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waterlily13

Member
  • Content Count

    795
  • Joined

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5 Followers

About waterlily13

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    horses, writing, healing

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

Recent Profile Visitors

9,147 profile views
  1. This is exactly where I'm at today, this made me cry, in a good way, when I read it.  I felt like maybe others could relate to it to?  Sending lots of love to everyone

    FB_IMG_1641408423277.jpg.18b9de38f0173d6a14e5f9b5677b422a.jpg

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Beautiful and so accurate. :throb:  

      Thank you, Waterlily for sharing this. :hug: 

    2. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Thank you friend @MeBeMary:hug: 

  2. Have T today and I'm anxious, could use sitters, need to talk about some hard things and last time I did I dissociated :(

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Thank you so much @Capulet@MeBeMary, I could feel you guys sitting with me and it helped!!  It went really well, we worked on strategies to help me manage my anxiety and symptoms as we delve deeper into stuff.  I will write more later, I need to talk and process but it just sends my anxiety up so high, I'm sitting with all the emotions, they're hard but it's a good thing, but it's all just so exhausting sometimes.  I haven't really cried about my assault before, which sounds so ridiculous but I just can't seem to let myself feel enough to do it, it's just to much to feel, but I need to and I think I will get there if I keep working at this.

    3. AKB

      AKB

      So glad to hear it went well @waterlily13! Sending you my fave bubble dude. :bubble:

    4. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Thank you so much @AKB!  I love him!! ❤️ 

  3. Feeling a lot of shame today :(

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      I'm sorry. I wish you didn't, as you are a wonderful person and worthy of good things. 

      Sending you hugs and support, Waterlily. :hug: 

    2. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Thank you friend ❤️ I'm trying really hard to believe that, today feels a little better so that's good.  Hope you are well!

  4. I'm finally starting to be angry at *him*.  I don't know what to do with these feelings, I feel wrong for having them but I've been angry at myself for so long and I don't want to carry it anymore.  I have an injury that happened around the same time (in a car wreck not due to other trauma) that's finally healing and getting treatment, and I feel like I'm feeling and processing so much right now and it's somewhat overwhelming.  Could use sitters and any kind words of advice

    1. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      To clarify, maybe the angers always been there, but I'm finally letting myself feel it?  Ugh, feelings are hard😓

    2. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      Sitting with you. ❤️ Anger is a tough emotion to feel. I've resisted feeling it against my abuser(s) for a long time, but it's such a valid and reasonable feeling to have...after going through what you have, it makes sense to be angry. You're not wrong for being angry. It's good you're letting it out finally. *safe hugs if ok* Do you have a therapist you can talk to and work through these emotions with? I wish you all the best, also with your healing from your injury. Take care. ❤️ 

    3. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Thanks so much @mini.finch❤️I do, she's really good and I really appreciate her, I'm meeting with her on Tuesday and I'm scared to talk about these things but I know I need too.  Thank you for your kind words they mean a lot❤️

  5. Sitting with you friend, I am short on words but you amaze and inspire me and I'm so sorry for the pain you've had to endure. You are such an incredible person and you inspire me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hugs💙
  6. I'm struggling so much to focus tonight.  I have so much anxiety it's making the writing I'm trying to do so hard :( Send good thoughts please

  7. waterlily13

    No Title

    I'm sitting with you friend, I hope you can find peace soon, here if you want to talk💙
  8. We are in the thick of traumaversary season.  It feels so very lonely sometimes.  I don't know how to explain it to people who've never been through, except to say I hope they never come to understand from experience the weight and pain this type of trauma is :(

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Field8

      Field8

      Sitting with you 

    3. Poppy_

      Poppy_

      You're not alone - I'm here for you. And you know everyone here understands so you don't have to explain anything here. You're loved. 

    4. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Thanks @Field8@Poppy_ I needed to hear that, I'm feeling depressed and awful tonight😞

  9. Just so tired tonight :(

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Sending hugs and support your way. Hoping sleep finds you in a restful, peaceful and rejuvenating way...and you will be ready to tackle the world tomorrow. :hug:   

    2. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Thanks @MeBeMary, I'm doing a little better today, it's all just a lot sometimes

    3. AKB

      AKB

      Sitting with you and wishing you continued healing, friend. :throb:

  10. Oh my goodness that's so much!! Sending so much love to you and J, what an absolute nightmare!! I'm so dang proud of you moving ahead with schooling and work, I hope you and J both can find some peace and reprieve!
  11. I relate so much to everything you wrote here, also I'm terrible at identifying my feelings too! My traumaversary is coming up soon, I'm sorry I'm late but I hope you are doing better, you are a beautiful person with so much worth who brings so much goodness to the world, thank you for sharing💜
  12. In the ER tonight with chest pains and shortness of breath, I'm nervous I don't know if it's an allergic reaction to an antibiotic I started on Sunday, or a panic attack, or something else but I feel awful and I'm scared :(

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      Oh dear. I hope you'll be ok. The doctors will take good care of you. Sitting with you!!

    3. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Thank you all, I'm headed home, it looks like just a bad reaction to my antibiotic and I should be fine, I'm just exhausted and anxious😓

    4. 8888

      8888

      Oh no!  I hope you are feeling better now.  

  13. I feel so angry at the world today.  I'm hurting, I'm angry about what happened to me, and angry that I'll never have justice, he'll never have to be accountable.  I'm just so angry 

    1. Ceph

      Ceph

      I felt like that for a long time too. I always hated that person and how it made me feel, but at the same time I knew deep down that all that hate and anger wasn't who I was. It wasn't the person I was supposed to be. I didn't lash out at other but I did at myself. When I let those feelings and emotions get the better of me I felt like he was still winning, still controlling my life in some way. I didn't want to feel like they were a dark cloud following me my whole life. I'm not telling you what to feel, and I know those feelings you're having are justified but I will tell you that not letting those feelings get the better of you will help you heal and take control of your life again. Don't let him win.

    2. snmls

      snmls

      It's okay to be angry. You are allowed to feel angry about what happened to you and mad that he doesn't have to live with the consequences. Allow yourself to feel those emotions when you need to. 

  14. My nightmares are back :(

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      I'm sorry you're having bad nightmares lately. :( I hope that they leave you. We're here for you. Sitting with you and sending lots of comfort. :hug:

    3. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Thank you so much @MeBeMary and @mini.finch, it means a lot💜

    4. Ceph

      Ceph

      Nightmares are terrible, but what helped me when they woke me up was taking a look around me, seeing that I was safe, I was happy and I was next to my partner who loves me and will keep me safe. Let the nightmare pass and know its only that. 

  15. I'm tired of feeling scared of everything all the time :(

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. AKB

      AKB

      Sitting with you @waterlily13. I am so sorry you're feeling this way right now.

    3. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Thank you @AKB so much ❤️ 

    4. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      Sitting with you to keep all the mean, scary things away. :hug: Just know that you are very strong...the fact that you are seeking support, the fact that you opened up here proves you're strong. You don't deserve what happened to you. I'm so sorry for your pain. We're here for you. ❤️

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