waterlily13
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Everything posted by waterlily13
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I got triggered badly a couple weeks ago and I'm struggling. I drunk emailed my therapist last night, and I'm home not feeling well today from work. Could use safe hugs and support, just really struggling right now💔
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Sending you a hug too.
I get triggered very badly at times. I've recently discovered the Crappy Childhood Fairy's YouTube channel, she has a phrase I love: 'hamster wheel thoughts'! I've had a couple of bad nightmares lately, and during the day, at least once a day, I get 'attention' from men... Why won't they leave women alone? It sometimes derails me for the rest of the day, or of the evening, and if I'm at work, it makes me really angry and I can't focus and make mistakes.
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I need big, safe hugs today if anyone has any to spare, my heart hurts
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Absolutely!!! I have many hugs for you @waterlily13...and for as long as you need them!!!
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I feel like a burden, I don’t know where to go or look to find something to soothe the pain I’m feeling😓I have T tomorrow and I’m really looking forward to it, I’m just in a funk I can’t seem to get out of😓would love sitters and good vibes if anyone has any to share…..
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Of course @waterlily13
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@Capulet thank you so much friend❤️❤️❤️I’m struggling a lot this week and I don’t know why, I have T tomorrow and I’m glad, I just want to stay home and hibernate😴😞
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I can’t get out of bed this morning😞
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Sending you so much love friend, I haven't been on much, lots of triggers and PTSD things happening (can relate to the fogginess) but I'm think of you and sending you lots of safe hugs (if ok), and healing and peaceful energy. So so grateful for you in my life, and SO excited about your upcoming marriage!!! Hang in there, you bless so many people every day, I'm grateful I know you!!❤️
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I am overwhelmed, I need hugs
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I had a really, really bad night last night. Bad trigger, then awful, awful nightmares. I'm too embarrassed to write about the triggers, I feel so ashamed. I need support😞
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Thank you so much @Free2Fly @MeBeMary and @mini.finchI slept better last night so that's good, I'm so tired lately. I'm trying to be kind to myself but it's hard. The trigger was hard, and the memory it triggered from the night of my assault...I'm just so ashamed of
I'm gonna try to talk about it with T, but I have a feeling I'll dissociate. It's so hard carrying this
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Drunk more and more often lately, it feels better not to feel💔
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In a situation where I don't feel heard, and trying to advocate for myself. I'm feeling anxious and scared but marching ahead anyway, could use some sitters ❤️ (nothing scary, just interpersonal stuff, still hard though, feeling very emotional
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I'm feeling very anxious today and I don't know how to manage it, I just feel like I'm buzzing
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Meeting with T tomorrow to restart EMDR, I'm feeling anxious and drinking tonight to get the anxiety to calm down....I feel like such a mess, could use sitters
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@mini.finch it went well! I'm going to post an update! Thanks so much friend and also @Not Your Average Princess, that means a lot ❤️
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Having a lot of pain in my back and stomach tonight, could use sitters, hoping it passes soon ugh
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I am exhausted and I just need a hug💔
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Thank you so much @MeBeMary @mini.finch @Celia, it helps so much
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This is exactly where I'm at today, this made me cry, in a good way, when I read it. I felt like maybe others could relate to it to? Sending lots of love to everyone
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Thank you friend @MeBeMary
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Have T today and I'm anxious, could use sitters, need to talk about some hard things and last time I did I dissociated
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Thank you so much @Capulet@MeBeMary, I could feel you guys sitting with me and it helped!! It went really well, we worked on strategies to help me manage my anxiety and symptoms as we delve deeper into stuff. I will write more later, I need to talk and process but it just sends my anxiety up so high, I'm sitting with all the emotions, they're hard but it's a good thing, but it's all just so exhausting sometimes. I haven't really cried about my assault before, which sounds so ridiculous but I just can't seem to let myself feel enough to do it, it's just to much to feel, but I need to and I think I will get there if I keep working at this.
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So glad to hear it went well @waterlily13! Sending you my fave bubble dude.
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Thank you so much @AKB! I love him!! ❤️
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Feeling a lot of shame today
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I'm finally starting to be angry at *him*. I don't know what to do with these feelings, I feel wrong for having them but I've been angry at myself for so long and I don't want to carry it anymore. I have an injury that happened around the same time (in a car wreck not due to other trauma) that's finally healing and getting treatment, and I feel like I'm feeling and processing so much right now and it's somewhat overwhelming. Could use sitters and any kind words of advice
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Sitting with you. ❤️ Anger is a tough emotion to feel. I've resisted feeling it against my abuser(s) for a long time, but it's such a valid and reasonable feeling to have...after going through what you have, it makes sense to be angry. You're not wrong for being angry. It's good you're letting it out finally. *safe hugs if ok* Do you have a therapist you can talk to and work through these emotions with? I wish you all the best, also with your healing from your injury. Take care. ❤️
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Thanks so much @mini.finch❤️I do, she's really good and I really appreciate her, I'm meeting with her on Tuesday and I'm scared to talk about these things but I know I need too. Thank you for your kind words they mean a lot❤️
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Sitting with you friend, I am short on words but you amaze and inspire me and I'm so sorry for the pain you've had to endure. You are such an incredible person and you inspire me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hugs💙
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I'm struggling so much to focus tonight. I have so much anxiety it's making the writing I'm trying to do so hard
Send good thoughts please
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@Capulet thank you friend❤️
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I'm sitting with you friend, I hope you can find peace soon, here if you want to talk💙
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We are in the thick of traumaversary season. It feels so very lonely sometimes. I don't know how to explain it to people who've never been through, except to say I hope they never come to understand from experience the weight and pain this type of trauma is
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Just so tired tonight
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Thanks @MeBeMary, I'm doing a little better today, it's all just a lot sometimes
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trigger warning Crawling out from under the debris....
waterlily13 commented on Capulet's blog entry in A Grain of Salt & A Pound of Chocolate
Oh my goodness that's so much!! Sending so much love to you and J, what an absolute nightmare!! I'm so dang proud of you moving ahead with schooling and work, I hope you and J both can find some peace and reprieve! -
I relate so much to everything you wrote here, also I'm terrible at identifying my feelings too! My traumaversary is coming up soon, I'm sorry I'm late but I hope you are doing better, you are a beautiful person with so much worth who brings so much goodness to the world, thank you for sharing💜
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In the ER tonight with chest pains and shortness of breath, I'm nervous I don't know if it's an allergic reaction to an antibiotic I started on Sunday, or a panic attack, or something else but I feel awful and I'm scared
