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Dear Me

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I thought it could be helpful to use this thread for all of us to write supportive, healing letters to ourselves as who we were immediately after being victimized. It's an exercise I've done before and if you can stay on the track of being supportive and not criticizing yourself, it's immensely helpful.

"Dear Me,

I want you to know that I have come to accept your reactions to what Jason did to you. The rape was NOT your fault. You are NOT to blame for not fighting back. You told him no, and as you will go on to tell crowds of people at Take Back the Night rallies, you were not required to claw his eyes out and scratch his face. You did everything you had to do--you said no. The fact he chose to ignore you was HIS crime, not yours.

In time, you will be okay. It doesn't feel like it now. But you will breathe again, laugh again, live again. You will find out who your true friends are. They will be the ones to visit you in the hospital, to hold your head while you cry, and to march beside you at Take Back the Night, proud to be there. Proud to be acquainted with you. And best of all, you will discover who you are, the inner-strength you never knew you had. It will lead you on to amazing things.

It will be difficult. But you will get there.

Sincerely,

Yourself

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This is a great idea. I have written letters to myself before at retreats I've gone on, but this will be the first one that is healing related.

Dear Lindsay,

I hope you realize how much strength and courage you actually have. You have overcome so many obstacles and succeded in many things in life. I am proud of you for staying at the same college, even though it was very difficult for you after the last rape. Not only did you stay, but you excelled. I know that you still have many times where you feel weak and like healing is some abstract concept that will never happen for you. I look back on where you were when you first started therapy in high school and you have healed so much. Yes, there is still work to be done, but you are in a much better place than you were then. Keep reaching out for help and keep smiling.

Love,

Me

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Interesting idea...

Dearest Melissa,

You are so awesome. You have your moments where you can go a little overboard but you realize that and that's great. Don't worry about those moments though because everyone has them. You are loved so much by so many people. I'm proud of you for doing what you had to do, in the begining, throughout the journey to now, and now. You are so strong and have endured what many others have but also something no one should have to. You still have a long journey ahead of you in life but you are not walking it alone. You have almost five thousand people from this wonderful place called After Silence and you have sooo many people from work and church and Florida walking with you to. They are there for you, lean on them, trust in them, most importantly TALK to them. That's what friends are for. You've come SOOOO far, Melissa, and changed sooo much in the past few years that anyone who knew you before might not recognize you. But you've changed in a positive way. You're beautiful, amazing, and strong. You have a wonderful boyfriend who takes care of you and loves you, no matter what. Remember that! Stay strong, stay true o yourself, stay happy, keep laughing, keep making others laugh, keep smiling, and ALWAYS move forward! I love you.

Love always,

Yourself

wow...that was...amazing. Great idea! Great thread! :)

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Dear Me,

I know you are not proud of yourself right now. You think you made a decision, the big decision, to have sex. You didn't. You are only a child of fourteen. I know that is the last thing you want to hear right know, but if you are going to hear it from anyone it's probably best you hear it from me.

Dan took advantage of you last night. You didn't even know his name untill this morning when you woke up sick, remember. He got you drunk, you told him know, and you did some things anyway that you are not proud of and for fourteen years you will see these things as consensual, but honey, they were not.

You had only drank once before in your life, and they got you drunk with quarter bounce. Fun? Remember resting your heavy head on the table too dizzy to hold it up. Then you said no to this mystery man's advances. Eventually you woke up and you thought you were having sex, but hon that was rape. You were asleep, and if only I could be there for you in April of 1994 to hug you that morning and hold you so tight and tell you I love you, and to turn all of your shame into anger so that you could turn that man, twice your age, older than me still, into the police. You were so alone. You deserved to feel the love in your life that is in your life right now, both from yourself and those around you.

Dear Me. Things will be hard. Things will hurt. Things will get better. I love you.

Marita :hug:

Edited by wmnow80

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(((((Ashley)))) This is a lovely post and I will be coming back to partake in time.

Keep up the good work. :)

Kat

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I just wanted to say I actually pulled this one out in therapy on Monday. My therapist asked me, "What would you tell a fourteen year old girl who described what happened to you and described the feelings of shame and guilt and personal responsibility that you describe right now?"

So I read him this post. He asked why is it so easy for me to support that fourteen year old and let her be angry, but hard for me at twenty-seven to let go of the personal responsibility I feel? I have no clue.

The exercise was really a good one and one I will continue to reflect on. :up:

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I'm so glad to see so many members participating in this and to read such encouraging, supportive and loving letters to ourselves. We are so frequently our own worst critics, these letters are a big breath of fresh air. :)

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Dear Christy,

I am proud of you. Its hard for me to admit it after Ive been punishing you for so many years, but youve came out of all this such a strong person. I know you are on the right track to getting your life back. And everyday is an accomplishment. Your artwork is benefiting from your healing too. Never give up the things youve gained. Never fall back into old patterns. Eliminate unhealthy relationships. You have so much life in you, you have so much you want to give to the world. Stop holding it back okay?

And most of all Christy, thanks for being you.

Take good care.

ps. thanks for this idea, ive tried to write letters to myself but this is the first positive letter ive ever written.

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Did you get this exercise from "The Rape Recovery Handbook"? I just did this, and in dialogue, and whew... jeeez. Emotionally draining.

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Dear Charlene,

It is not your fault that you were raped by Keith. It is not your fault that while being raped you was very, very scared of someone seeing him do that to you. He was the one that didn't listen to you when you said "no" over and over and over. He was the one that was wrong because he held your arms down and would not let go. He was the criminal for raping you, you did nothing to cause it. Screaming would have only gone unheard so you did nothing wrong by not screaming. Your husband wanted Keith to do it to you. Dwayne gave Keith permission for you to be raped, you didn't, because you said "no." Dwayne was wrong for planning with Keith that you be raped. Both of them were wrong for not respecting you. Both of them were wrong for the criminal things they did to you. You were innocent, unexperienced with this type of evil. You were the one that thought marriage meant trust, Dwayne didn't honor your marriage by loving you and respecting you as his wife and as a human being. Dwayne was wrong because when you told him you had been raped by Keith he later permitted Keith to live in your home. Keith was wrong because he continued to molest you in your own home even after knowing you didn't want him there. You did the right thing, you stood your ground and told him "no" everytime he touched you. You should not feel guilty because you did not scream, while being raped, because you were so scared. If you had screamed Dwayne and Keith would not have listened or cared, since they planned it. It is not your fault Dwayne allowed a criminal act to occur to you and did nothing, did not talk to you, did not console you, did not talk to Keith, did not call the police, no, he was the coward for doing nothing, not you. You were brave for having the guts to tell Dwayne even though he did nothing. Dwayne was wrong for not listening to you. Both Keith and Dwayne are criminals. Dwayne is just as guilty of raping you as Keith was because he did nothing, he gave Keith permission to abuse you. You still went on with your life and got your Bachelor's degree, taught High School, raised four sons, and became a professional woman in your current career. You did not allow Dwayne or Keith the power over you and your body, you found love again and went on with your life. Dwayne and Keith hurt you very much, you are still hurt very much, but you are on the way to healing on the inside. You kept your silence all these years so that your son's would not suffer behind the terrrible things their dad did to you. Now you know they understand a part of what went on and how you were so hurt. You made your life a good life without Dwayne. You are a strong woman. You are a survivor. You can survive again and will be able to heal from the bad memories because you are so strong. You can help others too. You have permission to choose to help others. You have permission to heal. You are loved.

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Dear me,

you know you were brave to through out the blades, to ditch the self harm. YOu know you were strong and ARE strong. Jason will not destroy you, he cannot destroy you, you are special, you are loved, despite him. He isn't there and so you are safe once again. Don't let this destroy your life when you have so much more to give to the world.

You will survive, you will heal. You will overcome!

Love

Kirsty

xxxx

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Dear me

i know your hurting, but u can do this, and for once it will be for yourself, nobody else.

you are strong you have come this far and you are still alive.

i know its easier to ignor thingss but its good that you are not. your dealing with it which means your healing. its a long road as you know But you are strong. you had a lot of corage to ask for help when you need it, i know your scared but it will be ok. im not saying the road is over and you are going to be "ok" straight away.. but things will be better.

i know your upset because some times you feel alone in this world, but u are not.

you have meet some truely inspiring people, that are willing to help you, and not only that but now your starting to help your self.

i know u feel like utter cr*p when you remmeber them terrible things you had to go through, he has no right to do that.. but remember you are not to blame. you were only 6 years old.

i know sometimes you are scared and feel like that small child again but u are a strong.. but you already know this.. its just somtimes you cant see it.

me

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Dear Jess

I know some times you can not all ways hear when the people round you tell just how far you have come so i am taking this opportunity to tell you just how far you have come and how much you are loved

after everything that you have had to go through just look at were you are.. you are an amzing mum to two amzing daughters. You have even found the love of your life and your rock after all the hurt and pain you have been through

on your really bad days tell your self that you are not to blame because none of it was your fault remeber that you are loved, i love you and i am soo proud to be you

Love

Jess x

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Dear me

Some day you will be strong enough to do this

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Dear Me,

I know sometimes that you feel as if it is just too much, and that you can't do this anymore but you can, you have goal and dreams, and you want to heal, and to help people, but to help you need to take care of yourself too, and to reach those dreams and goal you need to work hard, and you will get there one way or another, you will get there.

I know sometimes the road seems to long or the night to dark, but whenever you feel like this, please remember your inspiration. You can make it, you can heal, and you can become all the great thing you want to, dont underestimate yourself, your stronger then even you can relise, look back in 20 years time and so wow I did it. Im sure that is exactly what you will do, not matter how hard you think it is, you can make it, and you will get to those dream.

You can do it!!

Love,

-biggestfoot-

Edited by biggestfoot

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Dear Lucie,

Look at yourself. Get it together, this is not the way to act or think. You will only make yourself worse.

You have to rise above. Take care of yourself. You take care of everyone else but you. How you gonna help others if yourself is a mess? Your not alone, you have many people who care vary much for you, you just dont see it. Like you always say, 'I can work it out' so do it. Figure things out, better yourself. I dont need to write a whole letter, you know what to do.

much love,

Lucie

ps

I know you miss Ann terribly, she'll be with you, let her rest in peace, she knows you miss her, and she misses you too. Shes not here anymore so you got to stand on your own two feet.

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MMMMM this is an interesting thread.

Dear Me,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING???????????????????????????????? YOU NEED TO TELL SOMEONE

Love

Me

Edited by whitedove

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Dear me,

Hang in there. If you need to try to do that thing, try. F*ck what your mother says, she's not the one who's been thru your life and she gets no say whatsoever now.

Me.

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Dear Me,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING???????????????????????????????? YOU NEED TO TELL SOMEONE

Love

Me

dear me

Good on you for this.

Love me

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Dear Me,

It was not your fault. You can tell mom she is strong enough to handle it. You need to open up to someone. You are going to break if you don't just let it out. Stop putting on a brave face when you are dying inside!!!

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You did everything you had to do--you said no.

why did this almost make me cry?

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This sounds like something for people to do after they've come far from where they were when this stuff first happened. I was just date raped last week. but I will try

Dear alicia:

Try and keep a regular routine. Don't sleep all day and don't rely on klonopin to keep you numb.

Wake up everyday and remember there is more to you than what he took away. Much more.

--Alicia.

(sorry that's all I could manage.)

I will try again later when I've come further from where I am now. It's all so close.

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This is a great exercise.

Dear me,

I'm so sorry for what has happened to you. Despite what you feel, none of it was your fault. You were a little girl, they were all much older than you. They knew better and you didn't. I know you feel ashamed that you didn't struggle, but what were your other options? You had no adult who knew what was going on or that made you feel safe, and R threatened you. For all you knew, he would hurt you if you tried to put up a fight. Don't forget how much bigger he was than you. "Complying" was keeping yourself safe.

The fact that you did (and do) dissociate does not make you weak. It makes you strong because you used a creative coping skill to keep yourself sane.

You are not weak. You are so much more courageous than you think you are. You've been to hell and back and you're still fighting. Things will get better, I promise. There are challenges ahead but also moments of joy when you aren't thinking about the abuse. There will be laughter and love.

The abuse is not all you are. You're a beautiful, creative person with many interests. Hang in there, hun.

Sincerely,

Yourself

Edited by AWhisperofTruth

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Dear Me,

:)

I want you to know that I love you a lot, and I want you to heal from your painful memories from your abuse-filled childhood. I want you to be authentically happy. I hope you believe me when I tell you that you are NOT to blame for the sibling incest and emotional abuse that you endured. You were, are, and always will be an innocent child of the universe. You hold a special place in my heart, soul, and mind.

:luck:

I wish you happier days ahead, better luck, and easier times in your life. I hope you always keep your attitude of gratitude for staying alive every day. Always keep your faith, hope, strength, and courage alive as you travel along the road to healing, especially when you feel like giving up on life. You are a true survivor of childhood abuse, and I am very proud of you for thriving in your life and being the wonderful person who you are today.

:hug:

I love you now and forever,

:flowers:

Talia

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