Anonymous75

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About Anonymous75

  • Rank
    CSA & SA Survivor

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    USA

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor
  1. I don't know what to do with my life now. I don't know what to do to provide for myself better financially and gain independence from my horrible mother. My PTSD is pretty disabling at times right now. I'm not even sure if I am up to this seasonal retail job I started last week. I wasn't able to work yesterday or today due to being hideously stressed out. My mind feels so fragile right now. 

    All I have wanted for the past 10 years or so is to recover to the point where I can get some years of stability under my belt enough to feel like I could become a good parent to at least one child. But I am on meds that can't even be taken at the time of conception, so I would have to find a surrogate or adopt. And I was just looking into the surrogacy thing out of curiosity, and I see that on their applications they do ask about mental health stuff. Even if I come to be in remission for some time, I might not even be able to have my own child through surrogacy. It's very painful to still be having health problems, too. I am already 42 years old. 

  2. Today is a day like so many others. I feel taxed by my childhood traumas and related emotional pain. I know I need to reach for some balancing mechanisms, like listening to music I like or cleaning my place, etc.; but at the moment I'm just sitting with the feelings. In a weird way I am still confronting the reality of everything I've been through. It's so hard to believe this has been my life. I wish I knew why these things happened. I mean, I guess I know; but it seems like people should be more able to stop these things from happening. I feel tremendous sadness for women all over the world. Tremendous, tremendous sadness. It's just not right. And it makes me want to go to Law School and try to change policy at least in the U.S. Whomever is reading this today--thank you. I hope you are having a good day, and I'm sorry that you had a reason to come to this site. 

    Blessings,

    Karen

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      I'm sorry you have a reason to be here, too, Karen. This world can be so unfair. Monsters live among us. Others that are tolerant of monsters live here too. It is sad that this goes on and continues to go on. It is not fair and it is not right. I do hope one day that these abuses are considered reprehensible as they should be.

      Thank you for your thoughtfulness for others. :hug: to you, if ok.

  3. Where does that quotation come from at the top of this website? Just curious. I just love it (about the lotus).
  4. P.S. If you did not want it to happen, it was 100% NOT your fault! The attacker is at fault 100%. And feel free to allow yourself to get pissed-off about this!
  5. I totally suggest reporting it. For your and the world's sake. It took me five years to report a not-very-violent sexual assault that I did not fight out of fear of escalating a situation into something horrifying with a large man on drugs and alcohol. I had moved back to Michigan when I reported it, and the police officer who took the report over the phone was amazing. Obviously very well-trained on this subject. It really couldn't have gone better. He totally got why I had taken five years to report it, too. This is pretty common, apparently. I'm glad I did it because it is now officially on the guy's record in case he tries something like this ever again or has done so in the past. This is just my humble opinion, of course. Good luck, Karen
  6. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you as a child. That is just plain terrible. I have had a similar experience, but fewer in number. Please feel free to reach out to me, if you wish. Blessings, Karen
  7. Just hoping I can get through the day okay. I didn't shower again today because it is just such a chore for me. Wish that washing and drying my hair wasn't so difficult. 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Anonymous75

      Anonymous75

      I'm sorry to hear that. I sort of think I understand why it is so hard, but my last therapist didn't. She was sure that it was because I am unhappy with my weight. That is not it at all. 

    3. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      No. Nothing is ever the fault of just one particular thing. 

    4. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      Not alone.:hug:

       

  8. Hello, When I click on the buttons to upload my pics, absolutely nothing happens Also, nothing happens when I drag and drop my pics. Is there some setting on my browser I need to change?? Please help. Thank you, Karen
  9. Thank you all so much for your kindest words! Some good news is that I seem to have finally found the right therapist to help me through all of this! What a grand relief (big sigh). Thanks again, Karen
  10. Hi there, I am so happy to have found this place on the internet thanks to a kind person on the Inspire Community, which is also a great place for support...I am currently recovering traumatic memories from my childhood (which include sexual abuse), so it is a very hard time for me. That has happened before for me, but always in the past it was accompanied by severe mental illness, so I eventually wrote the memories off as "illness." However, now I am quite in remission from mental health problems, and the same stuff is coming up again. I could use all the support I can get at this time, as I have a terrible support network and can't tell most of my family members about this all. For, the first time I came out about the sexual abuse--years ago, when I was not well--my whole family turned their backs on me. I can't risk that happening again because of how much pain it caused me and because my mother pays my medical bills and prescription copays, still. Blessings, Karen