Hawkgirl

Section Moderator
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About Hawkgirl

  • Rank
    Survivor Warrior

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Thanagarian Homeworld
  • Interests
    Photography, Writing, Reading, Books, Sci-Fi, Comic Books, Baseball and other geeky goodness. Music, ASL, Meditation, Prayer, Retreats, Mountains and Opera.

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

Recent Profile Visitors

2,490 profile views
  1. Loading a profile pic is done differently. Let me see if I can find the post on it. I have not figured out how to do a cover pic. Gravatar is the way to upload a profile pic.
  2. Hello @someone934 Welcome to AS. It is a very caring and supportive community here.
  3. @JustSam Thank you for writing this. When I first read this I thought about everything I had been through. I knew what they did was deliberate. It wasn't anything they accidentally did and it wasn't a bunch of child's play. I think the thing I think about the most is what would my life had been like had I not gone through that. I had held on to dreams of marriage and family and even after being proposed to I turned the guy down. In retrospect, my family should have been there. My mother should have thought for herself and not listened to her often drunken and high husband. I wonder what I would have been like. I know what I am like now. I see where I have grown. I see where I still need to grow.
  4. @limbodante No, you aren't an idiot for wanting things to be better than they were. She didn't treat you right. She hurt you. When we look at things in retrospect, it is always so many red flags because hindsight is crystal clear. Please be good to yourself.
  5. Hi Izz, Welcome to AS.
  6. @msmary Welcome to AS.
  7. First I need to apologize for not replying to anyone on the show of support for my last blog entry. My thoughts were jumbled together and I was unable to really say much. The visit with the surgeon was in short devastating. His decision to call the transplant coordinator was equally painful. My tears have now dried and I am no longer thinking of quitting so I can at least write a little now. The thought of waiting two years is a bit much. I don't have the energy to wait that long. I sort of thought that might be the response of the transplant team. Still I am in the process of processing everything. I have gone silent IRL and with the exception of the occasional email, I don't really say much of anything. I hurt a lot right now but it is lessening some. I am fidgeting a lot more so I am employing my spinners more frequently. I am debating speaking to my doctor about anxiety meds but I don't know about that just yet. I have to do more research on it. I will likely need to find something I am not allergic to as well. I am finding this process a bit taxing. I am not going to quit. I am going to keep swinging for the fences.
  8. Been thinking about you :hug:

    1. Hawkgirl

      Hawkgirl

      @patriciag  Thank you.  Sending you hugs.  Praying for you too. :hug:

  9. Then the Surgeon Said

    I did follow up yesterday from the surgery I had for cancer. Much to my surprise, his tune was far different than that of the endocrinologist. She was upbeat, optimistic and looking forward to me being transplanted. My visit with the surgeon deep sixed those plans and I was taken aback. The cancer wasn't contained to the thyroid as originally thought. It had spread to the lymph nodes. Now it is a matter of getting those nodes removed. To say I was blown away is an understatement. I cried. We were totally unprepared for this. Completely and totally unprepared. Now hearing that they are fiddling with health care it makes me wonder if we are headed for another Great Depression. I have spent the better part of the day trying to process yesterday's doctor's visit. It was overwhelming and I am searching for the bright spot in this. I know there is a bright spot. It is still treatable. It is not hopeless or useless. It is going to be ok. Things just hurt right now. So next step, more surgery followed by radiation.
  10. Hi Queenie, Welcome to AS! There is always someone listening here like the others have said.
  11. Sending you safe hugs.
  12. Powerful,

    I was wondering how you are.  Just wanted say hi.  Hope you are well.  Sending you safe hugs if ok :hug:

  13. @BreakMyShell , Wonderfullly written but I must disagree with you on one aspect, you are not a loser. I am sorry that kid was so rude and disrespectful to you. It takes special people to work with children. If no one else tells you, you are a hero.
  14. It's kelliah992. I thought about your post all day and even looked it up. You are right about your post. I just don't know if that changes anything for me.

  15. I told my best friend and she had her own story to tell. I told my mother who in turn told my stepfather. He pitched a fit and accused me of making it up to tear the family apart. He didn't tell her he called me a s***, w**** and b****. I eventually told my godmother who also had a story of her own to tell. We agreed not to tell my godfather or uncle as both would have gone to prison for their actions. So they don't know. The family expects that I can just "get over it". My mother doesn't but it is hard to tell where she is on things like letting me know when they are coming over. She doesn't do this so I get to hear their voices and their laughter etc. I am supposed to be ok with it but honestly, I am not. The first time I had cancer was the last time my stepbrother was in my room. Two years ago, he stopped over. I looked up to an open door and there he is. He said he just wanted to see how I was doing. I am going to watch a movie now.