lacylady4

Member
  • Content count

    71
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About lacylady4

Profile Information

  • Gender Female

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType Survivor

Contact Methods

  • Website URL http://
  • ICQ 0
  1. Dear Me

    Dear Charlene, It is not your fault that you were raped by Keith. It is not your fault that while being raped you was very, very scared of someone seeing him do that to you. He was the one that didn't listen to you when you said "no" over and over and over. He was the one that was wrong because he held your arms down and would not let go. He was the criminal for raping you, you did nothing to cause it. Screaming would have only gone unheard so you did nothing wrong by not screaming. Your husband wanted Keith to do it to you. Dwayne gave Keith permission for you to be raped, you didn't, because you said "no." Dwayne was wrong for planning with Keith that you be raped. Both of them were wrong for not respecting you. Both of them were wrong for the criminal things they did to you. You were innocent, unexperienced with this type of evil. You were the one that thought marriage meant trust, Dwayne didn't honor your marriage by loving you and respecting you as his wife and as a human being. Dwayne was wrong because when you told him you had been raped by Keith he later permitted Keith to live in your home. Keith was wrong because he continued to molest you in your own home even after knowing you didn't want him there. You did the right thing, you stood your ground and told him "no" everytime he touched you. You should not feel guilty because you did not scream, while being raped, because you were so scared. If you had screamed Dwayne and Keith would not have listened or cared, since they planned it. It is not your fault Dwayne allowed a criminal act to occur to you and did nothing, did not talk to you, did not console you, did not talk to Keith, did not call the police, no, he was the coward for doing nothing, not you. You were brave for having the guts to tell Dwayne even though he did nothing. Dwayne was wrong for not listening to you. Both Keith and Dwayne are criminals. Dwayne is just as guilty of raping you as Keith was because he did nothing, he gave Keith permission to abuse you. You still went on with your life and got your Bachelor's degree, taught High School, raised four sons, and became a professional woman in your current career. You did not allow Dwayne or Keith the power over you and your body, you found love again and went on with your life. Dwayne and Keith hurt you very much, you are still hurt very much, but you are on the way to healing on the inside. You kept your silence all these years so that your son's would not suffer behind the terrrible things their dad did to you. Now you know they understand a part of what went on and how you were so hurt. You made your life a good life without Dwayne. You are a strong woman. You are a survivor. You can survive again and will be able to heal from the bad memories because you are so strong. You can help others too. You have permission to choose to help others. You have permission to heal. You are loved.
  2. Invalidation. Words Can Hurt!

    "I can't believe he molested you! He is such a nice guy. I have known him for years and he never did that before." I just have one question for you? (my supervisor) " How would you feel if your wife was molested when she was walking down the hall of this office building? I hope you would take her complaint more seriously than you are mine at the moment!"
  3. Hi everyone, I am new and a little scared but here goes. I am a survivor of rape when I was 20 years old. It happened a long time ago, but back then no one ever talked about it, much less ever reported it. My husband at the time, now ex husband, was in on the planning of the rape. He may have thought I would agree to his best friend having intercourse with me and did not consider it rape, but it was rape. I was thrown on the couch and my arms pinned and the rapist was my age and a school classmate, named Keith. He penetrated me several times while I begged him to stop. There were other issues surrounding this incident that I may feel like discussing later, but I was not in agreement with the rape. My ex husband was in the other room. He had to have heard me begging him to stop. I finally got my nerve up to tell him about 2 months later because I could not stand the thought of being around the rapist and my ex husband was still his best friend. When I told my ex I could not stand to be around Keith, my ex did not say a word. I explained why and he still did not say a word. We did however not go see Keith for about 4 months. Keith got married soon after that and my ex invited him and his new wife to live with us. (even after knowing he had raped me) Keith continued to molest me any occasion he could when his wife and my ex were not in the room. He never raped me again for fear, I believe, that his wife would find out, but I felt raped everytime he touched me inappropriately. I recently attended the wedding of one of my sons. Two weeks before the wedding I found out that Keith and his wife were invited to the wedding. I was devistated. I was in torture for 2 weeks before the wedding thinking I would have to see Keith. My ex was going to be there too. I also have Lupus and the symptoms flare up badly when I am under stress. My Lupus got so bad by the time of the wedding that I could hardly even walk. I was miserable at my own son's wedding; a time I should have been very happy about and excited. Instead I was in fear and anger about the rape and scared I would see Keith. Keith did not show up, but that did not matter. It felt to me like I had been raped and molested all over again. I am now engaged to a very wonderful man, Nolen. He is a counselor and is very understanding. I am so glad I found someone that does understand and does not blame me. I know the wedding triggered all these flashbacks and made me feel victumized all over again. I never really dealt with my feelings before now. My Psychologist is helping me and suggested I write letters to my ex and to Keith. I do not need to mail them. The letters are for me to help me heal, help me release the anger and hurt.