wolfennights
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Someone with spoons message me so I can vent. I need to let out the feelings I repressed for 20 years.
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I'll have to remember to write a thread about all the weird, lonely, depressing dreams I had shortly after my trauma as a child and the two years after that I repressed them until I was completely numb to it and in denial as a teenager and young adult. All those little signs I ignored and that if the right person had noticed I could have gotten help sooner.
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Hi Morgen. I am Brianna. I am a trans woman. I am on HRT as well. Glad to see another trans person here, even if its not under ideal circumstances. Have you ever heard of Against Me? The lead singer is a trans woman. I actually started questioning my gender because of her. My gf is also genderfluid and demisexual, and my roommate is a trans woman as well. Its so nice having a community of other lgbt people.
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some1 in a listening mood mind messaging me. slight tw for trauma/brainwierd stuff but nothing graphic or urgent.
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When do you stop feeling like you belong to your abuser?
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I had a dream where my real mom died right around the time of my trauma and was replaced with the person who I knew from then on as my mother. In my dream, I cried angrily to my dad for not having any photos or mementos of her, and crying alone for my lost childhood since the mother I had grown up with was narcissistic and overly critical and emotionally abusive. Then I woke up and realized that no, she is my biological mother. There is no other family waiting for their lost daughter to return.
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I like the way I (mis)heard the lyrics from one of my favorite bands: "Delusions of autonomy, I surrendered my identity." As well as the lyrics from another one of their songs "Don't it seem so detached and unrealDon't it seem so far awayLike the past never happenedLike nothing's ever changed " It's hard to say how it made me feel because I was so young when it happened that the feeling of violation and humiliation was all I knew.
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Anyone have any songs by survivors, whether about their trauma or otherwise?
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(more than five but meh) If I was a "real" girl, would you still have made me do those things?
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That people will say that it was just "kids being kids" or that I made it all up because it was so long ago and I was so young, or that I wanted to do it, or that I deserved it because I wasn't acting according to my assigned gender, that people will tell me I'm overreacting, or that my abuser was abused too and thus make me feel like I'm the same as him, that because it took me so long to realize that it couldn't have happened, that my gender identity and sexual orientation are caused by the abuse.
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Does my rommate know how to do qnything other than make me feel self conscious about things I try really hard on that she does either effortlessly or BECAUSE she's had lots of practice in?
yes you are!
You certainly are!
