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Ghostly Lilian

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  1. Hi everyone

    Armadiiiiiilloooooos! _ we don't have them here. jumping for snakes When I was a kid (and adolescent) I used to catch spiders and scorpions and keep them as pets, inside glass jars. I obviously prepared the right environment ´┐╝for them and fed them. I also wanted to try with little snakes, but my father didn't let me
  2. Hi everyone

    Hi Lottie, welcome to AS I'm so sorry for your past! You're definitely not alone here, and you'll hopefully find here plenty of kind and understanding people willing to hear you and also validation for your feelings. I love the house in the woods thing! You, your wife and your furry babies :3 I love woods as well as nearly anything that moves that's not human, from scorpions, to fishes, frogs, snakes and horses, to my recently rescued new room mate. Name's Leo, he's a striped gray two months old kitten
  3. New member here

    I'm sorry for what happened to you and I hope you'll find here all the support you hoped for. Safe hugs if ok
  4. My Kitty Died

    That's one of the things that helps me the most when a pet dies: I know they don't have bills to pay, family relying on them, plans for their life... The live day by day, and I know that if I can give them days full of love and enjoyable moments together, they could die at any time, and they would die happy and would have lived their life at the best. And I end up thinking that my pets probably lived a better life than mine, while they were alive, so that already feels like an accomplishment and makes me think that I did so much for them instead and probably I'm suffering more for their death than they ever suffered on their entire life. That may be different for stray animals you can't take proper care of, or animals with a gruesome past that never fully recovered from the abuse. I was around a lot of sick animals, especially kittens, while growing up too. The thing that made me most angry was that we HAD the damn money, but my parents never wanted to share a shred of food with those animals, let alone bringing them to the vet. I would feed them a little while they didn't watch, but I couldn't do anything more. I understand feeling powerless. I remember the day we found a young howl under a tree. It was almost ready to fly, colored in white and gray. I had never seen a similar animal before, it was beautiful and so cute, I was just amazed. We waited to see if its parents came to rescue him, but the following day he was still there. My father took it an put it into a cage so that wild animals wouldn't eat him. Then, none of my parents wanted to let us feed him. He was inside a freakin' cage, with no food and water. Me and my brother watched him slowly dying of starvation. It was heartbreaking. I hated my parents so much. Yeah, we can't save everyone, it's not always our responsibility, but you're all trying to survive out there, and I think you're a really amazing person for sharing what you have with the animals around your house even if you don't have that much for yourself if ok
  5. #12 Permission to Feel Hurt

    Well I really understand this. I feel so bad too when I read those supposed motivational sentences like "you're the only one who can decide how to feel". F**k no, it doesn't work like that! I was also always told that if I suffered, it was because I had done something bad, so I had not the right to suffer, because probably I made someone else suffer more, so I really feel that "permission to feel hurt" thing. Now, I really understand that what your T said might have led you to do this connection with what everyone used to say to you, it happened to me a lot. But I think there's a little-big difference: people told you that you had not the right to feel hurt because according to them you did it on purpose when you could just be fine (nope, nope.), your T said that, RIGHT BECAUSE YOU FEEL HURT, and it can't go away so easily, you should focus and work on that suffering, that can not but exist, because it was done to you. And you're not going to be fine overnight, it will most likely be hard work to overcome it, and the sooner you start allowing yourself to feel that hurt, the sooner you may start healing. I think it's not about admitting that it's your fault and responsibility if you suffer, because it's not. I think it's more about recognizing and allowing your suffering, taking care of it as a real and important thing, that's right the opposite of what people used to tell you. I understand how might be important to you talking about what others did to you - and blame them - though, I also do this, maybe we really feel the need to convince ourselves and others that what we went through was real bad and that anyone would have suffered, that we are justified, and that it's not just us being sensitive, making a drama over nothing and always doing and being wrong. Maybe your T just thought this was taking from you too many energies that could have been focused on healing. But I don't know, probably what you need to heal from the most right now, is not being recognized and validated, not feeling to have the right to suffer. How can you focus on healing from a suffering that you don't even recognize?
  6. Looking for Answers

    Welcome whitman I hope you'll find here the help you're looking for. Omg, I'm not of many words tonight (it's late here) can I just give you a sincere, safe, warm, friendly hug?
  7. New

    Hi @Autumngrace, welcome! I hope you'll find here what you're looking for, we surely do the best we can to help each others, to listen and be supportive I'm sorry for what brought you here, but I'm also happy and proud of you for trying to heal and reaching out
  8. Hello

    Wow! This is great! My mother has diabetes, I kind of know how it's like, and it's so wonderful that Eric can notice when your blood sugar levels are lowering and help you!
  9. Hello

    Welcome again. Snakes! You have a snake! what kind? My boyfriend would love your goats. He would like to have one.
  10. New To this. This is my first day here

    Welcome Cmerlotts Cute profile pic! Nice to meet you, even though these are not the best circumstances... I hope this site can be useful and provide you support
  11. I can't believe I'm doing this...

    I don't know.... I'm still confused about why I'm here, and I often can't believe myself about it, so one of the most important things for me is validation I guess. Another is being able to help others. Then there's the amazing work the community made to offer a place where people are positively sharing their struggles to receive and give support, instead of throwing random triggering content left and right with no regards for others or even promoting unhealthy coping strategies, as I have seen in other places. This never happens here. The site is very well organized and the useful "triggering" tags warn people about the kind of content treated in the posts, so that one can stay away from contents that he/she feels not ready to deal with. For me it's also very important reading about experiences with which I can relate and see the whole thing from an external point of view. It has also been useful the education this site provides about SA or abuse in general, it helped to clear up my mind and to feel I maybe didn't do the wrong thing reaching out and signing up to After Silence. Technically I have all the reasons to be here, but feeling it is a different story.
  12. need someone who understands

    Hi and welcome I pretty much agree with Capulet. Unluckily, that's not the kind of thing that you can wipe away with some advice. Can't your friend wait? Does he know something? Could you just tell him that you don't want to lose him, but with your husband things didn't end in the best way and you need time before starting another relationship? Make sure to be truly ready to make something sexual again before doing it, it could take a lot of time, and it could also be not so easy to figure out. Personal experience.
  13. I can't believe I'm doing this...

    Hi @PhoenixEmber and welcome! It is definitely possible for you to be heard and seen and you deserve it! You ARE important! What you want and what you need DOES matter. Another invisible girl here. That's why I chose this nickname. Welcome to As and best wishes
  14. new and confused

    It could be. Take distance then for now if you feel that's what is better for you. Take the time you need best wishes
  15. Newbie

    Woah, that's very recent! You made up your mind so fast! This should be a compliment, It took me five years to start questioning myself about what happened and one more year after my perp told me he knew it wasn't consensual to start accepting it and wonder if I should reach out. And I'm not the only one. It's not so easy, I'd start by being proud of you being able to reach for support as soon as you realized your close ones weren't providing enough of it. And I'm sorry they didn't. Good point patriciag made: there's also a section for survivors' relatives and friends, and who is registered as secondary survivor has no access to some sections of the forum that are only for primary survivors, so that survivors can keep their privacy while receiving all the support they feel asking for. If you think that it could be of any use you're free to ask your husband if he would like to register. Also I really hope we could help you go through this and heal in the best way possible. Hugs if ok