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About ttrying

  • Birthday 03/20/2000

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  1. I just want to sleep!!

    I am so sorry for what you've been through. Welcome. You deserve restful nights and I hope you get some soon.
  2. New to this need a friend

    I'm so sorry for what you've been through. You are so strong for coming here. Here for support. Feel free to message me.
  3. Hi, new here

    You are not alone! You are always welcome here and you are so brave for taking these steps.
  4. My boyfriend and I broke up today :(

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. Free2Fly


      Safe hugs if okay? :hug: 

      sitting with you.


      free2fly :tealribbon: 

    3. ttrying
    4. Free2Fly


      Your welcome, break ups are though, I've only ever been through one though.


      here if you need someone to talk to I guess :) 


      free2fly :tealribbon: 

  5. Hi everyone

    Completely understandable.
  6. Hi everyone

    You are so brave for joining AS, especially so early on in your healing process. You are so strong and are not alone.
  7. New here

  8. One of my strongest memories  is from when I was watching the Oscars with my first real boyfriend, who was also the first person I ever told about my assault, and Lady Gaga came on and performed Til It Happens To You. I cried in his arms but I didn't feel weak, I felt strong and it was a really special moment for both of us. For anyone who hasn't heard the song or seen that live performance I definitely recommend looking it up, it will most likely trigger a lot of emotions but it features survivors standing together and it is so beautiful and empowering. Since then, well actually since the first time I ever heard the song and saw the music video, it has stuck with me in a really special way. As some of you know, I am a competitive dancer, and so I often compete lyrical/contemporary solos. At the last two competitions, a solo to Til It Happens to You has been in my category. The first time, it was right after mine and when I saw the name on the list before I went on stage it psyched me out a bit but I kept it together until I saw the dance after and cried because it was so beautiful. At the next competition, another dance to Til It Happens to You was the number right before mine. There are so many dances at competitions so having this happen twice was a crazy coincidence. I watched as much as I could from the wings and it did not psych me out. It empowered me. I channeled these true raw real emotions and I went on stage and gave it everything I had. It made me stronger. I scored really well and placed in the overalls. I'm not a super spiritual person but I believe this song follows me and sometimes plays exactly when I need it to. Just wanted to share. Thanks for listening

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Free2Fly


      Sorry to hear it made your cry,

      i never knew about this , I think it's great that they had survivors on there though really makes you think I could be strong like them one day. 

      Thanks for sharing.


      FREE2FLY :tealribbon: 

    3. ttrying


      It was the good kind of cry. Just what I needed. Glad you enjoyed.

    4. Free2Fly


      Oh that's good , yeah I agree we all need it sometimes just to be rid of the tears.



      FREE2FLY :tealribbon: 

  9. Yesterday was my 17th birthday! AND I won my dance competition over the weekend!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Iheartcupcakes


      Oh Wow I feel old...you were born in the year I graduated from high school....LOL 

    3. snmls


      Happy Belated birthday and congrats!  I used to dance too.  Dancing always made me happy

    4. Painnbroken


      Happy belated birthday and congrats to you.  I'm a march baby too :)

  10. Project hero blog

    Welcome. You are strong and you are not alone.
  11. Crying because there is a monster in the white house. Thinking about the terrible things he has said amd what this means for us survivors and all women and people. #notmypresident 😭😭😭

    1. Iheartcupcakes


      I agree wholeheartedly. You are not alone. 

    2. mary0331


      So agree!  Unfortunately, my husband is pro monster - and I am not supposed to cross him or I am stupid and an asshole....

    3. ttrying


      Thank you for your understanding. Glad we are all in agreement and can still stand together here.


  12. Just got mad paranoia in a grocery store isle alone when a man walked toward me. He was just shopping obviously. What's wrong withme I thought I was past this.

    1. ttrying


      A similar thing just happened again :(

  13. I had to take a break from AS for a while, it was just the right thing for me emotionally. But I'm back now and I am feeling a little strange. I am casually dating a guy and last night I told him about my assault when I wasn't planning on ever telling him. He was sympathetic and said "I'm sorry that happened to you" and he was also very angry "I want to beat that kid up, you don't do that to a girl. You don't treat another human being that way." But he also said a few things that really made me feel bad. He asked "why didn't you run away?" Not in an accusatory way just honest curiosity but it still made me feel a strange kind of guilt and stupidity. When I explained to him that I was pinned down and fought back but it wasn't enough because I was in shock, he appologized for asking and said he understood. He said he treats girls like queens and  would never do that to me and respects me and will always listen to me. He said this doesn't change the way he feels about me. He also kept asking "what's this kid's name? He needs to be f*d up. I'm really pissed right now wtf" And things like that. I just don't know how I feel about telling him I kind of regret it but was this the right thing to do? I don't know. 

    1. Iheartcupcakes


      I understand, ttrying. I am glad to see you back. 

      I have had that happen too. I think people just don't understand if they haven't been there, obviously, and secondly, sometimes when they care about you they want to try to make it un-happen, even if that is not even rational. My stepmother whom I adore said, in the same tone you described from your boyfriend, "Couldn't you have kicked him in the balls or something?" I didn't get mad. I knew she was in enormous pain and was just trying to process it. I know she didn't want it to happen. You shouldn't feel stupid at all. When I was attacked in college, my roommate was in her bedroom, right next to mine. I completely forgot she was even there. There was only him and me. I didn't even scream. I didn't think to call for help. That probably sounds amazing to people who are on the outside looking in. But the reality is our brains function in survival mode, and sometimes that is not logical to others. You truly never know until you are in that situation what you will do. I fought that one off, but the latest one...I never, ever thought I would freeze. Never. I thought I would fight to the death if that ever happened to me. But he had a gun, and that did something to my brain. I hope that makes sense to you. 


    2. ttrying


      Thank you so much that is all very helpful to hear <3 I've missed you iheartcupcakes

    3. Iheartcupcakes


      Good. I was hoping it would help :throb:

      I've missed you too! I was wondering about you but then I realized you were probably taking a break. I am glad I was right and that you are able to be back now. 

  14. I really desperately need someone to talk to right now. Anyone awake??

    1. Iheartcupcakes


      I'm so sorry :( I was not awake but I hope you are feeling better now.