thether82

Tonight I am restless, finding it difficult to breathe, want to hide under the covers...my anxiety is in full throttle. I hate this. This is an anniversary time for me for abuse that happened around my 8th birthday. One of two incidents that happened at the hands of the boyfriend of a babysitter. ***TW...*** For some reason the two incidents with this guy are ones I remember clearly. I remember what happened...I remember his hand around my neck, I remember the pillow over my face, I remember the feeling of him on top of me, I remember the names he called me, I remember the threats he

My heart is so heavy with everything in the news this past week... First, the story to the Stanford rape and "sentence" of Brock Turner. Articles, memes, and comments flooded my Facebook for days following. It not only angered me that this man could receive such a light sentence for such a crime as to not impact his future...the downplay of his actions by his father...the victim blaming. Also, it caused an incident that happened to me in college to play on a loop in my head for several days. In the grand scheme of things that happened to me in my life, I would rate it towards the minor en

Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with me.

So I've tried journaling, I've had a blog many, many moons ago. ...but it has been a long time since I have regularly written to try to deal with life. As a teenager, writing is what helped me survive. I never really wrote about the deep stuff, the really hard stuff, but enough that it got enough out to keep going. Most of the time my writing was desperate attempts to be a "good girl" - writing prayer lists of who I needed to pray for, begging for forgiveness for the things I had done wrong, writing prayers of thanks. So I'm giving this a try...we'll see if I keep it up or if it falls by

Thank you all

So, I used to be semi-active here but eventually deleted all my posts and stopped coming by. I was struggling to deal with a lot in my life and shut down in so many ways. I think it has been about three years since I have posted...I have occasionally stopped by when I felt the need to not be alone with my demons. Lately I have found myself drawn back to After Silence...I have been having intense dreams, vague snippets of new memories I am struggling to make sense of...and feeling very alone in it all. I hope to rejoin this wonderful community not only to gain support but to give it. Thet

Thank you everyone. I appreciate the welcome back where I know I am safe and understood.

So...here I am again. I keep leaving and coming back...avoiding and coming back...etc. I've been having a really hard time with nightmares and other things lately and just need support or at least to be connected somehow with people who understand, who have been there. So hi again.

Welcome Beth! I'm glad you found AS. I understand being nervous. Just know this is a safe place with a lot of wonderful people. I look forward to seeing you around.

Hi Jennifer! Welcome to AS. I hope you find all the support you need here. I am also a former band geek/clarinet player. Look forward to seeing you around the board

Welcome misa! Glad that you found this place. I hope you find all the support that you need here. Know that you are not alone.

Welcome to AS. I'm glad you found this place. I hope you find all the support you need here.

Welcome! Glad you found AS.

Welcome Angelic.

Welcome.