Donnna

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About Donnna

  • Rank
    Aleasha

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    Helping others. being helped lots of suport all around

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. thank you. I am ๐Ÿ˜Š.
  2. more alone than ever

    sense I started blogging thats all I do. I someway can not seem to open up anymore. I'm afraid to talk on forums. Its lil I found a biding place and I'm stuck. I do not know who to talk to. I call a crisis line everyday. I shake and jump uncontrollably. I hate this feeling. I'm so afraid. Doe one somewhere will hurt me they will find me seek me out or just bam. I am a hermit at the moment but our van djed today so its on my feet out there now so come Monday I start walking. It will be ok. I will be strong. I know things will trigger up things smells sounds even temperatures. I am trying to not hide. You know go in my head. Repress etc. I really lost two friends recently they moved. Now I am with out only all the kind people here and crisis line. I know I need to make some arrangements for help but I do not see that happening. I am loosing my voice. Mentally ๐Ÿ˜ž. Sorry I am in a week place and have been declining for a time. There is a dim light of hope but fading by the day. I am falling into a deep pulling into myself with no keys to fight back no return ๐Ÿ˜– I am not what I see myself as and not what I think I am either. I am so stuck in mud. I drove to the cemetery all week. I want to put gold dust sprinkles on a carnation and have liquid glass surround it put into a plaque possibly. Thing is I want to donate my body to science and diner. You know they can even use your bones every part. ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒป๐ŸŒพ๐Ÿ๐ŸŒฝ๐Ÿ€๐ŸŒฟ๐ŸŒฑ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿ„
  3. robin

    I have noticed a connection with my moods/parts of me. And blanking out /distracting myself. /moods taking over in that moment and I can not listen. I feel awkward like I'm suddenly on display the talking to me is way to much attention /possibly overload on info or emotions read elenor rest is vital and research in my self find supporters. For donna ๐ŸŒน Love yourself how you wanna be loved. Oh yea. Own it when its you. No hiding come on out. Responsible. School is coming up fast.
  4. I do not know how to speak about my personal self. Its actually easier to just let go and step back and let my feelings/emotions take over. I feel stupid. Out of place. Like i will never belong to a person or place I am a shell of this person people like and to a family who loves and needs me. I am disappointed to say I am selfish carless suicidal passionate for life to gel others. I am a list. I hate myself I can not stand being me sometimes. If I would step back and look at myself. I see a lost hurt soul. A selfish person who thi ks to often of herself. A person who does not see the truth but paints these stupid dreams that I try to make reality. what I see is this girl who denies any hurt or pain has ever been inflickted upon her. If it happened I was because you wanted it to. you can not take the blame . Hell I can't. This is not a fight. What is it? Remember- we are trying to work things out. We are running out of time. The garage must be dealt with. Yea! Why can we not just do it. Just dive in. Start it up what's the hold up? Fear- has a hold neglect- doubt- pain crying emotional influences. What- has been a part for some time now. Sorry- self inflicted pain I broke up when I did not want to heart ring๐Ÿ˜ข this is so stupid why do we half to walk down that road we are missing so much just now. Guys I am only I only have my husband in this sensitive time. I do not think he can be that guy thT I can lean on too much pain and damadge . All on me what the fy,k were you thinking when you went out of tour way to wreck things? I wanted to live life. Not watch it fo by. From a dark room. you are all me so please cone together so I can be sane I want all the pieces to fit. All my peaces to fit. Can we not be whole am I forever broken . Is that not to make me stronger. Sorry about erasing what you said. Its a canon I do not wish to fire. I am sad empty but full of a heavy nothingness'. I desire to go into a music store. Listen to music purchase what I want. My husband will never be ok with it because the internet has all we need bla bla bla. No it does not its different to go out as a family giggles songs along the way deciding what movie to watch as a group. Talking along the way its about fellow ship along the way .really the movie is a bonus. I want to find a friend but I suck at talking to people I have to much child like tendencies I have fun a lot but I am awkward. Who the hell am I? I am the dirty secret. I am hurt. I am trapped. I am ashamed. I need to feel pain. Ineed to be punished. I need love. I need a person who can see the real me. I need to run away. I need to feel something. I need to be hurt. I deserve to be used. I am a BA person. I am miss understood. I can not let go off the fear I will be hurt again I loose weight. I. TERRIFIED. to the point I eat at the thought I lost 15 pounds I felt good. No pain. I got scars I almost have gained I back I still have 10 pounds to go. Its taking me a long to.e to gain it back I lost it quickly before. I do not want to live this way. But I do not want to be groped or looked at either๐Ÿ˜ก.
  5. I think somehow we have to give our inner child a talking to to let them know they are safe. And I do not see anything wrong with enjoying life. I build sand castles with my kids and sled and occasional smudgy ice cream smeary fights. I keep bubbles in the car ad blow them every chance I get stop lights tragic games. Its for e but others enjoy it to. Maybe you can do things you have not done or kinda relive holidays for you doing what you want its not easy but doable I lean on all of the people here when i need it and days come that I can not even type hi. Sorry I got to go hang in there sitting with you.
  6. welcome much
  7. well do not know what happened there but that was more than painful. So what's up guys. I do not feel ok my chest hurts and I'm jumping at everything in very snapy. Aww man I hate this feeling and tonight oh how i dread tonight . Grrrrr
  8. so I have another second. I am unsure what you guys can handle. I do not want to hurt anyone, triggers and such. Baby steps for all so where we start. Seriously! . GARAGE SILLY right, I go blank and, I hurt the pressur and fear in sorting. Do you know why? .......... .......... ..... Ok mabie thats not a far question. Where do we start. Maybie we can just get a bout three boxes lable donate keep and trash, yard sale? Do not know its a big deal to get rid off this stuff. Please help me I'm afraid that any clues to figuring some things out at going out the window, I have learned that I need help I have a mentle illness and need all the support I can get . you me myself and I translation hidden- Distract- prime- childhood obsession Lily stoppit are you are you describing or telling. Hidden.please please get on your knees. Guys. Lies lies put up your ties. Sheebee dweebee get off the tv. What is this? ยงhh listen whispering. Shadows cold creepy chills shaking teeth chattering stop. My goodness stop. Okay okay breath deep breaths. Calm down. Rocking. Sweet sweet nighting gale awwwaww mmmmm close yur eyes count to ten breath real deep and blow out again singing to you its ok. Baby steps recovering badly. Could have warned me. You would have blocked . We are here to gelp so lets play calm down your heart is pounding its got to calm down. I'm not ready for this can you not just help me figer out what's in the garage I need to find. Its not that simple. Your soul is sweet innocent, we are here to take the hits. But now we are teaching you how to handle them. No we are trying to help her .
  9. I felt like giving up I could not seem to fight and win I battled hard I hurt myself I beat me I punished me in more ways than I can say. I know its tough. Its more than that so much deeper and we can work together to pull through I got a addiction of my own. Its great it numbs me to my core. But its not ok I choose to fight you got to focus on you all of you. Figure out what you want to accomplish write it down. Post it copy it put it in your pocket. Put one in a book if you at reading one on commuter desk anywhere you go to more than twice a day above sink post its. Just write what your values are not just how you see yourself but facts that others even know. Even if you feel you do not deserve it or feel you agree. You need to reprogram the negativity preached to you. Speak positively to you. Give yourself credits. You are a beautifully created being. Shine! I feel like I dreamed up the assaults that happened its all in my head I feel like I'm living to even think they hurt me . But those at lies we can not listen to. Fight my friend fight we are here to support you so with you lift you when you can not bare a moment more. We are all here together we are all in pain and need. Its ok it is okay to say anything here. You can not compare your pain with others we at all hurt. I almost gave up hold on just a little longer push you are a strong very capable person. Sure hope you come back. Hope this helps sitting with you
  10. so do you guys wanna type longer post so i can get familiar with who is who? No it really does not matter(a person talking in-me lol) sorry I distract a lot, its ok no worries, yeah they are great, iperfere no names mentioned here for safety perposes for the girls yea or boys lol, you guys are arighit, sorry I change the spelling a lot, its ok I do get a lot of bs from my husband but your totaly worth it. No worries k you each are special to me. You are closer to life, reality, your my personal Heroes thanks for saving me.
  11. looks like do not know how to use this properly sorry guys at least blogging is a free spirit activity its ok to oopsie giggles from far away come closer you are a import an part of me . No matter how Mann times you ooopsie ilove you we are equal yea so come here join me we are who we are lets live a lot ok lifes to fricken short. So .. BRING IT ON! Hoots and hollars all around bliss! What more could a gall ask for. right๐Ÿ™Œ
  12. how ? Does not matter. Just do it please thanks guys I'm sorry I tune you out I have a lot I'm shuffling and my family and this what ever this is did or just a fluke thing or hey maybe I'm just cray cray. If this is something I am influencing then I would create someone to love me unconditionally and possible triggering warning โš  warning to caress me gently wipe away my tears.. Calmly with love and endurance for always I can trust In and truly speak without the knowledge that this would end and only leave me in yet one more peace of me to try to put back together.
  13. aww thanks, thanky yo, your sweet activistAlly
  14. my 9 year old is easier to talk to than my other two or my husband. But I am very careful what I say. She is very insightful. I am new to this kinda. Mean i have always noticed but never talked to them till three weeks ago or less. I do not even know some of there names there seems to be two I for sure notice over all but one that I am unaware of. I mean I will be blank trying to figure out what I just did. This is confusing.

    1. josiel

      josiel

      I will send you a pm if that's ok. Josieย :hug:

    2. josiel

      josiel

      Oops...I tried sending you a pm but was unsuccessful...not working. ย Will try again tomorrow. ย Need to get someย :sleepy:

    3. Donnna

      Donnna

      I found a care positions

      ย 

      ย 

  15. possible did chatter

    hits, hey, what's up whTs up ๐Ÿ‘† any way how is everyone? I am feeling a bit shy is that hidden.? I just want to get to know y'all. we are a team see thats where it gets confusing . A team all aware of when most of identities shift. But sometimes there are holes. Aww this is scary stuff. Its new it will be ok. we have each other I wish hubby would join you but he is not a soul that gets this. Well what do you want to do tomorrow? I was thinking about the dressures and mirrors things need a nice shine and freshness yeah๐Ÿ˜ lol you are to funny. So I wanna go for a walk. Oh the therapypapers need to be worked in to a routine. hubby said you need to and will loose weight. Thats my decision and mine alone. yes I want to. NO I DO NOT AND YOU KNOW WHY! woooow slow down ok we will compramise a middle place for now the goal is to get I shape not to loose weight. Deal come on guys health issues are surfacing. Its now or never. There is kids involved a special needs few so they need her . Well first signs of men looking in a positive way we are regrouping for discussion. Got it. Deal. See we worked together fo team go. Ok that was corny. So what are we going to do about the garage? It must be done we moved to a nice place friendly town I wanna make a nice home hear the garage must be sorted in a months time and we area week in and zero results. I must move. I only want to keep important things. I know. We can find away to make it work. Think please tommorow I start moving my feet. So be ready I will need you guys to help I go blank when i step in the garage so push ok help me fun too pop out when you are needs and I need to be present to cook and socialize with my family otherwise guys go ahead and take full rein change my life for the better. We must settle things with our selves at this time you will be here always we are one the same night guys. Thank you for being here.๐Ÿ’– ๐Ÿ’œ ๐Ÿ’œ ๐Ÿ’– ๐Ÿ’– ๐Ÿ’– ๐Ÿ’– ๐Ÿ’– ๐Ÿ’–