feralcat

Hi @samantha2009 

I don't really know all the rules here about blogs and if it's ok to respond to blogs or if they're more personal space or something... But I wanted to tell you that I read your blog. I am so so sorry for all of the trauma you experienced. You are such a strong survivor. I'm so glad you got away from that twisted piece of shit. You deserve to have a happy peaceful life... I hope you have a wonderful caring trauma therapist to guide you on your healing journey. Take good care of yourself. 

Sending you safe hugs and comforting light,

feralcat 

Hi Silence,

I don't know the details of what you went thru as a kid or what your children experienced. But you are grappling with complicated thoughts and feelings, which have immense ramifications for you and your family. Justice is a a murky, elusive, complex concept. Many levels. Many different belief systems. But pretty basic at it's core: We live in a society and we are all connected, so if an individual commits morally reprehensible acts that harm others then there should be negative consequences, commensurate with the destructive force and consequences of his/her actions. Philosophers in every culture have wrestled with this idea since the dawn of civilization. Or at least when our frontal lobes evolved enough to create these thoughts. Since then a lot of amazing thought has been put into this. By folks with more gray matter than most dozen people. It's worth reading some philosophy books to explore the subject. The issue can be consuming. Justice, revenge, killing a sexual predator to prevent future victims. Unintended negative aftermath to victims/survivors. Sadness. Guilt. Children horrified when they learn that the abuse they experienced led their father to become a murderer. Impossible-to-predict consequences...

You may want to avoid considering feelings and emotions. Focusing on moral justice and possible courses of action is cleaner, less messy. You may not want to hear people tell you that killing a person is wrong. And that you are a good person and should not kill.

My thoughts about your situation are slightly different. I am a pacifist but I understand anger, pain, revenge, preventative strike. I don't think you need to hear that right now. So I will ask you the simple questions that someone else asked me 25 years ago. Not long after a brutal kidnapping and 3 days of torture and sexual violence. Before I became a pacifist. The questions that I initially dismissed as trivial. Then they kept popping up. At odd times of day and night. Haunting me until I paid attention to them. Which I reluctantly did. And later the questions became life-changing. I suspect that you will be tempted to disregard them as irrelevant distractions as well...

The questions are simple:  

What are you doing with your energy?

Where are you focusing your power? 

Are you doing absolutely everything possible to heal yourself (and your children) or are you distracting yourself with other issues?

Some things to think about maybe. 

I wish you well.

feralcat

Hi Invisible,

Sounds like you're having a rough day. I'm glad you got to talk w your therapist but sounds like it was a pretty short conversation. What's going on w her schedule? Can't you at least get an appt scheduled, even if it's not for this week? I would hate that uncertainty too... Are there things she could suggest to help you until you meet? Or maybe an emergency back-up plan?

Sleep deprivation is pretty awful. It makes everything feel so much harder to handle. I hope that you were able to nap a little today. And I hope that you can get some good sleep tonight. 

Hang in there Invisible1. There are lots of folks here who care about you and are rooting for you. 

Sending you lots of peaceful comforting energy

feralcat

Hi Reyzl,

I just wanted to thank for something you posted to iheartcupcakes 12/6  I think.

Sending you so much love and safe warm hugs and a blanket to wrap your triggered, frightened you in as you process this awful reminder. This feeling will pass and you will still be awesome

I have re-read this several times and I have found it so beautiful and helpful to myself. It's nice to be able to visualize me comforting the part of myself that is having terrifying flashbacks and feels helpless and frightened. It reminded me I have inner resources to help myself...

Thank you.

feralcat

Hi Invisible1,

It sounds like you're going thru a pretty rough time... I hope that you can make an appt w your therapist so you can meet with her soon. A month is a long time to go without... I'm hoping that you can talk w her and resolve whatever issues are going on. It is tough to find good caring helpful therapists... But if the issues don't get worked out, or if she keeps ignoring you, then maybe you'll have to look for someone else, or maybe she could recommend another therapist?  Hang in there

💖 

feralcat

Hi Hoping8, How was last night for you? I'm hoping you got at least a little sleep. I know it's really difficult to fall asleep when the anxiety is running high... It's also tough to function when you're sleep-deprived... Just wanted you to know I'm still thinking of you and sending you fierce-grace energy  And also, when you get a chance, try sending me a PM again. I did receive 2 other messages within the past couple days from other people, so if you can't send one then I should probably let someone know so they can fix it.... I hope today is good for you. Take care.

feralcat

Hi Fieldy 

Just checking in, I was thinking about you and wanted to say hello. How are you doing? Do you have any pets you can snuggle with at night before trying to go to sleep? I'm going to try it with one of my feral cats, Rachel, who has just started showing interest in being petted. She's sweet, elderly. I took her in years ago when I saw her outside and realized she was almost completely blind. She's a trooper. Gets around very well. We'll see how it goes. Take care.

feralcat

Hi Vitamin, just checking in... Wondering if you were able to sleep ok. I hope the after-EMDR nightmares end soon... You are so brave 🙂 I'm usually around if you ever want to talk. Take care.

feralcat

Hi Vitamin. I just tried to send you a private message just saying Hello and it somehow seemed to end up in "status update"??? Sorry I screwed up, hoping you can fix it!

Hi Vitamin,

Just thinking about you and wondering how you're doing... Hope you're having good dreams..... 🙂

feralcat

P.S. How's my buddy Hank?

Hi denial, if you don't mind me asking, how did you put your artwork on for your profile picture. So cool. I'm a bit computer illiterate, so please describe it in detail like you're talking to a 7 year old 🙂(although most 7 year olds probably have good computer skills!)

Thanks

feralcat

Just wondering how you're doing denial... And saw your bday was last week so I wanted to wish you a very happy belated birthday! I hope you had a happy day and I hope this year is filled with good things for you. Take care

feralcat