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kyukidojen

Contributing Member
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  • Content Count

    4,985

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Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Midwest, USA
  • Interests
    Martial arts, photography, writing, art, wildlife rehabilitation

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://jenn-livingproof.blogspot.com

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Single Status Update

See all updates by kyukidojen

  1. splitperson3

    Hi Jen.  I am not well.  Today I ran into a person from the past and the smile I got from them was the same smile that was there when I got hurt a lot.  I am ashamed and hate me so bad right now.   Sorry if this isn't supposed to be on here I don't know what to do.  I did call a hotline this afternoon.  I didn't even know that this person lived this close to me (1 hr away).  Or maybe they don't live there I don't know.  I feel sick

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. crushedflower

      crushedflower

      how terrifying. please try not to feel ashamed. you have done nothing wrong. i would be scared and upset and sickened too. probably the only way i am able to finally relax is b/c they are all dead. hope you are feeling a bit safer. work on that safety plan.

      hugs.

    3. splitperson3

      splitperson3

      Trigger warning

      The helpline helped me to talk about it for a bit I guess.  Thank you crushedflower and Jen.  I am still feeling sick both physically and emotionally.  I haven't been to the doctor for several years but today I went into a clinic and made an appointment with a nurse practioner for Monday.  I don't like doctors and am scared so I went in instead of calling in cause I knew I would probably hang up if I had called in for the appointment.  I woke up last night spitting blood up.  I hope it is just a bad cold or infection.  I hate me.

       

    4. kyukidojen

      kyukidojen

      I am glad you made an appointment.  Spitting up blood is concerning.  I hope you keep the appointment; something is clearly going on, and it needs to be sorted out.  You deserve help and compassion.  I wish I could somehow help you to see yourself the way I see you.  I also wish there was something tangible I could do to help you right now.

    5. Show next comments  6 more
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