Jump to content
Some browsers are having difficulty with functionality. Please try an alternative browser, if this is happening to you. If you are having connectivity issues beyond this or or need assistance, email us at: aftersilence.moderators@gmail.com! ×


  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About PearlofMary

  • Rank

Profile Information

  • Gender

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType

Recent Profile Visitors

3,457 profile views
  1. @twentyYrsAngry Hi! The r* for me was at 5. Buried for about 21 years... Unearthed now for 35+. It's all denied by family and community. Hurts like the dickens in that situation. Especially when children have no faith in Mom who was labeled as "crazy' all the while they were in late grade school on. My faith in God is what got me through. God actually opened the doors and explained, then showed, then has walked with me through it all. Being 'crazy' means having a diagnosis of different from others by people who don't understand the difference. I'm accustomed to it now. But n
  2. @whitetempest Welcome. I'm not staff, just a friend if you ever need someone to talk to. I'm sorry for the things that brought you here, but welcome. I hope you find hope, friends and above all peace in your heart.-POM
  3. PearlofMary

    New Kitten

    There's a dot on my page. The full page is white and in the space between is a dot. I've heard the analogy before. If you have, you know what i refer to is a way of limiting the power of the dot. For the rest of the page, like the rest of the story can be forgotten in the moment the blotch occurred. I physically had to forget to be able to forge on as a child. I mentally had to remember as an adult to move on and to heal properly. I would not have ever survived either incident if i did not have a knowledge of God. I was attacked physically and mentally as a child and then a
  4. @Sky Lark This is in the ""Welcome" section and may not be secure. - POM "
  5. Dearest Capulet, I've been working on my 'puzzle' too for years. Little light bulbs illuminate a lot of pain and trauma and help in the journey. It's an awe - aha moment and it makes all the difference going forward. You do wonderful blogging. I hope you have a string of lights to follow and darkness flees, in Jesus' name . - POM
  6. This is isn't easy.  Ever.  But the truth is, I'm able to help because of this.  There's no permanent, irrefutable peace involved in any of it.  My family suffered for decades because of it.  I still harbor grief in that alone, yet when a woman who's lost her children to foster care steps into my life, i know I can help her.  When a woman who experienced an iota of what I have comes through, it's that too.  God has a plan for each of us.  Reminding myself often that THIS IS NOT MY HOME...is the best remedy next to the truth of the GOd in heaven who exists in my heart.  jesus experienced extreme torture...and THEN died on the cross which was extreme cross torture for he basically suffocated.  Yet, after He rose again, He took charge.  Praise God.  He sits at the right hand of God and He will come again to judge the living and the dead.  I PRAY for the perps that destroyed me and my family.  That's all i can do.  I pray for the city "judges' who gossip about me and tried in their own way to destroy me.  And i cry for the loss of my precious family both as a child and as an adult.  I claim the victory of this...My children are Born again Christians who KNOW Jesus loves them.  While we don't have the greatest love relationship, we have a relationship and talk together at times.  They don't understand the events of the past.  but that's ok for me.  I just want you to know, I love you...for who you are.  You're not alone...and that, while I have difficulty counseling to this, I pray for you.  And most of all, I pray you come to know Jesus as your savior.  We'll all leave this earth someday.  Perhaps soon.  If this is my only opportunity to introduce you to God....let this be an opportunity.  Jesus is real.  God is LOVE.  Period.  He does not PUT these heinous crimes on us.  It is the work of Satan.  The worst deception of Satan is to blame God...and further separate our LOrd from his dear children.   Satan now tries to erase God from our hearts and destroy our minds.  Live knowing God loves you.  LIve Victoriously.  You can, every time you reach out to help another victim of this horrible crime.  Victory isn't a cheerleaders tune.  Sometimes it's fierce and angry...and it fights for the right to be heard.  Many times it is.  Sometimes its silent and gentle and holds a hand.  Victory is love to another who knows the suffering and leading the way for them.  Blessings. -POM

  7. @Lonelygirl13 I'm sorry it's a rough storm, but like all the storms of life, it has highs and lows...and even stops sometimes. You don't have to be alone. I'm sorry it's so hard. Use your supports as much as you can and as often as you need. This pain is horrific and it doesn't seem to get easier, but it will. If you have faith, turn to it. It makes it so much better. I took well over 40 years just to accept it and to understand, even as I had a patented excuse, my behavior still had to change. I fought and drank my way through and nearly destroyed myself. 🌺 I couldn't find a rose,
  8. PearlofMary


    @jessica329 Thank you for sharing that. Blessings. -POM
  9. PearlofMary


    I'm doing ok but still... I want to know I'm not alone. I want to know this isn't just my problem...though I hate it belongs to anyone. I want to know peace and hope so well. I'm uncomfortable with peace and hope. I love the life I have. It's hard but still, I am stronger for it...and I am a better warrior. Still. -POM
  10. Welcome @Navias85 I like your acronym too, or acrostic. It's a beautiful statement that leads to recovery. I'm sorry for the trauma and wish it weren't. You are strong and courageous. You will see just how strong someday. You've found a good place to come. -POM Forgive the pearls...can't get them out of there


    Matthew 13:44-46 ~  Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.

    It is estimated that out of three tons of pearl oysters, only about three of them will have a perfectly-formed pearl. Given everything that is required in order for a pearl to develop, it’s not surprising that so few are produced. An oyster’s shell is made from an organ called the mantle. Using minerals from the oyster’s food as an energy source, the mantle expands, which leads to the shell’s growth. The interior of the shell is lined with a material called nacre, which is also produced by the mantle. In order for a pearl to develop, an irritant–typically a parasite of some sort–must situate itself between the oyster’s shell and mantle. When this particle sets in, it irritates the oyster and, in an effort to protect itself, the mantle begins to cover the foreign object with layers of nacre. As time passes, these layers eventually form a pearl. Typically, this takes about three to five years. (This according to ehow.com)

    Is it any wonder real pearls are so costly! A jewel in the house of the Lord is much the same.  Out of the congregation of the Lord it is said that only 10% are doing the actual work of the ministry, for which I tend to agree from my travels. They are rare and priceless. It is not to say that many others are not beautiful people making great contribution, but the pearls are those hand selected by God out of an ocean of possibilities.

    They’ve gotten there through great irritation!

    Be successful in leadership and you’ll understand completely how that pearl gets formed. Every struggle in the ministry, attack of Satan, complaint from the people, personal struggle, sickness and distraction is an irritant that has to be covered. There’s work to be done. So sometimes you wear a “slimy” smile that feels icky but it covers up the pain in your core. And before long that problem is smoothed over and you can rest a while until another issue arises and another layer of kindness or understanding is needed to get through. And much like that iridescent shine created on the pearl as layer after layer of nacre are made, a successful leader begins to shine too.

    Successful leaders are not people who have their world completely in hand and under control. Oh contraire! Many, if not most that I know, are exactly the opposite. They have the same issues as everyone else if not worse but they choose to put them aside for the greater cause; which is the people of God and service to the Lord.

    They’ve gotten there through many intervals

    True leadership is not appointed by position, it’s positioned by appointment. It takes experience to be a leader, and most of those experiences have been a divine appointment from the Creator to train His leaders. Often times because of the politics of the day people are appointed into positions they are not qualified to have, and it inevitably wreaks havoc on an organization.  It takes time to become a great leader.

    They’re not imitations

    Man can create a pearl that looks almost as lovely as the real deal, but the real pearls are rare, priceless, heavily sought and have gotten to that point by years of heartache and struggle. Successful leaders are those who use the irritants of life as a polish their personalities. They identify with understand the struggles of those they lead because they’ve been there. Just as our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ does.

    Are you a pearl of great price? Perhaps you’re still in the formation stage. Use those irritants of life to polish yourself into a leader that can be used for the Kingdom’s glory. Amen!

  12. PearlofMary


    I just read an article about bullying/intimidation. There is no worse intimidation than "r". Overcoming what happened, while not easy, may not be the hardest thing to take to task. Overcoming hatred from others for their indifference. Have you ever experienced an attitude of "I'm better than you?" when you've shared. Or have you been told, "that's a lie?" or "If that happened, why did you live promiscuously?" However, this article talked on a biblical way to deal with intimidation. It comes from The Sermon on the Mount...the most incredible sermon. I'm sharing it. I"m reaching out to a
  13. PearlofMary


    I've been struggling for some time with an issue....let's just say Chocolate...and I stopped going there for a time...a couple of weeks. Life was good. Suddenly, it's all about chocolate again, literally. I'm not ashamed or mad; just apathetic. Yet I reconsider or briefly Consider my behavior before I do it. tonight I read a note that made good sense. "Our actions won't change, until we change our minds". (Joyce Meyer, Battlefield of the Mind.) I came to the conclusion, I'm afraid of an attack - spiritual attack. Nearly as bad as a physical or verbal attack...it puts you on guard. I
  14. PearlofMary


    Very unsettled today. I didn't take meds yesterday. It's a love/hate war with them. No reason. Not addicting. I don't like to be reliant on them. I want my peace to be my peace, not synthetic. I took it now and it'll be better soon. I'm so thankful now for this site. It seemed a little daunting at first...but the more the burden lifts, the more pain it seems to be. I need to be near you..people who understand. Others try...but dont. I"m called Manic by people who don't know me as well as they think, a liar by family...people who should know better and stupid by the users in my lif
  • Create New...