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LooksLikeRain

Member
  • Content count

    168
  • Joined

  • Last visited

5 Followers

About LooksLikeRain

  • Rank
    Lotus Warrior
  • Birthday September 5

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    NH
  • Interests
    I love art and animals.

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor
  1. Worked It Out

    I'm guilty of being insecure.. I know I am. My boyfriend knows I am. Yesterday, I texted him, "I can't do this anymore." He texted me that we should talk in person. We met up at a sushi restaurant.. I thought he was gonna buy me dinner, but come to find out, he wanted to talk there over some drinks. I told him this wasn't the place for it, because I could end up crying.. So after we finished our drinks, we went out to his car to talk. I talked about my problem with the girl on his FB, he told me that I am the one he's with, and that the only thing we fight about in the 7 months we've been together is about Facebook. He said I shouldn't worry, and that I do have nothing to worry about. I started tearing up... He held my hand. I looked over at him and it looked like he was about to cry. I wanted so badly for him to say he loves me, but right there, in that moment, I could see it on his face. Love. "I don't want to quit on us." I started crying and he held me, telling me not to cry. Begging me to not to cry. In that moment, it seemed like everything that I was worried and paranoid over just seemed minuscule... I realized I was being irrational. He asked me to come over and cuddle, and I agreed, even though he would have to get up around 4:30am. We got back to his house and went to bed, and just laid in each other's arms. Every kiss felt perfect. That moment felt perfect. Waking up was hard; he kept hitting snooze and cuddling me. I realized in those moments how much I do love this man, and I want to be with him. As he got ready for work, and we went out to our cars to go our separate ways, we kissed and hugged. There was an awkward pause, where I thought he would say it... but nothing, and it was perfectly okay with that. I realized yesterday that my severe mood swings - from crying and breaking down, to being tempted to hurt myself, to just feeling dead inside.. is rapid cycling. My bipolar disorder. I took two 75mg pills today of my medicine, instead of just one. I think an increase is needed. Tomorrow, I see my therapist... I hope we have a long talk.
  2. Just Love Me!!!!!

    We have been together for 7 months... and yet, he can't say the "L" word. I slipped during a Christmas party in a drunken stupor... and he told me it was too soon. I said it, again, to him around January. Again, he said it was too soon. He told me, "I can't say it until I actually feel it. I can't even comprehend such a word, there's no way I can just throw it out so easily." I brought it up to him last month, how he hasn't said it, and he accused me of trying to pressure him into saying it. His actions say it, and I know the ol' saying "actions speak louder than words"... but I want to hear it. I want to be told that I mean something. That I'm important. That I matter. The silence is deadly. I feel like I'm hurting every day. I'm telling him today that I need space... I really don't want to break up with him, I want to make it work, but I'm feeling so worthless and down on myself, that I just can't seem to function. Give me strength to not hurt anymore...
  3. I am so proud of every single one of you. <3 

    1. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      :blush:  , I think we should all be proud of ourselves.

    2. Iheartcupcakes
  4. Newcomer here

    That tattoo is GORGEOUS
  5. I think I'm going to be alright

    1. elisand
    2. LooksLikeRain

      LooksLikeRain

      thank you. I am ok :) *hugs*

  6. wtf is wrong with me?

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug: if ok?

      kinda same here, tried any distraction kinda methods, sometimes I twirl a pen around my fingers.

       

    3. LooksLikeRain

      LooksLikeRain

      I've been playing games on my phone and computer and playing with a bug bite on my hand.

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Oh , I'm sorry :( 

  7. The Inner Child Thread

    Sometimes... my inner child comes out in a voice. I used to do it a lot but then my last boss started stopping me.... I never realized how often I made that childish voice until she started snapping at me... Now, it kinda has stopped... My inner child is very confused, and just wants to sit and draw and be artistic. My poor little girl... That's all she ever wanted to do... sit on the floor with a pile of blank pieces of paper in front of her and a sharpened pencil and just let the night melt away as she drew....
  8. Hello to all the brave warriors out there. I hope you're rising from the ashes and spreading those wings. Have a safe and healthy Easter <3

  9. Hello, Looking to heal....

    Thank you all for your sweet, encouraging words. I'm starting to get teary eyed lol I am so glad I found this website already. In a way, it's sad that I'm not alone, but in a way, I am glad you're all here. I hope you all remember that you're strong, as well. I'm fighting for myself, as well as all of you.
  10. Not to sure where to start.

    Hello! I'm new too <3 hugs
  11. Hello, Looking to heal....

    Hello everyone, I'm Rain. I'm currently battling PTSD from my sexual assault, which occurred September 27th. I went to the police and reported the man who did it, and it's been a Hellish battle with the courts. He said he does not want to serve jail time, so it looks like we may end up going to trial. He has until July 27th to accept the plea bargain, which is 60 days in jail, or we go to trial in August. I feel betrayed, since it was my best friend's boyfriend... and she chose his side. Her whole family chose HIS side. Even her brother, who was also my best friend. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm attending therapy and trying to get my life back in order, but it is not easy. I've somehow landed a boyfriend after this incident and it has been a little bit rocky because I tend to lash out, get defensive and get upset. It's like I'm always on edge and need to pick fights over everything. And then there's my self esteem. I feel low, like dirt. I feel ugly. I've been spending money a lot to try and make myself feel better. I just want him in jail. I want everyone to see him for the monster that he is. It's hard because there was no physical evidence, and so, the police can only charge him with simple assault. I sometimes feel like there's winning... but I'm trying to have hope. I can't give up.
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