With you as you get your feet wet. I support your healing 100%.
I have many chunks missing and just seems like big blocks of time are just summed up by one "thumbnail" but I cant access the video or memory, if that's easy to understand? And you know what? so. So, what? Today is today, and I am in the present. And that's why its called the present because it is a gift from God. I know the past can have an affect on who were are today, but lets take this raw material that we are today and let God turn it into something good! He can and will if we let Him! It does get better.
I am sorry you are experiencing physical traumas and haven't had the ability to control the outbursts yet. Oh, yeah, you aren't crazy :). And its up to you if you want to know what happened to you as a kid, but honestly, that kid has transformed into who you are today. And who you are today will keep being molded into something so completely whole and different, that kid that you were will be forgotten. And what we will have left is you And I'm glad to have met you.
I think stop trying to figure out all the intricacies of how it affected you and who you are because of behavioral changes and mental problems and the opportunities missed and so forth and so on, it seriously just causes worry and anxiety. Who you decide to listen to today, who you decide to be, and the desire and ability in your soul to do the best you can is all anyone is asking of you. Prayers with you.