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About elisand

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    After Silence & my therapy room
  • Interests
    certain pop music, Being in supportive & caring atmosphere, Psychology,

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  1. Hi! I know I've been awol from here. 

    I'd like to notify everyone here I have started a YouTube channel. The name is Elisand. Please interact and I hope to lend some support to you. see you there!

  2. Hi and welcome! Feel free to message me if you want. Here for you you're not alone.
  3. Hi! Welcome to after silence! Feel free to share or keep private in a way you feel secure. Your support of others on After silence is priceless. So happy to have you on. If you would like a more casual friendship you can send me a message.
  4. hi, for 20 years i didn't know whether i'd suffered abuse. like it was my fault because a certain measure of ""pleasure"" was felt. well, it was abuse and the ""pleasure"" was what destroyed any drop of life from me.
  5. Sorry I haven't been around. I have a slow internet connection 

  6. Thanks @kmkz andand @CrimsonRegrets
  7. Back at my house I'm being triggered & thrown off in ways I don't even realize. A certain blanket a horn instruments a bathroom I was feeling not in control. Helpless. My body was reacting to all this. I took a hammer and destroyed his horn. I'm slowly retaking control. Got rid of the blanket self talk controlling & choosing my food intake.
  8. Here 4 you Welcome 2 After Silence!
  9. Finished 1st phase of therapy scary but happy and proud

  10. that is definitely a big component. Just yesterday mom and dad did just that. they said "the abuser was young it wasn't his fault" i bet you know how bad that made me feel
  11. What a horrendous thing this perv did. I'm so sorry. To me, that you were affected quite strongly by this pervert is totally valid and legitimate. At the same time you're kind of reprimanding yourself, 'why am I reacting like this, I know all the therapy principles, I should be able to handle this'. Hard to acknowledge though it is, you were a victim. The truth is that keeping the experience in is a recipe for depression and ptsd to set in. However, that is not to say you have to embrace a victim identity. It's just so important to obtain compassion for the terrible experience for pr
  12. People have always said to me that if I feel bad cuz someone hurt me it's my fault that the only one who hurts me is me. Forever I hated that. I'd try to not be hurt & obviously that didn't work. My therapist and I were exploring the concept how when someone hurts me what i should focus on is not about that person, that he's bad and did the wrong thing. Even though that may be. What matters the most for me is how it is affecting me. That person may never apologize, so where would that leave me if I depend on him. Instead I could try to figure out a way to deal with what I
  13. Hi and Welcome to AS! here 4 you
  14. thank you AutumnM, it means a lot.
  15. yes, teleah i would not call myself a survivor until I feel I'm ready to try a new identity w/o hurting myself. I also felt invalidated when people said i'm a survivor. I would fight them. Even though they thought they were being supportive. showering is hard for me too
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