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About this blog

This is where I'll be expressing all my thoughts and basically anything that fits below my life, what's in my mind, and/or any dreams and nightmares I have.  It'll contian TRIGGERS, please be aware.  I'll be writing paragraphs, short (real) stories, and poems.  I love writing poems; you'll be seeing a lot of them. 

Entries in this blog

Lost Another Friend

I lost another friend, Here I go again. Guess what, it isn't new, I blame myself again.   I'm at fault for the disaster, I'm at fault for losing my friend. He was like a brother to me, But admittedly, a jerk.. something.   He would be nice to me, Treat me like his sister. But sometimes then he jokes around, Acts inappropriate and acts sinister.   But everytime I'd confront, He'd laugh and tell me to chill. He'd

Celia

Celia in Friend

Not Understood

I'll be plain and honest, I'm not very strong. Everytime I stand up,  I always fall down.   I'll be plain and honest, Everytime I try, I fail. When they say, "get up," They also say, "it's not a big deal."   I'll be plain and honest, About every word I've heard. "Strong," "smart," "beautiful," It's just a lie in my mind.   I'll be plain and honest, With all the lies aside. Last few months,  I've been thinki

Celia

Celia in Pain

Regret...

People keep telling me that I was in the right to report something (they know what it is).  Some of them say that I did what was best for my friend.  While the others say that my choices were these: A) I report and she's angry and everything is ruined or B) I don't report it and she commits suicide. Not long after I reported everything and she found out, she said that she never would have committed suicide.  She said she was afraid of death.   Although, all those times she talked to me

Celia

Celia in Friend

Amazing... then triggering.

Been a while... I've recently recalled something that I find nagging at me constantly.  How can something you love SO much, suddenly be something you hate and despise the most?  It's very irritating. *Possible Trigger* Well, one day, I had to go to a hotel and while there, I made a phone call to the abuser.  Such a wise choice, huh?  The social worker and my therapist were SO hesitant about me doing it, but the detective said it might help.  Maybe the abuser will confess, right? 

Celia

Celia in Pain

Naive

Friends, family, Maybe a bf for me. Anyone I like or am close to, I'm naive and can't breathe.    When they ask me to do something, I do it without thought.  Whatever makes them happy, Is all that really counts.   Pic, or a selfie, Maybe audio or a snap. Everytime I try to say no, To them, it's a bunch of crap.   They say they aren't unhappy, When I say no to them. Yet, the look on their face, Shows their p

Celia

Celia in Pain

Bloodline

Fucking pissed, Losing my mind. I'm definitely gonna cut, It's happening tonight.   Gonna cut and bleed, Just as I cry. Tearline, bloodline, Watch it all drip away.   Feel the pain, Feel the burn. This is real, And it hurts.   I don't care, Cut away. The pain is bad, Drives me to cut deeper.   No regret, I'm fucking done. Cut so deep, I can't remember.   Is there a vein?

Celia

Celia in Pain

It's official

It's official, She's gone away. Blocked my account, Can't see my name.   She left the doc, Both of them. Can't see her pic, Cause she's gone for good.   Lost all her friends, She blocked them too. Even my close friend, Now she's fucking confused.   Texting me like crazy, I'm going out of my mind. Blaming me for what happened, But said she's on my side?   Said it's alright, She said it's all f

Celia

Celia in Friend

Constant reminder

This one isn't a poem today, unfortunately.  I think it'd make things easier for me if it was, heh.  Although, today, I'm just going to talk about something.  More of a "someone."  This "someone" is my mother's bf.  I'll say, "Mark."  Now, technically, I wouldn't consider Mark much of my mom's bf.  More of less, six years ago when I was 12 years old, my family needed to move out immediately and so she found Mark online who was looking for a roommate.  Well, he came with a few cons.  More like, a

Celia

Celia in Pain

Pain tonight

My head,  The pain.    My chest, The strain.   My eyes, The game.   My thoughts, The drain.    There, What's that sound?   Here, I wanna drown.   Thoughts, Just wanna play.   Games, Gonna stay.   Memories, Through the day.   Punishment, You must pay.    Words, They're gonna say.   Things,  Once made.   Sounds, Not

Celia

Celia in Pain

My dear friend

The picture above,  Is made from someone I know. She was an artist and a singer, She had a very special glow.   Me not cutting for a long time, Was all thanks to her. She helped me through so much, And I promised to be with her forever.   I swore to be by her side, I swore it'll all be alright. Look at the disappointment that lies, I'm the cause of all those ties.   Now she's gone, My dearest friend. Was a siste

Celia

Celia in Friend

Hard to accept

I've done some things, Hard to explain. All the complications, All the frustrations.     I was in the right, I did the right thing.   But my head is stubborn, Not very accepting.    Now all the confusion, My head is hurting.   I want to cut and cry, But I can't do any harming.    I'm stuck on these words, Of all the people around me. Different opinions, I don't know what to think now.   Getting me

Celia

Celia in Accepting

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