I've recently made the decision to stop seeking therapy. I've attempted therapy so many times only for it all to fail. I feel like most therapists are extremely inadequate. The first therapist i saw when i was 13 suggested I walk alone downtown in order to overcome my social anxiety. I mean most adults don't even go by themselves let alone a child. The crime rate in there is bad. And then she made me cry in one session. I ran out of the room sobbing because she said something that upset me so bad.
Then the second one spent all our sessions just talking about college. I would tell her about these memories i was having and we would never go over any of it. It was all about college. And the advice she gave me never worked. And when i would tell her it wasn't working she wouldn't listen and just acted like i was doing it wrong.
The third therapist spent several minutes arguing with me about a band i listen to. She told me i need to listen to positive music and i told her there was a band i listen to that is positive. It's a band that does cinematic music. She said it can't be positive because cinematic music is scary like the music from jaws... So apparently in her mind all cinematic music is like the music from Jaws?? It didn't even make sense. Then she kept arguing with me that I wasn't allowing my time spent in psych hospital to "help me" Anyone who says psych hospitals or emergency rooms are there to help people who are suicidal is incredibly naiive or they're just lucky enough to be helped by medication. I'm not. That's all these places are they're just pill dispensaries. They don't give you any ACTUAL help. I would rather kill myself than go to one of those hell holes. The staff is always rude and uncaring and you have literally no rights. Your not allowed anything not even a phone. It's like your a prisoner being punished for wanting to die. That's how i would describe it.
Then the fourth one the emdr one seemed to be helping at first but our last session just irritated me. We were talking about stuff that was extremely upsetting to me and then she expected me to do the grounding exercise. I was so upset and distraught i couldn't even do it. Instead of being patient and trying to help me she just said "well i can't help you unless you help yourself." I swear to god i wanted to smack her... Like seriously isn't this your job to help me? Your not even trying. She could have just talked me through it and helped me to calm down enough so i could instead of just putting it all on me and acting like it's my fault. And then when i told her about upsetting things i had seen online she acted like i went out of my way to see these things. I don't there just stuff i bumped into being on youtube or even just browsing online. Like how insulting and patronizing... I hate it when therapists do crap like that. Like they don't even take the time to understand they just assume crap. And then she didn't really even talk to me about it she just treated me like an idiot. Like again it's my fault because im the one intentionally seeking this stuff out. She just put the blame all on me.
So yeah im done with therapy. I know a lot of people on here have had a lot of luck and fortune with therapy but I don't believe it's necessary to heal and i don't think it helps everyone like people seem to think it does. It's too hard to find one thats decent and it's too expensive. I've had more luck working through my issues on my own. I feel like what would benefit me more than anything is simply going to college and meeting people and realizing the world isn't as bad as it seems to me. Also i've found that simply accepting my emotions instead of trying to ground myself or meditate is actually working better. Therapy tricked me into thinking that i had to do all this stuff to keep my emotions at bay but just allowing them to be there is helping. So yeah if anything i feel like therapy has done me more harm than good and was really just a waste of my time.