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In the mood to reconnect with some people, so I look at a friend's friends list on facebook coz unlike me he kept in touch with people from school. Everyone's slim, good looking, healthy, got pictures with their kids or from their wedding, one of them's a freaking airplane pilot now.. I just wanted to say hi, now I'm feeling kinda worthless and inadequate, and how much I've messed up my life is painfully obvious
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The main thing that messes me up about this is that they have more than me and i want what they have. It messes with our identity i guess. There is a stress docu.entary that talks about this. I think he studied baboons. That there were these mean baboons that bullied the less macho baboons. And then some sort of poison killed the macho baboons. And the scientist was really sad cuz then he couldnt study the ones that died. But he continued to watch them. And he found that the bullied baboons were so much more happy and everyone got along. Bit the main thing bullies do is say look what i have and you dont. What my abuser has really messes with me. We have the same favorite color. She is a millionaire. She has fancy clothes. A prefect family. Fancy car. I still cant figure out how to stop wanting what she has. Is that how i heal? I still dont get it. I do know though that there is a type of tw rapist that wears flashy clothea and has a flashy car. Its kinda creepy. What is it that makes a mansion kinda creepy?