feralcat

Hi amallison0084, I'm sorry you're in pain, grieving, and feel so alone. Im going to encourage you to write on the forums like Gathering place, where more people will hear your thoughts and feelings and be able to respond and offer you support. Folks at AS understand how overwhelming flashbacks and depression can be. I'm pretty new so I'm not sure what to say to help you, but I know that other people will be happy to jump in. Please reach out and ask for support. For now, know that you are not alone, and that you are a beautiful soul and worthy of love and happiness. Sending you peaceful healing light, feralcat

Wow aperson, that was great! feralcat

Hi dee86, I'm so sorry for your pain and despair. I think you did great, showering and eating and staying alive. I understand that struggle. There are days when breathing and staying on this planet are tremendous acts of bravery. I'm so glad you have people in your life who you love and who love you. Keep reaching out for help and support. Keep breathing. feralcat

Hi @Lightbug Glad you found AS. I love lightbugs, here on East coast u.s. we call them Lightning bugs. When I was a kid I remember tons of lightning bugs out on summer nights, shining their tiny specks of light, made evenings so magical. Hope you find lots of support here to keep shining your light... feralcat

Thank you all for your good thoughts and healing wishes. I wish them back to you and to everyone here and to the people who haven't found After Silence yet... I don't have much of a support network but I am fortunate to have an amazing friend who knows a little, she knows I experienced trauma but doesn't know any details. I also do have a wonderful caring therapist who has helped me thru years of relentless depression. I had told him I had experienced trauma but hadn't given any details until recently. It's so hard to talk about. Immediately after it happened i did talk about it with hospital staff and an advocate and way too many police, and then I was briefly in a rape survivors group... I think I convinced myself that that was enough and Poof! All healed... (I wish) I also confided a lot in my best friend at the time, who is now deceased. Part of me knows that I need to deal more with the trauma to be healthier and happier. It is a hellish rollercoaster when things get stirred up. But another part of me wants to keep this a secret, keep it contained, in a giant strong box with tons of locks on it. It is such a big horrible disgusting sadistic storm cloud. How can I let it out in the world? I really don't want it to touch anyone else's life, even secondhand or thirdhand. I feel like Pandora trying to keep evil stuffed in a box....

Thank you all so much for your kind welcomes. I'm so relieved to have found a safe caring group where I can really deal with trauma.

Thank you so much.

Hi, I've just recently found After Silence, I wish I had found you folks years ago. You all have such courage and wisdom. I've kept my trauma and its dark aftermath pretty much to myself for so long I don't really even have words to talk about it. Just pain and alone-ness. I'm hoping if I can experience some understanding and support from other survivors I can make progress healing. And become part of a caring group and support other people on their healing journeys.