I just want to say thank you for sharing @Enigma87. You are very brave to tell your story and I am so sorry this happened to you. My heart goes out to you.
In stating that you froze, this is something I can relate to. I also feel betrayed by my body for freezing. But this shame we carry is not necessary. Do not feel alone in this shame. It is not your fault. None of it is your fault. It is all his doing not yours. Just because you froze doesn’t mean you consented. And you clearly did not consent. Our bodies just freeze as a coping mechanism. And I am so sorry this happened to you. You are not alone in freezing up tho. I am here for you.
Thank you for sharing your secret with me, it takes real guts to share your story and I think it is an accomplishment to do so. Sending kind vibes your way.