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ImScared

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About ImScared

  • Birthday 10/26/1967

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

Recent Profile Visitors

2,344 profile views
  1. Thank you....I'm doing much better and have practiced on not acting out and getting myself under control.
  2. Thank you....I've managed to beg off several times that he has texted me. My German is mad at the guy and told me that I'm not to be alone with him again. It's nice to know that someone cares....or at least pretends to care. I'm feeling a little bit better.
  3. I did something stupid on Sunday night and I can't let it go.....suddenly life is crazy and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I thought things were getting better. I went on holiday with my German. We had an amazing time. He went home to his girlfriend. I've discovered that I have a tendency to act out if he posts something about her and it upsets me. Sunday, on a certain site, I met a guy. He seemed so nice texting. He wasn't bad but I got a bad feeling when I met him. Let's say that things didn't go well. I had issues and it was my fault. Since then, I cry every night to sleep and every morning when I wake up. Thank goodness for my German. I asked him to be there for me as a friend and he has. He is trying to help me but he's in Germany. He is upset because every time he sees me on Skype, I'm crying my eyes out. I hadn't heard from the guy until tonight. He wanted to meet up but I was able to beg off but I'm sick to my stomach! What is wrong with me?! I can't do this anymore.....I don't know what to do..... Thanks for listening to me rant, I'm sorry
  4. Thank you for the support....I'm just thinking of being done and now I'm struggling to see what I really want to do and be in life. I just met a guy the other night. We hit it off but he's married. Never thought I'd be this person but I'm not sure what I want.
  5. Thanks it's just confusing....I wish life was easier. The problem is that I'm addicted to him. I put up with it because I feel something for him. I don't know what it is because I don't believe in love. Thanks, I miss talking to you =)
  6. It's been a really long time since I wrote here.....so much is going on in my life. It's been good, bad and I don't know. For the first time in my life.....I'm not sure I want to continue to do my job. I'm a substitute teacher and the kids are getting worse every year. I'm done with their bad manners and their lack of effort. I work almost the entire year. I rarely have a day off unless it's for a holiday. I really care about the kids but it's getting harder and harder to care. I get really bad pay and no benefits. Obviously, I don't do it for the money or benefits. =) My German friend has a girlfriend and I feel like a mistress or something not good. I wish that he loved me but he doesn't. He confuses me. He wants to help me get a job near him but says that I can't stay with him because of his girlfriend. I get that but then why try to get me there?? So that's a bit of my weird life in a nutshell.
  7. ImScared

    Quotes

    Thank you. I hope you can find your happy ending also =)
  8. ImScared

    Quotes

    I saw this and for some reason it is clicking with me...... And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Maybe this is what I need to do....move on and be happy.
  9. ImScared

    Happy Endings?

    Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me. I need to try not to sabotage this anymore. Unfortunately, I do like 2 other guys also. But this guy has my heart more.
  10. ImScared

    Happy Endings?

    Thank you for your support. I hope your marriage stays strong. I appreciate it.
  11. ImScared

    Happy Endings?

    Do we ever get happy endings? I found a guy that I trust with my life. We are friends and he is amazing. He makes my ghosts go away. We aren't in a relationship but I feel guilty because I've been with several men since I met him. I'm not going to tell him about them (even though we agreed to tell if we were with anyone) because he got upset when I told him that a guy was going to put me up when I visit him. I wasn't going to be able to stay with him the whole time because his kids would be visiting. I agreed to not be at his haus because I'm not ready to meet his kids. I seem to have this unnatural need to cause myself pain. Why would I be with these other men when I already have one? I'm so excited to see him and he to see me. But now I feel guilt. I don't want to hurt him. Is it wrong if I keep this to myself? I just want a happy ending.... PS-on a different note, suddenly guys are interested in me. I'm not pretty and have never been someone that guys like. All of this is overwhelming, suddenly having guys wanting my attention.
  12. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I hope you enjoy your day.

    1. ImScared

      ImScared

      Thank you so much!! I had an amazing day and weekend!!

  13. ImScared

    Doctor's Visit

    It's taken me until today to finally express how I feel about the visit the other day. I had to go for a pelvic ultrasound and mammogram. The pelvic ultrasound was an internal one. She put the camera inside me and kept moving it around...to say it was uncomfortable is the least!!! She said she couldn't find my ovaries so she had to do the outside ultrasound also! She asked why I was having it done and was surprised that I didn't know why. I was so uncomfortable and felt so violated. I don't know if I will ever do it again. I really don't think there was a need for it. I believe in the old adage, if it ain't broke don't fix it!!! After I went through this, they decide to get my mammogram done the same day. I know the lady was just doing her job but it hurt also. I'm really not that big of a baby but I think I was so traumatised that it didn't matter what anyone did, it was going to hurt. I'm just done with all this testing! Just say I'm fine and can get on with my life. I know there are some things I need to do/change and I'm working on them but this stuff is unnecessary. Now I get to stress and worry until Monday when I see the girlie doctor again. I'm just hoping and praying that nothing is found!!! I can't deal with anymore right now. I leave next Friday for Europe and I just want to go and relax and not be worried the whole time. Sorry for the long rambling....I can't speak it outloud because it is too much for me. Have a safe day!
  14. ImScared

    Been Awhile

    It's been awhile since I posted on my blog so I'm doing it now. I'm home alone this week because of stupid tests for the doctor. I have the pelvic ultrasound tomorrow and the mammogram on Wednesday. On Friday, I will see my new doctor. She is very nice. She's my daughter's doctor also, so we have already met. I'm hoping that everything is good. I've cut out most sugar from my daily life and it was much easier than I thought. I'm just days away from leaving for Europe to see the guy I really like. =) I joined a group that he suggested and now I help people learn English! I'm going to add that to my CV and hope that it helps with my job search. I've been cleaning my haus like a mad woman! Ok, yesterday, I was lazy but Saturday and today....cleaning!! I thinking I'm doing well. The German that I'm going to see...he suggested that I get into T. Everyone suggests it, I guess I will look into it when I get back. My laptop supposedly got a "virus" over the weekend, hence, the very little anyone heard from me. The woman at the Apple Store was amazing and fixed it right away!! How am I doing? I think I'm in a good place. My German and I are going to create new better memories than I have from my ex. My German can't believe that I have never done so much, like dating and things sexually. He is so kind and gentle. I'm so glad that I met him. Ok, enough of my rambling and have a safe day/night!!
  15. ImScared

    Anxiety

    I'm planning on switching doctors when I get back from my holiday. I just don't like this one. I didn't realise the pelvic one was also an internal....my mum said she started menopause in her late 40's also so I really think that's what it is and the doctor should know this! This is why it takes me 20+ years to see the girlie doctor!! I think I'll go back to my old way of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it!!" Thanks for the support!! Have a safe day!!
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