Hoping8
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I am out. I am living RIGHT ON THE BEACH in Mexico, and I have time and air and... safety??? It hasn't solved everything, but I feel very very lucky to be here, and to be giving myself a good shot at healing. And when I DO freak out, as I am tonight, I do it from the beach, with the sound of waves and the salty breeze. I wish I could fast forward to wellness, but in the meanwhile I will gladly accept the process... from the beach.
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I've tried not to post for ages, since hearing that my experience would deter others. But I really need help and support. My criminal case went horribly. It set me back a bunch. I don't want to influence anyone else, but I could sure use some support.
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Your AS friends are here to support you on whatever part of your journey you are on. Sharing your experiences is important, I hope nobody here has said anything to make you feel you can not reach for support here. Please do not feel silenced. Sitting with you for support and company if you would like? 🧡 B
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I am sorry that you feel your experience would deter others. You are so worthy of support, and your experience matters and has value. I know I struggle with similar feelings sometimes, but when I check in with the person I am afraid I've harmed most of the time they didn't even remember the conversation and it's just me beating myself up. I wonder if that might be true here too, and that you're not causing harm at all by sharing what you've lived through. My feeling is that each of our stories make us so much stronger together, even if they include ways that the system continued to traumatize us. I hope you feel welcome here.
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Thanks for the backup. I've been in a pretty dark place lately. More than I ever remember from before. I don't plan to be beaten by this whole experience, but it has sure knocked me down. I just officially took leave from work--not my first choice at all, but work from home was removed as an option, sooooo....
I can't say it's a shock that I am out of commission. I've been under stress for years, extreme stress since November, and unbelievable stress since early January. R****** walked on felony charges, is now back in my places, trying to cozy up to my people, threatening to sue me for malicious fraud or some such ridiculous thing. And since schools are back to full time in person, no matter what, I had to either go back and fail--physically, mentally, and professionally--or take leave. So I took leave.
It feels horrible. I feel betrayed at so many levels, and I've lost so much hope. I am going to keep on trying, but this is new territory for me, where I literally do not know what to do next; where to go next.
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I could really use your help in "coming back" from a long time in the court. I suspect I can do it, but it is hard and challenigng.
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Of all things, my Counselor came out with a random beef, and threw my advocates under the bus too. I want to keep pushing forward with criminal and civil cases, but every step seems to bring ugly obstacles. I am getting worn out.
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Hi Fiona, and welcome--though sorry to hear that you "fit" on a site like this. You'll find a very warm, welcoming and supportive community here--it has been a godsend for me.
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Hi @Maya20 I was very scared and nervous when I first joined this site too. It will pass, and you will find acceptance and support here. Welcome.
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I think I just quit my job.
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Literally sick. Like chills and vomiting. That’s partly the r Aston for the job thing—I have been having a hard time staying healthy with the court stuff, and my principal is a bully. She was saying hateful stuff to me and I just took the week off. Wrote to HR. I’ve reported to them repeatedly already. Idk, not what i want, but i am tired of being abused at work.
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Hi Hoping8, How was last night for you? I'm hoping you got at least a little sleep. I know it's really difficult to fall asleep when the anxiety is running high... It's also tough to function when you're sleep-deprived... Just wanted you to know I'm still thinking of you and sending you fierce-grace energy
And also, when you get a chance, try sending me a PM again. I did receive 2 other messages within the past couple days from other people, so if you can't send one then I should probably let someone know so they can fix it.... I hope today is good for you. Take care.
feralcat
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Hi Matt, and welcome. I know what you mean about happy and shaking—it is a big step to start intentionally seeking out places and people who will support and “see” you. It’s powerful and new, and exciting. Congrats on reaching out for what you need!
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Hoping8 changed their profile photo
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Aw, @Gordy, I am all for you doing and saying whatever serves you, but please know that I hope you’ll get to a place that you don’t need to call what you are doing blind or stupid. Maybe brave and determined? Resolved and courageous??? F-you and bad**s???
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Hi @sarahoknow and welcome. You will find a lot of acceptance and support here. I am glad you found this site.
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I wanna see you burn
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Hi @WaterfallSoul I am glad you found this site—it is full of support and kindness, and lots of people who can relate to parts of your experience, even though only you know your whole unique experience. You are welcome here!
