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Hello everyone, Im Jessica and nice to meet everyone. So I joined a bit ago and have been reluctate to use this. Now that I am I find myself feeling.. broken? I guess that's a good term for it. I was sexually assaulted three years ago around this time. I never reached out for help. I told my ex boyfriend and other old friends, but that only made matters worse. I think this is a big step for me and I'm still coming to terms of why I am herr, even though I do know why. Besides that, I love my dogs and my family. I work full time at a restaurant And I'm also in school pursuing a degree in counseling (ironically, I need to heal before helping others). And I really just want to heal. I look forward to healing with everyone. Thank you

Hi all, back on here after a long time away (6 years) and hope to start healing again and finding some support. Thank you

Hi, I'm cirrus. I'm 19 and identify as nonbinary. It's coming up on one year since everything happened. I'm looking for a place to tell my story and hopefully find others with similar experiences. Since I'm making this post anyway, I have a quick question: where would be the appropriate forum to post my story? It could be very triggering and I wouldn't want to upset anyone.

Hi everyone. I have been struggling a lot lately and just decided that maybe it is time to be more open about things that have happened in my past. I am thankful for this community already. I know I need to get better and support will go a long way.

Hi, This is all quite new for me. Even though this is internet and I'm behind a computer, sharing my experience is still quite intimidating. Plus, internet can be mean. The assault happened about 10 years ago, at a church. I was too young to understand, but the experience haunts me none the less. What's worse is I found out later on that he assaulted another girl at a different place. Logically I understand that I'm not responsible for his action; but I can't help but feel that my silence came with a price. I'm working on putting this behind me and moving on. However, it is really difficult. I feel like I see him at every street corners. And sadly, sometimes I do. I'm not sure how this site and community is supposed to work. But here I am. Thank you

Hi, I'm 41 years old survivor of being molested almost all my childhood, and teen years by my stepfather. Who also abused my mom the whole time as well. I'm trying to find away to deal with and get past stuff. My stepfather died a year ago and it kind of brought things to a boiling point and I've seen had a lot harder of a time handling everything.

Any journey must start somewhere and here is the beginning of my journey of writing a blog. I've never done this before, so bear with me. I plan to use this as a journal in which I can freely express the feelings and struggles, and victories that I face day to day. My T told me the other day that I'm in the chrysalis stage and soon will emerge a new girl. There have been so many changes in my life lately, so many more that are needed. Some days the pain is so heavy and the tears won't stop. Other days are sunny and my life is full of blessings. Sometimes it takes all the strength I can gather just to get up out of bed and keep going. And yet, I do keep going and look for challenges to conquer, new things to learn. So, just a little bit about me as an introduction. I am a CSA survivor who just started going to counseling a little over a year ago. I struggled with why now? I've made it through life for 35 years since it happened. Why am I struggling so much now? Regardless of the answer, I am choosing to get help NOW. Someone shared a quote by C.S. Lewis that has been a good reminder to me: "You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending." I'm facing a lot of changes presently: looking for a new job, trying to get financially independent so that I can live on my own, learning to set boundaries, learning to do self-care, etc. The path I am walking has so many twists and turns that I can't see ahead and have to trust that it will lead me to a good place. I play the piano, harp and mountain dulcimer. Music is such a help, but so often I've been too busy to play. I want to change that and make music a priority once again. I also have a mandolin that I am hoping to learn how to play soon. I am a Christian and my faith has helped me through some of my darkest days. But I will be honest and admit that lately I've been asking God, "Why?" in regards to my past. I don't have all the answers and I may never understand the "why". There will be times when I may refer to God or the Bible, because both are such a major part of who I am. I want this blog to give a complete picture of my life, the good and the bad. So now I will continue on this journey looking forward to the dawn of a new day.

Hi, I'm not sure how to start here... I was sexually abused as a child and kept silent for many years. I did eventually tell my mom, but still didn't talk about it much. Basically I just tried to forget and move on with life. But I couldn't forget. I've been going to counseling for over a year now and am trying to be more open to others about my past. For so long I struggled (still do) with guilt and shame, even though I know it was in no way my fault. I'm hoping that by joining this group that I will find my voice even if it is just through writing.

Hello, my name is B and I'm new here. I'm a survivor of sexual abuse and other types of abuse. I'm hoping to connect with other survivors.

Hi there, everyone. This is my first time on a support message board, but I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment and think some support from people who know what I'm going through might help. I'm seeing a therapist but due to my job situation I can't see her as often as I'd like. Looking forward to read some success stories on here and be inspired. Have a great week!

Hi, I'm Faye. I've been sexually assaulted three times in my life. I'm glad to have found this community; thanks to all of you for making it happen. Feeling alone in the aftermath of a trauma is very painful indeed. It's been almost five years since the last time, but it creeps up on me sometimes, still. The whole election thing - the "grabbing" and the alleged assaults by our almost-President and his sickening words used to deny - really triggered me. I've been dealing with strong memories, and I'm angry, and I'm hurting again, in spite of the time passed. Anyhow. Glad to be here. Thank you.

Hi everyone. I thought I'd come here to introduce myself. I'm Faith... I was attacked by a stranger almost 5 years ago, and somehow he still has control over my mind. I guess I've come to reach out for some support from people who genuinely know what it feels like to be hurt, rather than people who (no disrespect, and luckily for them), don't have any idea. Please be gentle with me... I tend to self destruct rather than asking for some help, so this is really a big deal for me. Thank you for reading this...

Hello, I'm new to this site. I only joined to appease some of my loved ones who thought I should open up about what happened to me. I hope this also gives me some relief also. Hope to get to know some of the people here.

It's not easy to write this first message. It's my first step to recovery even though I'm still so confused about what happened and my feelings. I hope to find answers and people who can understand me Have a great day everyone

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Hi there, just an intro post. This is my first time on this forum or any type of forum actually. Bit unsure.

Hello Everyone, Wow it has been over six years since I posted on this site which helped save my life. I first came here working through childhood abuse. Over the years of chatting, I realized I was not merely in an unhappy, bad marriage. I was being very emotionally and sexually abused by my husband. All I ever knew was abuse since the age of three. Even if I was not being abused. The abuse I endured markedly affected me. While I always appeared to be a happy child and teenager, that was merely a persona that a very terrified innocent inner child trapped within maintained to be safe and never have those horrible things I believed I caused come out into the light. For decades I took the blame for my abusers abuse. Thankfully, after breaking my silence I learned better. They were family secrets that I was taught to keep quiet. My parents did not discuss it even with me so I must not discuss it either. Finally, after over five years of intensive in and out patient therapy I was able to save that inner child and wounds began to heal. Then the reality hit me that my husband was abusive. Many had mentoned it but being the dutiful controlled wife I had learned to be to keep peace for 22 years, I denied it. Finally, once I confronted my husband life took a new turn and I indeed knew I was in an abusive marriage. January 18, 2010, I packed a bag, moved into an abuse shelter, and began the most difficult battle of me life. I have been single five years. I own my house and have filled it with precious furbabies. Recently, I have realized that I am stuck. My ex was not always abusive. If you ask him he never was but that is an entire different topic. We have two now adult sons and many happy memories. He and I agreed to disagree about him but the truth is I can not accept that in my mind. I will never disagree. What happened to me was abuse. I honestly have no interest in being with anyone else and may never, but need to figure out how to move on without forcing myself to stuff the bad and focus on the good. Stuffing works for a while but there is still a big wound unhealed. Every now and them something triggers me about my ex and I totally become unglued. At least my other abusers did not ever say they loved me. My ex quickly remarried but says he will love me until he dies. So, after six years with a lot more therapy I am back. Unfortunately getting divorced meant I lost my amazing insurance and mental health care by the government lacks a lot. I found many answers and much support here in the past. I know I am safe here and safety is of the utmost importance in my life. I very much limit who is now in my life. I am finally free of my abusers physically but have to figure out how to mentally compartmentalize my married life in a healthy way for me. For years and the sakes of my sons I have pretended to like my ex and even cheered on his marriage with an ironically very controling wife (Gotta love karma). The truth is I can not stand him, actually despise him. His wife has been very cruel to our sons and their fiances. She is not a nice woman at all. They even have separated but neither wants another divorce so they will stay stuck in their situation. I am sorry if I sound horrible, but my friends have told me for six years to sit back and let God take care of things because I could have made life difficult for both of them with things I know. I think about it but that is not the kind of person I am. I prefer to help not destroy others even if they have wronged me. I know I have to come to a place of forgiveness for me not him. I know I have to stop glorying in his bad luck or do I? I am back so I can hopefully find the support to figure out how to become 100% free. It would be so much easier if he never loved me, if he even knows what love is. I just can not understand hurting the person you are suposed to love so much. I was afraid I would always love him but finally can say I feel no love that in itself is a major victory. I am looking forward to meeting new people as I continue in my healing journey and hope I can help others as well.

Hi, I am new here. I am not usually one who joins things such as this, but my friend who has been such a huge supporter suggested I join an online forum of some sorts and after searching I decided to join this one! I hope to help move past my trauma and help others as well and maybe even possibly make some friends along the way!

Hello everyone, I don't know if being a part of this site will help me, but I figure it is worth a shot. I've been feeling very alone, and I have been looking for people to talk to. I've yet to tell anyone what happened aside from my therapist, so until I find the courage to tell them I'm hoping everyone here can make me feel less alone.

Hi everyone, Today is my first day actually posting in the forums. I'm looking forward to belonging to a community of supportive and open people who have been through similar things that I have been through. I am a married mother of two and I work full time, and am trying to start my own business as well. My husband and I are also working hard to get our house ready to sell so we can upgrade - it's a little stressful! I hope everyone has a great day.

Stumbled upon these forums recently while trying to sort through things. I'm 23 and from the U.S. on the west coast. I graduate from college in December with my BA in journalism and media studies. I really enjoy writing and in my spare time I like to paint and draw, I used to commission artwork with my sister. I'm hoping to get the chance to talk with people who might understand what I'm going through. Thanks for taking time out to read this.

Hello everyone! I am an American living in Norway. I don't really know what to write here. My older brother sexually and physically abused me for several years. Nobody believed me when I cried for help. I have been called a liar, a spoiled brat, an attention getter just because of the many different ways I tried to get someone to listen or to help. All the people I trusted in my childhood let me down when they ignored me. So I have told myself to never trust again and I don't... not even my family nor psychologists. It is hard to trust people who have only shut me out when I needed them the most. I get so angry when people tell me that I am a liar. It makes me sad when people call me the crazy one when all I do is ask for help. "It isn't my business", "Stop with your false accusations"... how can people be so ignorant? Just a few years ago I learned that he sexually abused my 3 sisters and some of his classmates. I wouldn't be surprised if he also sexually and physically abused his own wife and daughter. Why do the abusers and manipulators get away with what they do? It's just not fair. I wish I had known about this forum long ago... maybe it could have spared me a lot of grief and pain. I doubt that I will ever heal and find peace. :-(

I am 25 and it has been 13 years since my childhood SA and I'm simply exhausted with the anxiety, confusion, and doubt that I still live with every day. I have no good outlet for my angst and I feel its finally time to do something about it so I'm here just looking for a little support. I have always had an erradic lifestyle filled with overworking myself, stretching myself thin fullfilling social obligations, and generally neglecting to take care of myself. I've been living this way for way too long and I guess its just time for me to stop living in denial and actually trying to become a survivor instead of struggling to get by. I have been able to work myself through a lot of my own issues up to this point but this is the first time I feel I won't be able to help myself. Sadly I've had many bad experiences with therapists so its a path I'm hesitant to go down again. I'm just looking for the support of people who can really understand what I'm going through and become my positive outlet and help me feel a little less alone with my struggles.

I am 25 and it has been 13 years since my childhood SA and I'm simply exhausted with the anxiety, confusion, and doubt that I still live with every day. I have no good outlet for my angst and I feel its finally time to do something about it so I'm here just looking for a little support. I have always had an erradic lifestyle filled with overworking myself, stretching myself thin fullfilling social obligations, and generally neglecting to take care of myself. I've been living this way for way too long and I guess its just time for me to stop living in denial and actually trying to become a survivor instead of struggling to get by. I have been able to work myself through a lot of my own issues up to this point but this is the first time I feel I won't be able to help myself. Sadly I've had many bad experiences with therapists so its a path I'm hesitant to go down again. I'm just looking for the support of people who can really understand what I'm going through and become my positive outlet and help me feel a little less alone with my struggles.

Hello everyone! I am not exactly sure what to say, but I did want to take a moment to formally introduce myself. My name is Lucy and I'm a survivor of many different kinds of sexual trauma, spanning over two decades. I'm overall in a good place in my life, especially compared to my younger self, but I do think it would be nice to connect with people that are facing similar issues stemming from abuse/assault/etc. I so look forward to meeting new people and getting to know you better!