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Goldeneye

M. Member
  • Content Count

    163
  • Joined

  • Last visited

4 Followers

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Canada
  • Interests
    Finance advice, hand fabrication, playing music, gaming, life

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

Recent Profile Visitors

4,549 profile views
  1. We were kids, you presented it as a game and I joined. We played it for years. You wanted to stopped, so we did. You wanted to start again years after stopping we did start again. We you, I discovered my body, I discovered what I'd like or hate to feel. I'd learn my limits. I thought it was a game and then I was use to it. You manipulated me in order to get what you wanted. Maybe you loved me more than a friend, but if so why didn't you respected me when I said no multiples time. Why did I gave you my body and why did I gave you pleasure ? Maybe cause I thought it would end faster...
  2. Hello, I don't know where to start. Well, I think you are very solid, strong. First, I know how it is to be with someone like the Oompa. How many times I would twist my tongue to stay polite. So, you are good and I totally understand you want to stay in this home even with all the problems you have with it. It's sometimes hard, but keeping a good family relationships is, when possible, not a bad thing. We never know when we could need some help. For your school part, i won't talk for others, but it is an important part of your life. Where I come from, education is important and doing
  3. Goldeneye

    I fear...

    @samantha2009 Thank you for your support and explanations. They are very appreciated. I know it's normal to collapse someway or a little to medium, but I fear the day, if it happens one day, that I could collapse and stop moving. I fear to paralyse, to be unable to get out of bed and to go to work. More I think about it, I think I fear to lose control over myself. Thank you again and I'll think about what you said. Goldie
  4. Alcohol and sadness is not a good idea. I feel I'm losing control to my emotions.... :cry:

  5. Goldeneye

    I fear...

    To collapse completely. I'm seen as a tank my my friends. They don't even know what happened during too many years... I always keep going forward, I aim and reach my objectives. During college I collapsed for the first time. I stopped college, but I kept going to school after. When I dropped, I reoriented myself. Anyways, I didn't like it. I never took a break to think, it was a continuous reflections. I ended working, went back to school and now working and studying to reach the last level of my job. Since I started writing it, I did an exam and I had 90%, so I finally reached it. But I
  6. I'm so excited to do my exam in an hour and a half. I feel sooo ready.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Goldeneye

      Goldeneye

      @samantha2009 and @fallenstar and others: I'm so proud of myself ! I received my grade and I had 90%. So, I'm no more an apprentice. :)

       

    3. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      WOW 90% that is amazing!! Congrats to you!! Really glad you are proud of yourself for all the hard work you put in paying off 😊👏👏

    4. samantha2009

      samantha2009

      @Goldeneye 🖤🌻 congrats friend! I am so happy for you 

  7. I'm here, somewhere, crawling in the dark of my mind.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Goldeneye

      Goldeneye

      Like yesterday evening, depressed. I had a few hours of happiness, thought.

    3. BrightSide

      BrightSide

      Im sorry Goldeneye your feeling so low. Sitting with you if you like?, your not alone. B

    4. Goldeneye
  8. Hello Samantha, You may think you are just a shell and a burden... a ghost ! But it ain't the case. You are full of qualities, you have good memories hidden somewhere, trying to go over the bad ones. We see you as you are, even if you don't think you are seen. When we have long bad moments, we think it's all. But when sun's finally light our days, we may realise life doesn't just stop there. Never forget you are smart, beautiful, a good mother and wife. A super great friend, you are such a helpful one. You always have the good words. And you've et are a burden even if you think you
  9. I don't know why, but I'm worried of a good friend. She's not having good time and she underestimate herself. I hope she'll read this post and understand it's her. We started to chat on a question I asked her and we kept answering each other. We talk of everything and nothing. We talk of our days and sometimes of our problems. I think she's becoming to be on of my best friends in only a few weeks. It's weird.. sometimes I'm afraid it's a dream.. in all the friends I had, most of them are now only contacts. She's a great friend, a great mother and a great wife. She's comprehensive,
  10. The first time I had some regardless of rape, it was with my gf. I wanted to wait to the marriage, but looks like it happened before. Our first time, I was cold as a rock and completely absent. I was in memories of r***. It took me some times to appreciate it a little. I'd say I ended addicted. I remember before losing my sex drive, it was almost annoying myself. If I would approach my gf and if she didn't wanted, I would m***** so it could clear the... need. I never wanted my gf to feel the need. So I hide to do it. When I met her, she thought it was the gf job to satisfy her bo
  11. Goldeneye

    April 2020

    Note to myself, new entry at top. 2020-04-28 I’ve sleep from around 1h30 am till 9am. A good night of sleep would be 10h and I know I didn’t sleep well cause I moved a lot and my blanket are all around. I remember a little of my dream. Today, I walked after diner with my mom and did nothing after oh a public chat and the nice chat with that good friend. The public chat went well, the first time since I’m using the new chat. I may not end chat mod, but I really want to help people in here. Today I feel like I don’t want to do anything. I almost went earlier to bed. But now it
  12. Hello Mason, I'm Goldeneye/Goldie and it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm sorry you had to go true this. Take your time, there's no stress, no hurry here. When you'll be ready, we will be here to listen and to support you. You are not alone, I too feared what my family would have said and fear what friends would say. Just remember it wasn't your fault and you are not alone. Take good care, Goldie
  13. He looks like a perfect husband. May you two be together for life.
  14. Thank you AS, with out you and your community I don't know if I would still be here or if I'd be able to continue. I owe you much. 

     

    1. samantha2009

      samantha2009

      Thank you for being here 🖤

    2. snmls

      snmls

      You are always welcome here and we are glad to have you as part of this community. 

    3. Goldeneye
  15. Goldeneye

    Why...

    Sometimes, I wonder why did I go back there, I know I said I was use to it since it lasted around 10 years, but I knew I didn’t like it… I should of knew it would happen. Why would it been different than the day before? Why there’s a part of me that keep appreciating him ? He just used me. Did he knew what he was doing ? I love myself on a regular basis, but on that point, I hate myself and I’m far from forgiving myself. I was never drunk (except once but it was long after him, but I drank in his /$%?&* memories… Idiot I could be, I was sick as fuck that day, I don’t know if it was that or
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