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  1. Gordy

    More Random

    so I have been going to the therapist for 4 weeks now, we talked yesterday about working on recovering my lost memories. She thinks that I do have CPTSD but she said that there something else going on beside that. She didn't elaborate on that but I have to work on self care first though. Apparently treating myself as little more then an animal is not heathy. I will admit it a little disconcerting to have both my wife and my therapist saying that it surprising I am not a serial killer. That bothers me a little. APS in my home state isn't going to do anything about my brother emotionally abusing my mother. They promised multiple time over the past month to go to the home and speak with her about it. They have yet to do so. No wonder the receptionist laughed when I told her I was calling APS about the landline. She knew APS there is a joke. I cant even get a call back from the caseworker. And people wonder why I dont trust the Government. I starting the classes for counseling , between the dyslexia and the childhood abuse about it I having a hard time with the essays. I feel they have to be prefect and I struggle with that. I going to try to apply something I decided about work and hobbies along time agoto it. Some Times good enough is. I am just aiming for competence not perfection. " Perfect is the enemy of good" Voltare
  2. Gordy

    2nd session

    Thank you.
  3. Gordy

    2nd session

    So I went to my second therapy session , I plan on doing this once a week for at least a year . we started talking about some to childhood memories and she had me walk her through a couple of them that I told her before about . and she asked me what emotions I felt when I recalled these memories . None . I went though the memory of me walking in the kitchen with that gun to shoot my stepfather . And she asked me "what emotions did you feel when you did that" . There's absolutely no emotion attached that memory . She asked me how do you think you felt , I said imagine fear and anger . It seems weird to me that I can call up what few memories I have of my childhood and there's absolutely no emotions attached . I guess it's something we're gonna have to work on . And as for the situation with my mother , the land line is tied in. the nursing home let me talk to her on the 16th . My brother is still refusing to return the phone . As far as I know he hasn't given her her cell phone back . I'm going to call her tomorrow and see what's going on. He visits her on Saturday so I'm not going to call while he's there. She told me that he's emotionally abusive when he's there , that he's a control freak and everything has to be done his way . She's telling me she doesn't even argue with him anymore she just does what she's told . And every time she talks about a memory he calls her a liar . When me and him were still talking I mentioned that she told me about memories that I remember . And he was trying to convince me she was just lying about stuff and that I don't really remember it . I was supposed to hear from APS yesterday but I didn't . I'm going to call them Monday afternoon if I don't hear anything to see what's going on . I believe they opened up a formal investigation . My wife reported the phone stolen to the police department of the small town he lives in . They're not sure if they can do anything about it .
  4. Gordy


    Well, I went to my first therapy session. I think it went well. I going to go once a week for awhile. There was a lot to cover in a short period of time so I think I kind of confused her. Lol. Based on some of the things I told her she seems to think my stepfather was a Pedophile. Which I also believe. Just having these sessions seems to help. This thing with my mom has me stressed out. We still don't know if they turned the landline on and my brother took the phone I sent my mom. Or the nursing home give it to him. He texted me from my mom's cell phone. He "found" it. He wants to block certain numbers from calling her, so I am assuming ,as much as he hates my sister ,he means her. He wants to control her she can talk too. I am probably on the block list once he thinks he can get away with it. Still haven't heard back from the APS. I going to call them again on Monday after I hear about the phone work order. Even though it doesn't seem like they can't do anything about it. My wife and son think that me asking about our childhood made him remember. And he doesn't want to remember the part he played in my sexual abuse. And by pushing back against him trying to control mom I am making him lose control of his world.
  5. Gordy


    the other night me and my wife were talking about me getting therapy. And I asked her How are you gonna deal with me when I'm sane. Is she responded with" You're probably going to divorce me". No, that's not gonna happen. If leaving her and my kids is the only way the therapist thinks I can heal then I will stay crazy. That's not an option. She and the kids saved my life. There was literally no way the person that married her would of survived this long. Without her and my children to love me for me I would be dead, in jail or living in a ditch. and yes I told her that. My birth family would of just used me up and cast me aside. Speaking of which, the nursing home , after 3 days of trying finally let me talk to my mother. Her behavior on the phone was odd. She seem agitated and distracted. Her speech patterns were unusual. I ask if she plugged her phone in as the phone guy was there the day before. My brother refuses to bring her her phone out of storage at his house. We got the report on the work order on the phone from the phone company, the nursing home refused him access to the telcom room. He going to try agian tomorrow . I called APS yesterday about it. Still haven't gotten a return call. Elder abuse is just as epidemic of child abuse. Isolating The elder from Family Is considered elder Abuse. They encourage people To report Elder and child Abuse. I have done so to the proper Authority . It would be nice If I knew they were doing something about it.i will try agian tomorrow. the phone we bought her should be there tomorrow as well. snice I blocked my brother on social media and his phone # I know he is angry at me. his has angry issues and is a drunk, that`s a dangerous combination. I know that used to be me.
  6. Gordy

    therapy hopefully

    I have a new therapy appointment on Friday. I hope.
  7. Gordy

    Appt canceled

    I got a call yesterday that the therapist I scheduled my appt with is not part of my insurance. The office was training a new person and they made a mistake. Since they are out of net work it's $4000 deductible then 50% per appointment. I can't afford that. So looking again. Having that appointment was really helping me to hold it together this week. Was quite the let down.
  8. Gordy

    still holding it together.

    The nursing home finally got the idea that I am allowed to talk to my mother. Just took another phone from APS. I told her I was looking into getting her a phone. Since my brother won't give hers back. She was all excited. Just can't get the phone company to understand just a landline. No internet, no cable just a phone. Lol We don't want her just sitting in her room. She needs to be socializing with other members of the facility. Later on I got an abusive drunken text rant from him. Attacking me and just about every other member of my extended family. Had to block his # and FB account. I feel sorry for his wife and son. He has turned into our stepfather. My wife appears to not be all that concerned about a fake APS complaint about us. But I'm still freaking out. Friday still a long way off.
  9. Gordy


    I have my very first therapy appt Friday. Their still stonewalling me on talking to my mom. So between that, worrying my brother going to file a fake APS report against us. Being removed from the messenger group for update about mom. Trying too not stress my wife out about calling APS on my brother. The memories, thoughts and suspicions of what was done to me as a child that keep floating up. The depression and anxiety of everything that going on I am beginning to doubt I can hold everything together till Friday. There a limit to even how much I can take. And based on how far I fell Sunday I am way past that limit.
  10. Gordy

    still be stonewalled

    I called the nursing home four time now. Each time there is a different reason my mom can't come to the phone. She playing bingo. No one available to get her, shift change, and tonite no one to get her. I left my name and # each time no called back. Tomorrow we going to look into getting a land line into her room. And I calling the manger to inform them I will be calling APS agian if I do not here from her by end of day tomorrow. Next is filing a complaint with the board that oversees their license. They damn near killed her by over medicating her. Then maybe the DA to see what happen to her money.
  11. Gordy

    Got a call

    I got a call from my mother. She called on my sister in laws phone. We talk for about 10 minutes. She seem clear and lucid for some one in their late 70s. they were giving her an almost lethal dose of diuretic which explains why she was having all the hallucinations and memory problems . I've asked her to give me written permission to be on the Hippa list to check on the medication and treatment they are giving her . She says she will do that . . also asked her to put me on the list of emergency contact numbers . the nursing home she is in has some of the poorest ratings of the state she is in . So yes I will be keeping an eye on them . I will be calling the manager on Monday about the landline , and if necessary I will buy and send her a cell phone. When my brother and I are having our little argument about mom's current treatment he brought up he's been taking care of her for eight years where was I. well he could've contacted me at any time during that , I've been on Facebook since there was a Facebook . I feel he waited until my sister and himself stole all her money before he wanted me involved in it . this all revolves around me trusting my brother , and I don't . I cut myself off from that family for 17 years because the situation amongst all of us was very toxic . And I simply didn't want my wife and children involved in that . But now her mom's time is ending I want to be involved in her life , I will let her know , if I am ever allowed speak to her again,that I forgiven her for all that happen when we were kids . And I really don't care if I speak to my brother and sister again. maybe on their or mine deathbed we can talk, but until then I just don't want to hear anything from them
  12. Gordy


    APS called , they visited the nursing home and there doesn't appear to be any signs of abuse or neglect. They say that the overmedication problem has been solved and will not happen again . My brother is not my mother's guardian , and even if he was he is not legally allowed to keep me from talking to her . the nursing home said that they will be installing a landline into my mothers room so that she can call me or I can call her whenever we wish . I called to speak with her this afternoon , the receptionist was a little pissy with me but went to check to see if my mother was available to speak to me . She said my mother was playing bingo , I told her I was happy that my mother was socializing not to disturb her here's my number have her call me when she gets a chance. I'm going to wait till mid morning tomorrow to call back to speak with her again . If for some reason I am unable to speak to her , I will remind the nursing home that they are legally obligated to allow me to speak with her . Leave my number again and ask for them to make sure she calls me . Monday I will call the facility try to speak to the manager to find out how long it will take to get the landline installed. If I get the vibe that they're stonewalling me by Monday I will send APS back over . I've been told that one of my personality traits , when I think I'm in the right , as I am relentless . APS told my mother that I'm the one that sent them and they said she was very pleased that I was concerned enough to send them in. now we just wait to see what my brother does in retaliation. I doubt if we'll ever speak again , I don't consider that a great loss . Sadly elder abuse is as epidemic as child abuse, and while she wasn't there for me to stop what happen to me if it all possible I'm going to be there to stop it from happening to her .
  13. Gordy

    Going to be a long day

    I called the state ofice of APS just before close of business yesterday. They called the local office. They only got the receptionist but they were told someone would call me. About a half hour later some called. Was dismissive of my concerns but say they go to the nursing home when they got a chance. About 10 minutes later the caseworker called. She seem to take my concerns more seriously and told me she would go by today. It almost 11 there still haven't heard any thing. I giving them till 4 their time and calling them back. At this time I believe they going to do what they told me they would do but I have trust issue with social services. They were weaponized against us when my daughter was younger. I doubt my brother going to take this laying down. I fully expect him to call APS on us and file a fake report alleging the worst things he can think of. It probably going to be bad. My stress levels are though the roof. So it going to be a long day while I wait to hear something.
  14. Gordy

    48 hours

    I called in an Elder Abuse complaint to the county my brother and mother live in. I am concerned that based on some of the things she told me when I was allowed to talk to her and the fact that I am not allowed to call the nursing home now and my brother is controlling who she's allowed to speak to and when that she is being abused and neglected. State law requires them to respond to the complainant within 24 hours, it's been 48 still haven't heard from them. I called this morning to see what was going on and was told the person assigned to the case was in a meeting and she'll get to me when she gets to me. I can't help to feel that I'm being stonewalled. My brother's been in that Community for 30 some odd years probably knows everybody out there. Hell the people I called to complain about him probably went to high school with him. He told me that most of the people that work at the nursing home moms in went to high school with his wife. I may never be allowed to speak to her again, and as vindictive is my brother is she will probably died thinking I hate her. and no I don't trust these institutions. I was a kid the people and institutions that were supposed to protect me didn't. Everybody knew about the physical abuse, relatives teachers doctors. They all turned a blind eye to it because my stepfather was a nice guy that everybody liked. They don't want to cause trouble for him. nobody spoke up because no one wanted to rock the boat. And my brother sister mother and myself paid the price for that. If I don't hear from the county APS by the end of business today, I'm going to call at state level. And if I don't hear anything from them within one business day I'm going to call at the federal level. I firmly believe that once my brother here's about me making these complaints he will call APS in my state and file a complaint in retaliation. Since I've already started the ball rolling I have to take this as far as I can possibly take it. and if I need to get federal DOJ Attorneys involved then that's what I'm going to do. Wouldn't be the first time
  15. Gordy

    No win scenario

    my wife and I talked about what I did earlier ,filing an elder abuse compliant against the nursing home .she says I based on the information I have I did the right thing. that any who loved their mother would do the same. I feel that by not allowing me access to her records and not allowing me to speak to her with out my brother listening make it appear they are hiding something. my brother went on a text rant about it. saying I upset the staff, trying to guilt me for not being there the past years. angry that I dared to question him. telling me to come get her he will pack her shit .calling me crazy . Basic emotional manipulation Tactics. he turned what was a reseasonable request that well within my rights as her son in to a major control issue. he has to have all the control. I just wanted a better understanding of her medical condition. my wife thinks that me talking to him about our childhood made him think of things he doesn't want too and that explains the rage. years ago my mother had a bunch of money set aside for retirement. My brother says my sister stole it. but I now wondering how much he got. he says she lost the house to the bank. did she? or did he put her in a home so he could sell it? his wife takes a lot of trips to Hawaii. would not be the first time a child did this to a parent. APS there Thursday or Friday. that going to start a shitstrom. Now wife saying we have to get ready for retaliation. That we could lose our daughter over this. I just feel so hopelesss over this, I feel I had no choice But the file the complaint But now I feel like I've just destroyed our whole lives. do the right thing lose everything. I really hate no win scenarios.
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