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  1. Violated all over again

    I know exactly what you are going through. holy crap. I still haven’t received any help. I have told therapists and they don’t do anything to help. I would email my husband a lot as we were dating and some of the emails were obviously playful and sexual. In some emails I talk about my rape. My in-laws who think they own my husband hacked into his email and spent probably a week going through every email ever. they read I was raped and spread it around my family!!! Such private stuff. Worse part is I called the cops and my husband thought I was going’s against is family and that I was going to far. My husband is angry with them but I think he ultimately defends them not me. Worst thing ever in my life.
  2. Never Good Enough

    Yeah it's a good idea. Just go no contact. Block off phone and email and Facebook. Some people do it slowly so it's not so obvious or abrupt. But yeah it feels better. Don't give in to guilt you are the most important person in your life
  3. Never Good Enough

    I've noticed that the whole way a family system functions is by power imbalance. I'm in charge you aren't. People don't get a lot of power in life so if you come to someone with a problem where there is a power imbalance between you they will just demonstrate their rank. If you find people where there isn't a big power imbalance, they will treat you better. That's why many survivors don't speak to family.
  4. .

    Hi welcome, everyone who has survived violence is always always always welcome! i was abused by a woman too. I am a woman but I feel like because she is a woman people act like it wasn't as bad or that it wasn't really rape. But it was the worst experience. I have info on how women abuser are different than males. Like. Mine is a stalker too. And they way men stalk and women stalk is different. Like women will stalk you in line and write you emails. Whereas a man might show up at you house and leave flowers. Anyway. My female abuser is more sadistic than any male abuser I met. Not to sound sexist. But she is more phycologically damaging ya know? Anyway, anytime there is a power imbalance and sexuality is involved it is abuse and rape. So. What happened is real and I believe everything you went through. Let me know if you ever want to talk there isn't a lot of info on how to heal from female abusers
  5. Heartbroken and sad

    Call a suicide hotline? i cant gather what you mean. Is someone threatening you? I hope you feel better soon if you are dying at work can you take some days off to recover and heal? Sitting with you
  6. A lot of times affairs are with abusive guys. Like i bet the affair guy coheresed you
  7. Well I would look into finding out if you are a empath. Which is what I am. Just very aware of other people's feelings. And can read people very well. Empaths will stay with a narcissist instead of leave. check it out: https://pairedlife.com/misc/the-narcissist-and-the-empath i would also go to the love is respect website. It shows you what is abuse, verses what is just unhealthy. If you are aware of those fine lines, you will be able to better put up boundaries. Because my abuser would regularly cross them, as well as my parents, I have a hard time telling when my boundary has been crossed. I check in with how you feel. Your feelings are a direct indicator that something need to change. even though your current husband isn't obviously abusive, it sounds like he's crossing some boundaries. You are the only one who knows what's best for your body and style and self. If he polices your appearance or tells you what to do you be HIGHLY suspect. You could also Chat with loveisrespect they are very good at telling you if your situation isn't healthy and offer support
  8. Yeah my abuser had narcissistic personality disorder. I've read that most abusers have an empathy impairment. So most have a personality disorder. I've read that narcs hijack every moment of every day. That's how my abuser was. She controlled everything about me. Triggering: what I wore, ate, stood, everything. So since I didn't have any room to find out what I like
  9. HI welcome you are safe here i stuggle with identity too. I have been trying to discover what i like and my style but it's a struggle. I have read that self care can help with discovering identity. Also, I've been taking personaity tests and looking at scent and fragrance charts to help discover myself. https://www.16personalities.com/ http://www.thehotline.org/2016/03/31/5-self-care-tips-for-abuse-and-trauma-survivors/ http://visual-therapy.com/blog/style-type-quiz/
  10. You are so delightful! I remember chatting with you for a bit and you are such a great person. Life can be really rough. I love my cat too he is my therapy cat. My parents keep pressuring me to go to lunch with my grandma, and I can't be away from my therapy animal and they get angry that I won't go. Not sure what to do. If I remember correctly you struggle from chronic pain? This video helps me when ever my pain is kicking in. But I understand it might not work for everyone, maybe check it out,
  11. I remember you and your tree kitties cute
  12. Dipping my toe...

    Trigger warning: Yeah what is up with the back pats? Tw: my uncle went to my court case. He acted like it was like attending a theater play. He said it was fascinating learning how the court works. But unfortunate circumstances in condescending way. Unfortunate?? That's an understatement. Rape is worse than murder. Sheesh. I don't know why he is acting like that
  13. Female perpetrator...

    Yeah another woman explained it's like this. A man was married to a female abuser. He couldn't devorce her because she would use the family name to ruin the company or something. So the guy became as boring as possible. She would ask him to go to lunch and he would be like meh no thanks. And pretty soon she left him because he was too boreing. Narcs need narssiistic supply. They are emotional vampires. You can't show them any emotion on your face. Stay with boring topics that aren't personal like. The weather, mundane things maybe movies. They say to even go as far as getting a boring car. Anyway. Yeah I'm ok just trucking along I guess
  14. Female perpetrator...

    Police don't solve problems they just keep the peace. My abuser is female too. Do they swear? Can you record everything they do and get a stalking order? That may not be useful either. Do you know about the gray rock method? It keeps phychos like them away. https://lovefraud.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/
  15. Very angry..

    I'm so sorry:( verbal attacks like swearing is assault. Maybe you could call the police and say they are verbally assaulting me?