wolfennights
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trigger warning 15-dirty deeds
wolfennights commented on samantha2009's blog entry in into the cave we wander
This must have been very hard for you to write. As for why you trusted him, you were a child/student and he was a teacher/adult. He was someone who was supposed to protect and nurture you, someone you and all your classmates were supposed to trust. He took advantage of that trust. You didn't do anything wrong. -
My disabilities and birth defects made me a stressful child and i was the youngest of three. Children are not little adults. Feeding your child and taking them to the doctor doesn't earn you "mother of the century" awards. I feel so hurt and ignored and like an object around you, mom. All my life. I shouldn't feel more safe and loved by my doctors and teachers and occupational therapists. So many times I wanted them to take me home instead. I don't believe you or anyone else when you say you loved me. The logic i followed for Tyler was the same logic i applied to you. That love meant doing whatever this person wanted at the expense of your own feelings. My friends have said you take responsibilty for all my successes. You only bring up my struggles when you think I'm not trying hard enough. Well guess what. I am not defective. I deserve love and protection regardless of b what i "give back." There's no-one better to be than me.
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What forum would a post about parents being functional alcoholics growing up be put under?
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I am sorry you experienced this.
I believe this type topic could fit under a few different forums, depending on how you wanted to discuss it.
- Psychological Well-being, if it is about it effected you.
- Venting, if it something you need to...well vent it.
- Aftermath, if it really is a bit of everything.
Sitting with you, if you like.
if ok.
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I never expected a band named Ninja S*x Party would help me process and heal from my own trauma but here we are.
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maybe one day I'll Learn to stop apologizing for being human.
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might be facing homelessness and car-lessness in December, week before finals week of my last semester of my Bachelor's.
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3 nights of hell, immortality spell
Light up the sky, make it through the darkness
The wind will blow, our fire will burn again
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anyone available to talk or send affirming messages? i keep repeating in my head that what i went thru wasnt that bad. It's like im in denial again. I dont feel like i was ever innocent. I dont even think i know what innocence means.
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You are totally innocent. Wolfen. TOTALLY. There is literally NOTHING you could do to make someone be evil. There is nothing you could do or have done to make someone hurt you. That is THEIR choice, and it is THEIR fault alone.
Denial is common...so is minimization. We can't say your trauma wasn't "that bad," because comparing trauma is inaccurate. Trauma is trauma is trauma. All that matters is how you feel, and all of your feelings are valid.
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@MeBeMary and @Iheartcupcakes thank you. I have since gotten back in touch with the vindication and retribution thanks to heavy metal. ❤️
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got told that i "flaunt my trauma" tonight.
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I hope you laughed at their ignorance and stupidity. That's what comments like that are chalked up to. Please don't take them seriously. Instead, you keep your head held up high, hang in there, and talk about whatever it is you need to talk about. You deserve to heal, and sometimes, the only way we can is to discuss it and give it the attention it warrants.
Sending hugs.
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Turns out wanting to be someone's Knight in Shining Armor is just codependency in disguise!
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anyone else hate being told "i love you"?
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I can just about cope with my parents (safe peoples who I live with) telling me occasionally that they love me, my brothers could probably get away with it if it was an emotional time. But anyone else? Heck no, I hate it! It makes me feel really awkward and put on the spot. My ex used to tell me he loved me (he was a bad man) and used to make me say it back. But my awkwardness and refusal to say I loved anyone stemmed from much earlier... I don’t feel many emotions and the ones I do feel are rarely strong enough to act on (schizoid personality disorder).
I hate being told someone loves me partly because it is expected for you to return the sentiments (and love is sadly not an affection I feel so it would be a lie or at least an empty gesture) and partly because it makes me cringe and feel really anxious.
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For those that need it, this is a very relaxing video with instrumental music set to shots of baby animals in nature. Perfect for your inner child.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzrHvwWjXEs -
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, will check it out when I get a bit of time.
