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amallison0084

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    Female

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. Well i know its been since last year since i wrote so much has happened. since my brothers suicide i couldnt handle it any more and came really close to the edge of SH and so i went into inpatient to get some help to deal with the feeling surrounding it and also got my meds regulated at the same time. i am in no means "better". im searching for the light right now. im searching for hope. i try to see the good in things but right now even though i did go inpatient i still hurt. i hurt because he left me that is why im searching for hope. he was my hope my light at the end of the tunnel. my hear
  2. Well, yesterday was my first Thanksgiving without my brother. As ive written he took his life a couple of months ago. so thus leaving this my first holiday without him. we went through csa together so pretty much everything in my mind and logic should be a peace of cake after that. Boy was i way off track and wrong. i thought i would be able to handle it with style and grace. after all i had his ashes so in a way he was there in "presence". also along that line he was there in spirit that should have been enough for me or anyone i guess. well it wasnt for me. i was so used to even if we weren
  3. Well, I've been trying to think of how to write this entry and even more on what to title it, still not sure the title is correct, but I am trying. Since, my brother, who i when through child sexual abuse, physical mental and emotional abuse with took his life the nightmares have come back. they seem to be of the abuse that we went through together. they went away for so long. i dont understand why they have come back now. i have been dealing with the abuse in therapy, well until now because of the stop in progress due to the suicide. i havent self harmed in over a year, i now use a rubber ban
  4. I am not new to this community. I have tried to do a blog before but failed at it. Recent events have brought me back here and I feel that it is important for me to do this. My therapist said a blog is kind of like a journal entry and you can write whatever, so I think I will share the recent events that have brought me to do the blog and a bit about my background. At the age of 4 I began to be sexually abused along with my brother by our babysitter, mother and her many boyfriends. Growing up in foster care from the age 6-10 some of the abuse continued for me and at times with him as well
  5. @Capulet or @Iheartcupcakes would be able to explain it better. but it is great to know your not alone and that you have support through the holidays.
  6. last year we did an awesome thing. holiday buddies. I think it would be a great thing to do again this year. I can not participate but it may help other members it helped me last year
  7. used to feel like i belonged not so much now

    1. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug: if ok?

      i know what you mean , it's hard to feel like you belong here sometimes.

      sitting with you.

  8. Just because your struggling does not mean your failing 

    1. snmls

      snmls

      Thank you.  I needed to see that.  :throb:

  9. surviving:)

    1. sarahoknow

      sarahoknow

      Blessings to you that you continue :throb:

  10. this to shall pass!:P

    1. Hoping8

      Hoping8

      Hi @amallison0084, I had a reminder in my phone to check in with you this week.  How are you doing?

  11. Hi everyone, My conselor suggest this so am trying it out. I am a suviour of child sexual abuse and currently a month ago as well.
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