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teaandcoffee

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    Female

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    Survivor

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  1. To my friends, who are coming to terms with traumatic events: life is cruel. It takes us and it beats us and it breaks us. We carry this pain with us because we are too afraid to process reality. We cannot process reality. How do we deal with what has happened to us? Such different events have broken us in ways we cannot even begin to understand ourselves. And how can we even begin to express what we cannot put into words? But I understand. And you understand. We cannot fathom what the other has been through. But the process of recovery, this my friend, I can relate too. I am furt
  2. Thank you ☺️ I hope one day we have freedom from these words
  3. ‘Too bad another guy spoilt my fun’ ... ’your so broken no one will ever love you like I love you’ ... ’never speak of this again with anybody else - no one should know this about you’ ... ’you are being over dramatic, get over it’ ... ’you are not fun anymore’ ... words that follow me and shape my life. Words that people have said in response to me telling them what happened. Words hurt
  4. Hello once again, Two years later and here I am again! I hope life has treated you well these past few years. This is going to be quite a long ramble about where I am in terms of coping with what happened. It was quite a bizzare feeling to read the words I had written two years ago. And do you know what’s really strange? The same trigger that caused me to start writing two years ago caused me to come back here - intimate, long term, relationships. (For some reason this seems to be a huge issue for me - probably because I crave it and yet fear it all at the same time) An
  5. Thank you for the tip about RAINN I didn't know that, I might check it out You are so brave for emailing the center- if you can do that I am sure you can do anything! I admire you courage, and I hope that everything goes well for you when you can get to your intake!
  6. Content warning: Sex --- I was talking with a guy, and he told me about how he and his ex were able to have simultaneous orgasms. He smiled as he told me how he could feel her body shake, and her legs tense up as she reached climax. Another friend, telling me how his ex had been amazing at pleasuring him, and she had loved sex. "The best sex I ever had" he sighed. My guy friends often talk to me about their sexual experiences. And each time I get told about how good a girl is in bed, I break a little inside. I can never be that. No matter how m
  7. Content warning, sex, fetishes. --- A simple question, asked by a friend "do you have any fetishes?". This friend does not know my background, and, in her eyes, as promiscuous person, I am a good person to turn to for advice. I like to help her. I vehemently warn her to be careful, yet to have fun, I so desperately want her to have the freedom and the security of being able to explore herself with men that she loves and trusts. So even though talking about sex can be painful, I encourage it. But this question surprised me. "Of course I do" came the automatic
  8. Thankyou. It is so helpful to have a place that is open enough to be able to really say what I mean. .It was daunting at first, and I kept rewriting, but after a few tries, you gain in confidence and the words start coming. If you ever feel the need to express yourself, I encourage you to try it and if i can help you, I am here
  9. Thankyou I am scared to go there But I need to get over that fear. Thankyou for reminding me that this is available to me
  10. I have so many good friends, a caring tutor and loving family. But I am unable to even mention my secrets to them. The words don't come. I skate around the issue. Even when I'm breaking down and I'm unable to get out of bed because I am so scared of the world, so frightened, so vulnerable... I cannot say it. I cannot admit the extent of what happened. Many of my friends know what happened, many of them offered me help. But I am ashamed to admit how much it hurts. "Oh but that was months ago!" for them, a distant memory. For me, an ever present reality. I want help, I need help. But
  11. Thankyou for your reply Its good to know that we are not alone! I hope that you find your safe place :))
  12. Content warning: Sex ---- Ever since the event (the second event), I feel so broken. My confidence, my security, and my innate sense of self was shattered. And now I am just existing. I am so different. I am promiscuous. It doesn't make sense. I don't really enjoy it. Yet I still actively do it. With new people, different people, people I don't really want. Why? And then, it hit me. I am not after the sex. I am not even after the people. I am trying to find something. Something unobtainable. I want the thing that broke me to fix me. I want to feel safe again
  13. im breaking. im lying in bed crying and i cant get up. only the fear of failing keeps me from closing my eyes and forgetting the world. Im so emotionally drained and exhausted. i dont want to have to fight all the time to do what i need to do, what i want to do. I'm so scared.
  14. **TRIGGER WARNING** alcohol, abuse ---- I am a drunken fool. I was leaving a party and was offered a lift to the station. A friend was going in the same direction, and said he would walk me the rest of the way to the station. He didnt take me to the station. he took me to his house. "Its not safe, the last train has left, you cannot get home. This area is not safe" "you stay here, I will look after you" I didn't know where i was, where the station was. Was it really dangerous outside? I went into the house. I was uncomfortable. I tried to leave. he restr
  15. I definitely should! I know he will be supportive, I don't know why I feel like I shouldn't tell him. Thank you for your advice I will try to talk to him properly and admit everything!
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