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About Ian37

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    The South
  • Interests
    Reading, Soccer, Writing, Education

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  1. Twin, welcome! It is sort of common to be nervous since many new things bring that sense of apprehension. It is kind of like the unknown. Change can be hard to come by. I think you will find that this is a supportive site since many of us will be able to in general at least relate to some of what you may be going through. That does not mean he doesn't care. There is just a sense of unity that being in a place like this can bring is all. Reaching out has already taken a lot of strength!
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    Welcome, Sarah! Abusers have this way of making us feel both small and useless. It's all just a part of the manipulation. Falling into patterns in which we feel like a failure can be quite the challenge to overcome. Talking can be a really good start.
  3. Hi

    Silent, welcome back! Sorry to hear about what brought you here though. It is great that you work with children and can appreciate that very much being a special education educator on this end who specializes working with at-risk students. It sounds like you work with those who truly need that guidance and support. You definitely deserve the same in return and I hope that you find some positive here.
  4. Beach, I think that the last I'd checked they had been closed down and the administrators were trying to find a way to open them back up. I think there are some possible solutions in the works. There is a thread on here which started after they closed which has sort of been like a place to chat. It's just more of a message exchange than anything in real time.
  5. Welcome, Bizzy! There always needs to be a start and you have found an amazing place. Some of the worst stuff tends to confront us months and years after the actual trauma so you are definitely not alone in that. There is definitely possible strength that comes from a general sense of unity.
  6. Hi, Em. You can definitely be yourself here. Sometimes, the most is said with few words. There are many caring souls around these parts who genuinely will want to help. Take your time to get more comfortable and simply do and say what feels right.
  7. Allison Jo, anything that is new to us can tend to be sort of scary. It is much more comfortable and safe doing what we are used to. That does not mean it is never good to branch a little out of our comfort zone even still so long as the definitive reward trumps any possible risk. I am thinking you will continue finding this to be a great help within your healing. There are so many sensitive and sweet souls on here who will truly be able to generally relate to some of what you may be feeling and thinking in nothing other than a genuine way. My hope is that through some talking, lots of listening will make this a safe place for you to turn.
  8. Welcome, Jane1847! You have definitely chosen a great place to be. This a supportive community like none other I have come across before. It does take a lot of courage to reach out. Please know that many of us tend to have the most challenges days and months after the actual experiences. I repressed everything for multiple years to absolutely no avail at all. Healing simply takes some time.
  9. Hi, Suz! This is a great place to be and hopefully you will find some support, here.
  10. Twenty, thank you for taking time out of your day to write back. I do try making a little sense at times and seem to have a habit of doing so. Words are a huge part of who I am so thank you for that compliment as well. My mom was an amazing writer and the letters I have of hers that she never sent out are my most prized possession. It's honestly just that I've been through a few things that gives me a rather different kind of perspective on it all. Some of this is good and I am sure there's also some bad. Guilt can really get to you and it is a rather powerful weapon. I am also hardest on my own self and excuse others for things all the time that make me unable to find that same kind of sympathy when it comes to me. It is honestly so easy for us to look back on our actions after the fact. Some choices we have to make happen within moments and it is simply not possible nor realistic to make the right ones each and every time. I think that realizing that life is a long term learning process can prove to provide us some insight. I'm trying to take all the negative that comes my way and turn it into a positive going forward. Life would be so much easier if all of it involved us doing the right thing. However, we also might not be able to appreciate the good quite as much. This end involved me trying to forget everything also and simply run away multiple times. I ran left and right all over the country for so long trying to find myself and put the horrible things in my past behind me. Just did not realize until later on that trying to push things to the side does not really get rid of them. No matter how far we may try running, our issues are always going to be right there with us until we choose to confront them. That does not solve anything in itself. The real struggle comes when we start that confronting because it usually involves having to go backward before able to have any chance at all of moving forward. Please try not to beat yourself up as a result of that box. Some boxes are meant to hold what is most precious to us. They do not always have to be opened right away.
  11. I think you just have to try taking it all one step at a time. It sounds like you are struggling in between what your mind knows and heart feels. So, that there is always this consistent confliction in between the two. That makes it so hard to find any sense of peace. Which is what is perhaps needed most. There are so many bad decisions I have made as a result of what happened to me. I am almost positive that they have something to do with my low self-esteem. It continues to make me question myself today. This has an effect on my every day life. Most of these choices all revolve around relationships. I have rushed into so many as a result of looking for the love that was never showed to me as a child and during my own abuse. I blame myself for hurting so many innocent others as a result along the way and messing up multiple lives. I have recognized that this is a pattern and am adamant about not making this mistake ever again. Nothing worth it in the end should be forced. I blamed myself for so many years for messing all this up. Now, all I can do is try moving forward the best possible. Taking better care of myself while appreciating the value of good friends. Please try to be gentle on yourself a little more. Realize that you are simply doing the best possible given the challenging circumstances that have confronted you. You are bound to have made some mistakes in the past and may make more going forward. Perhaps, it is all part of the process. You're trying to process what happened to you. This is going to take some time. The mistakes in your past do not have to define you. Also, please do not feel bad for thinking about another. Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule may I ask? It basically suggests that you are never going to get more than 80 percent out of someone you're with. There is always going to be the 20 percent missing. The issue is that if you go after the 20, you may then lose out on the 80 you have. This is not to minimize anything. It just may help put things in perspective. Being friends with your other half is important. So many relationships do not have this as a component and it is sometimes all about the physical and sexual attraction. This is also important, of course. Still, it is not always easy to find someone who truly cares for you and will stick it out no matter what. Your other half has chosen to be with you. You may not feel that you're worthy. Furthermore, you may not even stay with him going forward. That is totally up to you. My point is just that we cannot choose those we love. We also cannot decide who chooses to love us. There is still time for you to find some spark. No matter what you may specifically decide. I am trying to find mine through writing lately. Words are a huge part of who I am. I know that so much of my life has been wasted. Yet, I would like to thing that much more of it lies ahead. That is why I plan to make the most of every moment going forward and refuse to let any kind of backward regret hold me back any longer. Some of the worst challenges come past the days of the actual trauma. There are bound to be up and down periods and it is hard since they can come without much if any warning. I do not know if you will ever get rid of the bad. My sincere hope is that it will start to be drowned out by the good.
  12. Welcome! No need to rush when it comes to posting. Reading can be just as therapeutic as writing. The key is trying to feel better and it took strength reaching out like this. I think that the way we all process trauma is different and sometimes the hardest parts come months and years after. This is your journey and you have to do what is best on that end. I am one who has a hard time shutting my mind down and can definitely relate to the mess you may be feeling. It is all part of trying to process the wrong that has been done to us. My hope is that you start to find some positive here.
  13. Welcome to an amazing community! It is as awesome as this because of the actual human beings within it. I could not agree more about how talking can be so healing. It is so much of a challenge to start the conversation. That does not make it any less important to have. So many of the challenges come months and years after the experience itself. Family and friends can be helpful at times but what makes this place so special is that we all can generally relate to one another. I hope that you take your time to look around and jump right in when ready.
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    Welcome, Bluesclues! There always needs to be a start and I'm so happy you found us. It took me quite awhile to be approved also but has been more than worth the wait ever since.
  15. Hi, Chant! Welcome back. Quality can always trump quantity. There are some places in life that may just always be like a home for us. No matter how long we may be actually gone. Time is not always a clock. I hope that you are able to find some of your old friends on here and perhaps make some new ones as well.