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howlieowl

Member
  • Content Count

    411
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  • Last visited

5 Followers

About howlieowl

  • Rank
    Growth & Evolution is my Happiness

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    California
  • Interests
    drawing, reading, baking, basketball, working out, long walks, interested in peace:-)

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

Recent Profile Visitors

4,927 profile views
  1. Im sitting up the night before my first therapy appt. (again), can't sleep so I'm reading articles from the day. I come across this https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/06/13/sarah-mcbride-gay-survivors-helped-launch-me-too-but-rates-lgbt-abuse-largely-overlooked/692094002/ and i felt it touched home for me. now i know i shouldn't be reading this stuff, which i didn't in a way. it was more the headline spoke to me of my situation. it wasn't long after i came out in college that my r*** happened. the people in my circle knew and were cool with it, though i will say this sorority i thought a
  2. Well its been a very long while. Have to say Ive been avoiding being on here for many reasons. I got to a good place and felt I didn't need to be on here much. As with many things, my past came back. I admit I handled some areas better than I thought. For example, Ive always had this issue with bullies, not standing up for myself. Well before I started my new job (which I left because the guy there was a perv to women, especially teenage girls), I asked for a similar situation. I asked for it because I wanted a chance to have another opportunity to stand up for myself in the face of adversity.
  3. I'm wondering if I'm being stand-offish lately. Not so much with people i meet offline but with being on here. Ive just been having this feeling of not wanting to participate in general discussions. Im still struggling with my past but when i log on i find myself sitting in front of the screen watching the curser blink. The part of me that used to get on and read post seems very reluctant to do so and i don't know why. i miss the interactions I've had with the people I've met here. I'm stuck. at times i begin to type something then erase it and log off. maybe going back into therapy will help
  4. hi @purplessorry for what has brought you here. i do hope you find much comfort and support with the members. wish you all the best on your journey in healing.
  5. hello @Hecate. im sorry for what has brought you here. i do hope you find much comfort and support from the members.
  6. ive been in a stretch with not thinking too much about my past. ive been reliving it somewhat recently. ive had encounters with difficult people, facing rejection, standing up for myself against those i normally cower from. the list continues. sometimes im successful, sometimes im not. i do know that by facing those similar events again, i do feel a little better after. the encounters when im uncomfortable around certain men hasnt changed. still feel frozen and scared and that fear locks on strong. im still struggling with my temper as well. im having reliving to deal with a mean and difficult
  7. this was awesome. I really needed to read this and every point resonated with me. great blog
  8. thank you @limbodante. ill definitely give it a try.
  9. do you believe youre strong? do you believe youre beautiful? dont you believe your smart, intelligent? these are just some questions ive been asked many times. inside i answer with an obvious no. but i tell people, "i guess" or "i dont know". or ill cover it up by pretending to be cocky with "of course"! i dont believe any of it. somewhere along the line in my life my belief in self, people, or anything died. rarely do i remember being told i was beautiful. when i got As, sure i was told i was smart. but getting a B or C, . i believed in my birth mother, epic fail. i believed i could tel
  10. you, your future, your awesome little man are some bright spots. this will be beaten. shed your tears to cleanse the soul to begin anew. your happiness awaits, one more hurdle to leap. always with you
  11. hello and welcome. i hope you find much support understanding and comfort here.
  12. moments like today and previous days re-enforce the feeling that i will be alone. im without my foundation, have been for over two months now. nothing i say or do seems to work at getting her back. i secretly cry but pretend to her face im okay. its hard, very hard, knowing im the reason she doesnt want to be with me. ive been fighting since i was a toddler for love and when ive finally found it, i figured i was safe. but every day ive always had this feeling she would leave. i know im a f up, i know that. ive been trying so hard to be better and she told me if i try she would always be there.
  13. welcome, welcome. i wish you much success and happiness on your journey in healing.
  14. i wish you much success on your journey to healing. may you find much support, understanding, and acceptance here.
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