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  1. But yet I had pm's that I had deleted
  2. In my case it is not just after 2011 I am missing lots of topics from when I joined in 2007
  3. I loved the way you described what AS was like when I first started on here - dont' remember how many years ago - lol. I was on here all the time and my husband wondered if it was hurting me. When I had joined here it was after remembering csa and I was devastated. But it is true I was so immersed in it and talking about it in my own topics. And it seemed no matter who I replied to I could related to. It really is a great way to clean out those wounds. When I first started it was so all encompassing I never thought I would see the end I thought my life was over. Now it is so different - the last post I made before this one I mentioned to my daughter that it seems so weird I can remember what happened and yet I feel so disconnected from it. It seems so long ago. Now when I am on here I wonder if there is a point to it. I feel distant from it. - Sorry this was not to be a ramble about my own confusion - lol
  4. I think it is a good idea. Instead of a topic chat it will be a topic avoidance chat.
  5. Thank you that is beautiful It also takes courage to go through it with us. :flowers:
  6. Lene Thank you very much. :flowers: Your welcome. It was all worth it and I am glad it worked as well as it did. :hug: Pam
  7. :flowers: I want to offer a sincere public apology to Ashley-Michelle. I sent her a private one via PM which she graciously responded to at length. The reason I chose to post this here is because in this thread I made mention of a bad experience with a mod. I feel it only right that I own my part in that and finish what I started. I have had negative and unresolved feelings since last year. Part of it being a feeling of impotence and not knowing what was happening, anger at the rules and how they were presented to me. Every time someone was banned those feelings would rise again. I really did start this thread to try to start a conversation but I was curious to see if she would post. She did but it was not what I expected. When I read her post yesterday my overwhelming thought was I wish you would have explained it to me like this last year. Which got me thinking. Why didn't she? I stepped back for a moment and thought about how much stress she would have been under. It went on for days and that was after the members knew. How full her PM box no doubt was with I expect not nice messages especially in light of some of the examples given. I was ashamed to admit even to myself that I had gotten upset because my diplomatic but challenging PM's were met with an abrupt response. I had been in turmoil but I was wrong not to consider Ashley-Michelle's feelings/situation. Both as a person and a mod. Wrong to not step back and consider what it was like to be wearing her shoes at the time. I never once gave her the benefit of the doubt. Never once tried to see her/their side of things. I wanted them to be wrong so I latched on to what I believed to be rude / arrogant behavior at the time. It wasn't, it was abrupt, but in hindsight that is understandable. So I am sorry I always want people to walk a mile in my shoes before they judge me and yet I could not do the same. :hug: :hug: Pam
  8. Thanks azazo I never thought of singing to break the tension The way I sound right now it would be comic relief. :hug: :hug:
  9. I don't think you will get banned. I say that assuming you haven't been in trouble before. :hug: I mean no disrespect to you but I don't think we can (should) say someone is or is not a safety issue. It is a challenging statement and I was hoping to avoid those. I can relate to your not being able to understand why they see your friend as a safety issue. Personally I have trouble with the word "safety" but I can't come up with a better one. But the rules are in place and they are universal and we have to accept that they see something we don't. I have remained in contact with two people who were banned. I recently saw a side to one that I have not seen before and to be honest would not want that spiteful attitude back on the boards. I am a friend so I have never been the recipient but I pity anyone who has been. I know it has looked like they got banned because they lost there temper, which is why I started the thread in the first place, but the mod's have been VERY clear that that is not the case. Perhaps if you have a specific rule you have trouble with you could post it here. I don't think this is about good people and bad people we are all people. Our friends have made private choices with very public consequences. :hug:
  10. Lene Thank you for responding to Cathie's post. Cathie I think this thread is evidence of that fact that we can question. If it is done respectfully and impartially. For the first little while this thread was on the boards lots of views but no responses. I did receive PM's which I was grateful for but it also frustrated me because I wanted the conversation in the open. As I have read the posts I have come to realize that perhaps the mod's were as hesitant as I was. That from experience they know that they can say or do something with the best of intentions and still get attacked for it. I want to say that the other day between this thread and my PM's (which normally I have next to none) it took hrs. I know I am not feeling well and that played a part in it. But it was what I considered sensitive stuff and it made my brain tired analyzing everything I said and I still made a Something else that I have to consciously remind myself of is the time zones. :hug:
  11. I hope so too because that was not the atmosphere when I started here. :hug: I appreciate that you (all the workers) have been willing to post. I sincerely hope no one got any negative PM's as a result of this thread. I received a nasty PM about a mod once- I could not understand where all the venom was coming from. Not that anyone deserves it but this person really not. I guess when a volcano erupts it doesn't really care what it destroys. I appreciate receiving a couple of examples of what has happened. It helps get a perspective. I also appreciate the reassuring words that I didn't behave like that. :)
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