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  1. When I broke down the pieces of my story I noticed the power imbalance breakdown. I notice that the context gave the predator power. I noticed that autonomy really keeps you in power an safe. If you had a phone, your car, etc, you would have been safe. And your friend abandoned you. I notice that abandonment happens at the beginning of every story/case I notice when someone goes in someone’s house the power imbalance is huge. And even in a room it’s even more of a power imbalance. I even notice today if I’m in those contacts a version of the same thing happens... even if it’s not assault it is similar. Like people tend to sexualiZe the conversation or say aggressive things cuz you’re on their turf etc Tw my best female friend also betrayed me, the night of my rape..you think when you go into a house with boys or a frat, it’s best to have a buddy, a girlfriend that sticks with you, or to watch you. Turns out my best girlfriend is a psycho. She planned to rape me with her boyfriend and gave me a Mickey. Who would have thought you do everything you can to stay safe and your safety net becomes the thing to run from. Reminds me of abusive parents and disorganized attatchment style now a days I am aware that I have a lot of power if I’m Outside their house. And it side their car. And it’s also best if people don’t come in my house to case it, or my car either unless they live there with me. Mace on keychain and charged phone and stick close to your car with gas is best for power i also noticed that people who demand to know about your sexual experiences are acting entitled and that’s really dangerous. My female abuser would always demand to know about my sexual experiences with my boyfriend. Like she owned my body.
  2. Wow that doc is not cool. Docs should give you enough meds until the appt. there is no reason for him to do that. Also, I am not a doc but it sounds like you are possibly on too many meds...because having some not be available possibly could be really uncomfortable... again im not a doc. I just wonder if you might want to be suspicious of a doc that gives you so many. Sometimes pharmacies will let you have two pills until you see your doc if your doc hasn’t or won’t refill them saying you are demanding when not on meds is insane... I would not return to a doc that won’t refill meds until the appointment or that makes that comment he doesn’t have your health in mind...
  3. I know exactly what you are going through. holy crap. I still haven’t received any help. I have told therapists and they don’t do anything to help. I would email my husband a lot as we were dating and some of the emails were obviously playful and sexual. In some emails I talk about my rape. My in-laws who think they own my husband hacked into his email and spent probably a week going through every email ever. they read I was raped and spread it around my family!!! Such private stuff. Worse part is I called the cops and my husband thought I was going’s against is family and that I was going to far. My husband is angry with them but I think he ultimately defends them not me. Worst thing ever in my life.
  4. GaleH


    Hi welcome, everyone who has survived violence is always always always welcome! i was abused by a woman too. I am a woman but I feel like because she is a woman people act like it wasn't as bad or that it wasn't really rape. But it was the worst experience. I have info on how women abuser are different than males. Like. Mine is a stalker too. And they way men stalk and women stalk is different. Like women will stalk you in line and write you emails. Whereas a man might show up at you house and leave flowers. Anyway. My female abuser is more sadistic than any male abuser I met. Not to sound sexist. But she is more phycologically damaging ya know? Anyway, anytime there is a power imbalance and sexuality is involved it is abuse and rape. So. What happened is real and I believe everything you went through. Let me know if you ever want to talk there isn't a lot of info on how to heal from female abusers
  5. GaleH

    Heartbroken and sad

    Call a suicide hotline? i cant gather what you mean. Is someone threatening you? I hope you feel better soon if you are dying at work can you take some days off to recover and heal? Sitting with you
  6. A lot of times affairs are with abusive guys. Like i bet the affair guy coheresed you
  7. Well I would look into finding out if you are a empath. Which is what I am. Just very aware of other people's feelings. And can read people very well. Empaths will stay with a narcissist instead of leave. check it out: https://pairedlife.com/misc/the-narcissist-and-the-empath i would also go to the love is respect website. It shows you what is abuse, verses what is just unhealthy. If you are aware of those fine lines, you will be able to better put up boundaries. Because my abuser would regularly cross them, as well as my parents, I have a hard time telling when my boundary has been crossed. I check in with how you feel. Your feelings are a direct indicator that something need to change. even though your current husband isn't obviously abusive, it sounds like he's crossing some boundaries. You are the only one who knows what's best for your body and style and self. If he polices your appearance or tells you what to do you be HIGHLY suspect. You could also Chat with loveisrespect they are very good at telling you if your situation isn't healthy and offer support
  8. Yeah my abuser had narcissistic personality disorder. I've read that most abusers have an empathy impairment. So most have a personality disorder. I've read that narcs hijack every moment of every day. That's how my abuser was. She controlled everything about me. Triggering: what I wore, ate, stood, everything. So since I didn't have any room to find out what I like
  9. HI welcome you are safe here i stuggle with identity too. I have been trying to discover what i like and my style but it's a struggle. I have read that self care can help with discovering identity. Also, I've been taking personaity tests and looking at scent and fragrance charts to help discover myself. https://www.16personalities.com/ http://www.thehotline.org/2016/03/31/5-self-care-tips-for-abuse-and-trauma-survivors/ http://visual-therapy.com/blog/style-type-quiz/
  10. You are so delightful! I remember chatting with you for a bit and you are such a great person. Life can be really rough. I love my cat too he is my therapy cat. My parents keep pressuring me to go to lunch with my grandma, and I can't be away from my therapy animal and they get angry that I won't go. Not sure what to do. If I remember correctly you struggle from chronic pain? This video helps me when ever my pain is kicking in. But I understand it might not work for everyone, maybe check it out,
  11. Trigger warning: Yeah what is up with the back pats? Tw: my uncle went to my court case. He acted like it was like attending a theater play. He said it was fascinating learning how the court works. But unfortunate circumstances in condescending way. Unfortunate?? That's an understatement. Rape is worse than murder. Sheesh. I don't know why he is acting like that
  12. Yeah another woman explained it's like this. A man was married to a female abuser. He couldn't devorce her because she would use the family name to ruin the company or something. So the guy became as boring as possible. She would ask him to go to lunch and he would be like meh no thanks. And pretty soon she left him because he was too boreing. Narcs need narssiistic supply. They are emotional vampires. You can't show them any emotion on your face. Stay with boring topics that aren't personal like. The weather, mundane things maybe movies. They say to even go as far as getting a boring car. Anyway. Yeah I'm ok just trucking along I guess
  13. Police don't solve problems they just keep the peace. My abuser is female too. Do they swear? Can you record everything they do and get a stalking order? That may not be useful either. Do you know about the gray rock method? It keeps phychos like them away. https://lovefraud.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/
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