Sitting with you. :hug: to spare, if ok.

    2. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      You are totally innocent. Wolfen. TOTALLY. There is literally NOTHING you could do to make someone be evil. There is nothing you could do or have done to make someone hurt you. That is THEIR choice, and it is THEIR fault alone. 

      Denial is common...so is minimization. We can't say your trauma wasn't "that bad," because comparing trauma is inaccurate. Trauma is trauma is trauma. All that matters is how you feel, and all of your feelings are valid. :throb:

    3. wolfennights

      wolfennights

      @MeBeMary and @Iheartcupcakes thank you. I have since gotten back in touch with the vindication and retribution thanks to heavy metal. ❤️

  9. got told that i "flaunt my trauma" tonight.

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      I hope you laughed at their ignorance and stupidity.  That's what comments like that are chalked up to.  Please don't take them seriously.  Instead, you keep your head held up high, hang in there, and talk about whatever it is you need to talk about. You deserve to heal, and sometimes, the only way we can is to discuss it and give it the attention it warrants. :throb:  Sending hugs.

    2. snmls

      snmls

      I'm sorry.  That was a really insensitive thing for someone to say.  

  10. Turns out wanting to be someone's Knight in Shining Armor is just codependency in disguise!

  11. anyone else hate being told "i love you"?

    1. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hug :hug: if ok?

      im sorry it's like that for u.

    2. EmptyInside

      EmptyInside

      I can just about cope with my parents (safe peoples who I live with) telling me occasionally that they love me, my brothers could probably get away with it if it was an emotional time. But anyone else? Heck no, I hate it! It makes me feel really awkward and put on the spot. My ex used to tell me he loved me (he was a bad man) and used to make me say it back. But my awkwardness and refusal to say I loved anyone stemmed from much earlier... I don’t feel many emotions and the ones I do feel are rarely strong enough to act on (schizoid personality disorder).

      I hate being told someone loves me partly because it is expected for you to return the sentiments (and love is sadly not an affection I feel so it would be a lie or at least an empty gesture) and partly because it makes me cringe and feel really anxious.

    3. Capulet

      Capulet

      Can definitely understand that!  I think, for me, it depends on the person. 

      Be gentle with yourself.  Here if you ever need to talk.

  12. More nightmares this semester, almost daily...

    1. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug: if ok? 

  13. For those that need it, this is a very relaxing video with instrumental music set to shots of baby animals in nature. Perfect for your inner child.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzrHvwWjXEs

    1. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Hey :) , will check it out when I get a bit of time.

      how u? Hope ur doing ok :) 

  14. .

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. wolfennights

      wolfennights

      Oh, sorry, i posted a message saying hi but it felt too forward so i tried to delete it. I like your name tho.

    3. Rikusgrl

      Rikusgrl

      Ohhhh hi 😊

    4. wolfennights

      wolfennights

      hi, sorry, i didnt see this til now. But yeah, my message was me complimenting your username cus im a fan of Kingdom Hearts 2 and see Riku's struggle with the darkness as a metaphor for trauma.

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