Ian37

M. Member
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About Ian37

  • Birthday March 26

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    The South
  • Interests
    Reading, Soccer, Writing, Education

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. Chloe, it took quite a bit of courage to post this. It sounds like you are perhaps hardest on your own self. I can definitely relate to that in general. It makes it so much more of a challenge to get through everything and likely comes as a result of what has happened to us. I am so sorry what happened to you. Again, I can relate in general at least to the abuse at such an early age. You were just an innocent child and there is no excuse at all for what happened. That anxiety thing and getting over it is sometimes easier said than done. I am a deep thinker on this end and am always analyzing and evaluating anything and everything so as to try making sense of things. Hard for my mind to even shut down. I guess I'm trying to realize that sometimes, overthinking can make us even more exhausted and have everything lead to even more frustration. You mention control and that is a huge part of everything. I have tried in the past to dismiss and run while finding that this just leads to more problems as a result. Not allowing the anxiety to take charge of us while still giving it the opportunity to come out may be a best bet at times.
  2. Pauline, I am so very sorry to see that you suffered abuse at such an early age and unfortunately can relate in general. I cannot even put into words that would fully justify how much this has had an effect on me and this includes intimately. So many of them far after the actual abuse. It sounds as if you may be having some of the same thoughts. It really does mess with your self-worth. This is something I am truly trying to find peace with yet there always seems to be some sort of competition. I always have felt like I'm not really worthy of being loved and that has had quite the effect on my actions. Kind of like I have had the habit of sabotaging myself knowing that something bad is bound to happen. The issue is that sometimes, you happen to come upon someone and something good. I think it also has a lot to do with your mind letting you know that there is still a lot of conflict within you and you're still trying to process everything. Something which tends to take quite some time. Sometimes, we tend to try blocking things out or pushing them to the side and need that outside influence to keep us aware of our need to heal. Even though these thoughts can come at the most inopportune times and make us feel even more alone. That being said, this does not necessarily mean that you have to go through your healing all alone. I think it is great that you and this man seem to have really hit it off. The most important thing you speak of here truly is mutual consent. There is no real need to feel badly just because you did not reciprocate since there is not always the need to keep score. It is not as if you forced him into anything. One of my biggest issues is that I happen to think way too much and it's just about impossible to shut my mind down. Still, I think that thinking can get too be a little too much at times and perhaps the more we happen to contemplate, the less things might make any sense. Please know that I am not trying to judge you at all and am only meaning to give some possible perspective. I know it is not easy wanting things to get better like yesterday and still having all these struggles today and how this can add to our anxiety.
  3. Lily, you will find I am hoping that this is indeed a safe and also supportive place. What we happen to go through really does not come with any kind of schedule at all. It would all be so much easier if it did. Please know that you are not alone for having it buried deep. I am so sorry to read that you have lost so much lately. Just know that this is not your issue and simply theirs. Caring about another should not have to come with any kind of unfair conditions. It's easy to be there when things are all going well. It is possible that what we have been through may never fully leave us. No matter how far we may try to run nor how may years might pass by. Perhaps, the best we can do is learn to try accepting ourselves a little more each day while not letting one moment in time definitively define us.
  4. Flori, it took courage and strength to reach out like this. It saddens me what has been coming out in the media lately. It's one thing to have an issue or problem of course and none of us are perfect. I'm the furthest thing from that. It is a completely other thing to let our own faults trespass into the lives of others. My hope is that these abusers will find some sense of remorse for destroying all these lives while the innocent start to somehow begin to heal. I do think there can be a fine line in between someone looking for attention and praise while another looks to find that healing and voice. The fact of the matter is that even with all that unity we can feel, no one else truly knows what we have been through nor can fully feel all our pain. Perhaps, there is a sense of discomfort and fear within that itself. Still, this thing called life is likely not meant to live alone and I'm glad you have taken the time to reach out. My sincere hope is that you find some comfort and wisdom here. This is a safe place to find that.
  5. Abby, the first step is reaching out. Sometimes, like in my case, this has to be done more than once even. Having mixed emotions and unsure feelings is likely normal while starting something that happens to be new. I hope that you find some peace here.
  6. Hi Ian,

     

    It would really help me if you could give me advice on something. I understand if this is not possible but I would really appreciate it. I hope to hear from you.

  7. Sorry for what brought you in the first place. I do hope that you find what you are looking for here.
  8. Karen, welcome to an amazing site! Though, I am very sorry for what brought you here. I am recovering from child trauma as well and may be able to relate in general. It is sad that the worst of all this tends to come months and years even after the actual abuse. It makes the whole cycle of chaos rather hard to navigate. It is the end goal which tends to keep us going. You will find the kind souls on here to be very helpful and committed to your healing process. Just reaching out like this shows a great deal of courage and strength. Talking about it all can be rather challenging. That does not make it any less important. There is a sense of comfort within unity.
  9. Welcome, Created! It takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out. The journey can indeed be a lengthy one. Still, there always needs to be a start. This is something that no one can really do alone and you are not weak at all reaching out. It's hard to find that balance in between our heart and mind. Just one part of what makes this all so difficult. No need to rush at all. You'll never take a more important journey. My sincere hope is that you will find a lot of healing and immense help here.
  10. Greetings! It takes a lot of courage just to reach out when having gone through a lot. This truly is a very supportive site filled with many members who will be able to in general at least relate to some of what you've gone and are still going through. I truly hope that you find some healing and help here.
  11. Greetings and welcome as well. Opening up about things like this is not ever easy. All of it is hard more often than not. That is why we need to try being gentle with our own selves and taking it all one step at a time. Healing is not something which comes with a blueprint and kind of ends up being trial and error. As is true with many things in life. Buried secrets are best when having the opportunity to come out. Still, you don't want to force all out at once maybe and then end up being completely overwhelmed. Just have to monitor things is all and what may be good one moment can change the next. Talking is a good thing though and you are showing such strength simply in reaching out. I hope that this amazing site helps you during your journey of healing. You will find tons of support here.
  12. Just reaching out at all is honestly a huge step and one which takes a tremendous amount of strength. Talking is not always easy. However, perhaps some slight comfort can be had knowing you are not alone and that others will be able to relate even if in general. Take your time with everything and simply do what feels best. This may even change quite a lot to be honest. My sincere hope is that you find some healing and immense support here.
  13. Hello, back! This truly is a tremendous asset and it is so nice to have you back. It sounds like you are possibly doing okay or at least just a little better. Change can definitely be a good thing! I look forward to hopefully interacting with you and seeing your thoughts around the boards.
  14. Twin, welcome! It is sort of common to be nervous since many new things bring that sense of apprehension. It is kind of like the unknown. Change can be hard to come by. I think you will find that this is a supportive site since many of us will be able to in general at least relate to some of what you may be going through. That does not mean he doesn't care. There is just a sense of unity that being in a place like this can bring is all. Reaching out has already taken a lot of strength!
  15. New

    Welcome, Sarah! Abusers have this way of making us feel both small and useless. It's all just a part of the manipulation. Falling into patterns in which we feel like a failure can be quite the challenge to overcome. Talking can be a really good start.