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    East coast
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    Fiber arts, reading, hiking, canoeing, yoga

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  1. I've been noticing I've been self- isolating (again). ...not sure that's a good thing. I makes me sad and worried I'm slipping (again). 

    1. ActivistAlly


      Sorry to hear that.  Glad you've reached out here.

    2. Juniperberry1900
  2. XXL weekend, yeah. ...here’s to hoping it’s uneventful and relaxing!

    1. Free2Fly


      :) , hope its uneventful for ya juniper.

    2. Juniperberry1900


      Thanks, thus far it has been relaxing. 

      Was upsetting taking out the decorations, but I kept going. 

  3. Feeling tired, sad and abandoned. Hate feeling this way. My place of work sucks. Some of the work and people do too. I don’t care if I’m complaining. It I should what it is. ☹️

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Juniperberry1900


      Thank you for your support. It’s a new day, so let’s see what this one brings

    3. Free2Fly


      Your welcome juniper, hope it's going good for you :) 

    4. ActivistAlly


      I'm sorry to hear you are feeling bad :(

  4. Who the eff am I? Why do I exist?

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. patriciag


      These are tough questions but more important stronger feeling.  I think we have all asked those questions. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves just one answer to the question.  For me it is being a mom. Why do I exist for me that is a hard one. I guess I could say I broke the pattern of abuse in my family. Last night I was texting my daughter who did her big adventure. During our text I told her how proud I am of her. Not for only this but her whole life, all she had done and become. She was a very difficult birth. In the end she came into this world in her own way, no Dr there, she landed on my legs. Last night it hit me, that I was the vessel for her birth, so I guess I can I exist for that, what better way to exist.  Sorry so long

      Safe :hug:hugs

    3. tuliptorn


      :hug:Juniper :hug:

      Just glad you do. :)

    4. Juniperberry1900


      Thank you @Kmkz, @patriciag, & @tuliptorn. It seems there is too much coming at me lately, and not enough of it good. I try to focus on the positive and ride through the unpleasant as smoothly as possible. When the unpleasant keeps happening, it sometimes makes me question whether I’m on this earth to be others’ punching bag. I’m taking it easy this weekend for sure. 

  5. Hi soodles, welcome to AS. I’m sorry for whatever it is that brought you here. You’re not alone in this wonderful community. People here are very kind and supportive. See ya around, Juniper
  6. Hi, welcome to AS. There are wonderful people here who are very supportive. I am so sorry you experienced these terrible things. The uber driver is reprehensible. I am glad you realize it was not your fault.
  7. Welcome BeeKnee. Sorry for whatever it is brought you here. Its been over 30 years as well for me since the original CSA. It still amazes me most every day the subtle ways it impacts my life. It will get better. Safe huggs
  8. This is a wonderfully, supportive place. Please take gentle care as you heal.
  9. @PleaseBelieveMe, I believe you. Your theory about your mom’s not facing the truth makes sense to me. It is a dark reality to accept. It can’t be hard for one to consider there are other aspects of someone we love and to have to reconsider our perceptions of them. You cannot change them, trying to convince them may cause other issues (alienation...), your energy I see best places on your own healing. take gentle care.
  10. The sudden veil of memories descended on me earlier while at my desk. I got freaked out rather bad: had to grab a coworker to go for walk. Now, I’m useless. I’ve T in 1.5 hrs and feel tired. Please tell me I’ll be okay. 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Free2Fly


      Safe hugs :hug: , recently my days and nights have been like that , cry when no ones around kinda thing :( .

    3. Juniperberry1900


      Awh, @Free2Fly, I’m sorry to hear that. I found myself doing that a lost this past spring. I told my doc and she prescribed an anti depressant. Now, it’s rare that I cry, even when I stub my toe. Yesterday the tears came though, it was sooo intense. 

      Safe huggs to you, Josh :hug:

    4. Free2Fly


      Aww :hug: , well they can prescribe me anti depressants cause I have had quite a few and non work , Prozac, sertraline, fluoxetine & another I don't remember the name of so you can imagine.


      thanks for the hugs :hug: , hope your doing better today.

  11. May as well laugh...what a fawking day thus far. Had my teeth cleaned before work at hygienist and a filling next to a recent root canal broke away. So I had to go back at 2pm to get it done. The final levelling of the tooth seemed to take forever. But it's all repaired now...soup for supper. 

    After the cleaning this morning I went to work. There I attended the most boring two hour presentation I've ever been to in my entire life. Those are two precious hours I will never ever get back. Sigh. Did a bit of work and went back to dentist for the filling. 

    Came home instead of going back to work again because the dentist is always a little emotional for me. He's a nice man. Not his fault I needed a tooth repaired. 

    Went into garden to clean weeds out of a bed, when the neighbours dogs, two giant boxers, came barking at me through the fence, agIn. I mean honestly. Can't I go into my garden when I want to pull so,e bleeding weeks? Like, a lot of them Coke u der the fences from the three neighbours who don't do anything to control them. Argh. 

    So, I here watching a movie I recorded. It's really bad. I can't find my glasses so it's bad and blurry. Lol 

    like I said at the beginning, may as well laugh. -shakes head-

    1. Scared1


      Oy with the poodles- what an awful day. I hope today was better for you? 

    2. Juniperberry1900


      Thanks scared1. It's a new day and I'm on annual leave. Just not going to work makes it a better day. I hope the rest is uneventful. Lol

  12. Hi Emptyness, so sorry for what happened to your daughter and what you both are going through. As others have said, please be patient. Maybe gather resources and have them at the ready for when she reaches out or asks for help. In the meantime it may be helpful to you to continue to seek support yourself, here and maybe a therapist. When I told my mom what happened years ago (I could only tell her a little bit because it pained her so much and that really stung for me, I didn't want to hurt her like I was hurting), she sought therapy for herself to talk about the guilt she felt, though it
  13. Welcome to AS. So sorry you've had this secret to keep for such a long time. I can so relate. It is not easy. Bit by bit it will become more manageable and improve. I hope you did what you feel is the right thing for you, for me, sharing what I can of my secret is the right thing for me. Please take care.
  14. I'm feeling bad, like I'm an annoyance, taking up space and breathing air that is meant for others. I can't seem to get anything right. I'm tired of trying. 

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Juniperberry1900


      Thank you oneinMillion and hawkgirl. It means a lot to know someone cares. It's a new day, I'll see how this one goes. 

    3. StrugglingMama


      Hope you're feeling a little better now :throb:


    4. Juniperberry1900


      Thank you StrugglingMama. I'm feeling no worse. It was a hard day. I'll try again tomorrow. 

  15. Ikes, I'm fuzzy headed and somewhat confused. I have people coming in 15 mins and I'm not prepared for it. Is too late to cancel. I hope I manage to stay present while they're here. 

    1. MeBeMary


      Do your best to focus and know that you have a friend sitting with you. You are not alone and you can get thru this. :hug: 

    2. Juniperberry1900


      Thank you MeBeMary. I made it, a bit loopy and jumpy all evening....could not sit still more than 20 minutes. It didn't seem to bother anyone, so it seems I managed. I'm still confused but at least I can just go on to bed now this way, thanks. 😊

    3. MeBeMary


      You mad it thru, I knew you would. :)  Glad it went as well as it did, considering how you were not feeling quite right. Get some good rest, and hopefully your mind will be much clearer in the morning.

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