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About SociallyAwkward

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    Still alive

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    trying to heal after so many years of denial

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  1. allowing yourself to let it go is important. And part of that process is talking about it. Keeping it secret can get extremely frustrating.
  2. Welcome to AfterSilence. I'm glad you have a support system. That's very important. Friends and family can help keep you grounded.
  3. people keep trying to tell me to not dwell on the past. It's not easy, because everything around me reminds me of the very fact that everything has been going wrong for over 10 years, and then when I think of where I was at roughly 10 years ago it's still no better as that's when my dad started doing drugs and ruining his life. What was life like before that? Living with a woman who hated me for reasons I still don't fully understand while my dad worked all day. So thinking about anything that happened before today is meaningless. It leads to constant negativity. Although I must admit it'
  4. Almost got in a car accident..... Well even if we collided it wouldn't have been so bad. That would have been bad for the car though. Went to the game store to buy a new game then the police station to inquire about the family of weirdos DSS history. No luck. They have no access to those files, but while I was there I double checked to make sure my issue with them has been reported, and I thanked them for a job well done on the murder case of my sisters friend. Moms friend and her talked about the situation with Papas death so I got more info on that and that helps put my mind at eas
  5. Dad's not well. Mom doesn't want to fight for papa. Bro yells at me for dumb stuff. At least hanging out with our gaming buddy over the weekend was cool. Last week was average. As in the usual morning complaints and pretending everything is okay at night. It wasn't so bad though. Sister is doing well. I haven't been recording the smaller things which I should be doing. I don't report on my medical condition either which I should also do. Speaking of which I got sick a couple days ago. And I feel like giving up on this journal but I gotta remember why I started it.... Which is to keep track of
  6. 1:32PM: Friday and Saturday literally went the same exact way. Mom and her husband arguing in the morning over money problems. Then we left to go hang out with our gaming buddy. Easter Sunday.... Could have been better. No arguing or fighting which was nice, but the night before my poor little sister saw one of her friends get murdered. The victim was a good guy. Of course it's never the scumbags that die. Always the innocent bystander. I don't care to talk about it much. All I can say is he was a good kid that never did anything wrong and didn't deserve this. Last night she was out
  7. ( yesterday's entry) 3:26 PM: saw my councilor today. Or is he a therapist?.... I don't even care what the difference is. Cut the session short. Third time in a row I did that. It's getting harder to see him when I can already see what his advice is going to be. Told him mom thinks someone broke into our house, and how I think that's bullshit and its most likely her husband that stole my grandmothers pills. And of course he says to move out and rent a cheap little place for me and my brother..... He's an idiot. I asked him if he's a home owner. He says yes. I asked if he knew what rent was lik
  8. 7:19 PM: ( yesterday's entry ) promised myself I'd do this every day and already failing at it. Doing this while I'm playing a game. Today went well. In fact better than expected. Sleep last night sucked as always. Getting sick of that. Is it normal to not be able to sleep as easily when you get older? A nurse came over to see my grandmother. She works for the organization that pays my family to look after me. Now that my grandfather is dead she financially qualifies to be part of the program. The weird part is we are better off this way rather than receiving my grandfathers check.
  9. ( I wrote this yesterday) Last week when I went to see my councilor mom was pissed off and flipping out about stuff I can't control, and saying things like how she's gonna leave " all you guys " because she's " sick of this shit ". It's all stuff that has to do with her husband. A man i refuse to acknowledge as my stepfather. So basically while I'm about to go see some guy about my mental health issues my moms attacking me unprovoked. The next day was even worse and the day before also sucked. So I wonder..... Just how often is this happening in my life where I'm having a terrible day and
  10. Hello Justlooking. I'm a male survivor just like you. I hope you find the support you are looking for
  11. Hello Anon. Welcome to aftersilence. There are other forums for survivors as well if you care to see them. Pandys, havoca and pyschforums are the ones I go to. there is also RAINN. I don't actually seek any of their services but perhaps it's something you can look into for yourself. I think they can even help you with some legal advice. We also have a forum for legal action if you care to read it. By the way I'm a male survivor just like you, and I can relate to most of what @dieter said. As for my own answer to your questions I'm 29 and it started last year when I saw the guy that m
  12. Muted. It saddens me to hear that you were abused as a child. I was too, though the boy that molested me at least didn't hurt me. My heart goes out to the inner child inside you that is still hurt.
  13. I'm not calling you powerless. Your strong and brave and deserve love and support. What your going through is a very challenging and often confusing thing. You have the power. You have the strength. Do not doubt yourself.
  14. Hi there This is a judgment free zone. Everyone is kind and understanding I am a male survivor like you ( I guess. I wasn't beaten or hurt or even forced.... )
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