feralcat

Thank you all for your good thoughts and healing wishes. I wish them back to you and to everyone here and to the people who haven't found After Silence yet... I don't have much of a support network but I am fortunate to have an amazing friend who knows a little, she knows I experienced trauma but doesn't know any details. I also do have a wonderful caring therapist who has helped me thru years of relentless depression. I had told him I had experienced trauma but hadn't given any details until recently. It's so hard to talk about. Immediately after it happened i did talk about it with hospital staff and an advocate and way too many police, and then I was briefly in a rape survivors group... I think I convinced myself that that was enough and Poof! All healed... (I wish) I also confided a lot in my best friend at the time, who is now deceased. Part of me knows that I need to deal more with the trauma to be healthier and happier. It is a hellish rollercoaster when things get stirred up. But another part of me wants to keep this a secret, keep it contained, in a giant strong box with tons of locks on it. It is such a big horrible disgusting sadistic storm cloud. How can I let it out in the world? I really don't want it to touch anyone else's life, even secondhand or thirdhand. I feel like Pandora trying to keep evil stuffed in a box....

Thank you all so much for your kind welcomes. I'm so relieved to have found a safe caring group where I can really deal with trauma.

Thank you so much.

Hi, I've just recently found After Silence, I wish I had found you folks years ago. You all have such courage and wisdom. I've kept my trauma and its dark aftermath pretty much to myself for so long I don't really even have words to talk about it. Just pain and alone-ness. I'm hoping if I can experience some understanding and support from other survivors I can make progress healing. And become part of a caring group and support other people on their healing journeys.