forestmistheather

Thanks Casey. I have in fact only just seen this, but it's ironic that I have since I'm currently off work for 2 weeks with 'depression' (a breakdown - god knows how I'm ever going to face going back which I have to in a week's time). The job itself and the people at my workplace don't help. The job is dull, and my manager in particular has been funny with me about my physical illnesses. Add in that the mental health team have and currently are messing me about and I'm not sure that it's too hard to see why I'm in the state I'm currently in. But unfortunately, I cannot afford to do less h

Okay, so I'm one week off starting a new job - a permenant one just for a change. And well, I feel like I'm cracking up - I can't cope. This is a nightmare. I rang the out of hours (mental health team) service, but as usual they were worse than useless. In fact they made me feel down right bad about feeling how I am - saying things like 'everyone that can work should work'. Well I think that was my point - I don't know that I can. Not to mention the tiny insy winsy little physical problem of epilepsy and multiple sclerosis. But then hey, why can't I continue to do everything that I am c

Welcome Solitude. I hope you find AS supportive and I hope that you can share your story in time. I'm sorry that you've been through what you have to have brought you here. I will see you around the boards. Take gentle care, Forest x

Hey Nightshade, Well you seem to be doing okay from where I'm standing (well sitting to be more accurate - but who's looking right! ). Okay, so I'm not great at jokes, but you'll get used to me. Welcome to AS. I hope you find everyone here very supportive, and that you find what you need. I'm sorry you've been through what you have to have ended up here, but we are here for you. I'll see you around the forums. If you have any questions, there is a Newbie Support Team that is there to support you, so don't hestitate to email one of them. Take gentle care, Forest x

I agree hopeful - and I hope you feel accepted here Forest x

Hey JessieJ, Welcome to AS. You are not alone - we are here for you. I'm so sorry for what you have suffered. See you around the forums. Forest x

Hi hopeful, Welcome to AS. Don't worry/be put of by the size of the site. You'll soon find your way around. I'm sorry that you have to be here, but I'm glad you found us. It's a very supportive community, and I hope you'll fine what you need from it. See you around the forums, Forest x

Hi glug, Welcome to AS. I'm afraid that I've been around here so long now that I can no longer remember what happens when you first set up your account. But I'd perhaps go with, if you can see all of the forums and not just the ones available to the public, plus you can log in - then you're all set up. I'm sorry things haven't been going well for you recently. There are lots of people here to talk to though, and I'm really glad that you've found a supportive T. As for navigating the boards - I shouldn't worry too much if you're not sure where to post something at first. We've all been ther

Today I feel - tired as usual. Nothing new there I guess. I get So fed up of feeling so damn tired all the time. But I also feel a lot more emotionally calmer or perhaps more grounded I think than yesterday, which is good. I didn't like how 'out' of myself I was feeling after my T yesterday - it didn't feel healthy and I really wasn't with it at all. I woke up with the real 'get up and go' to do something, but it seems to have waned away again, and I've done nothing apart from go to the shop. My Owl (stuffed teddy), she's like, no she is my inner child. I have started to use psychodrama

Hi Alove, Welcome to AS. I'm sorry you have to be here, but I hope you find everyone supportive and I hope you find it useful. I hope to see you around the boards. Take gentle care (tgc), Forest x

Hey INTT, I'm Forest - You'll find me around the boards, and especially in chat quite a lot. Welcome to AS. I'm sorry you have to be here. I've always found AS to be very supportive though, and there are lots of different boards for all different things. See you around the boards, Take gentle care (Tgc), Forest x

My dad just showed up??? Out of the F'ing bloody blue on my doorstep! He lives 400 miles away from me and he's on my doorstep?? What the hell? My dad did not sexually abuse me just to clarify matters. But I hate him - it's like talking to a frozen inanimate object that's full of poison. You bang and bang and bang on it with such passion hoping, needing to get a reaction, but you don't - you can't. It's just dead. Until it erupts and blows you out of existance. It only has hate and deep negative emotions inside, and it passes them on to you. Dear dad, When you came round the other day

Hi, I'm going to let my little one speak about today. Today was scary and too much. It made me tired and I had to hide away and be quiet all day because I had been asked to first thing in thhe morning. I did really well and didn't come out hardly at all. But I was scared. My adult did good. She got me through seeing my psychiatrist, and then having 2 interviews. She was even offered one of the jobs for which I'm really proud of her. My brother isn't. He thinks that it isn't good enough for her and that she'll be bored within 5 minutes. He drives her so hard. But he doesn't want this

I had a really rotton panic attack today - I just wanted to cry and I could feel my throat closing in, and I just couldn't stop it, and my chest was becoming tighter and tighter, with the tears I could feel behind my eyes. And it was STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am STUPID. I cannot control myself. This was a good thing supposed to help me - it was a lady from the National Careers Service just helping me with interview stuff. But I can't even sit with her and answer questions about myself without feeling utterly and totally j

Pffft... This daily writing stuff is hard. Making a habit out of it and all. I tried to write as soon as I woke this morning as well. I don't think I got myself still in my 'dreamy' state, it seemed all too thought about. But maybe tomorrow morning right? I went to this awesome music garden party today at a friends house - took my niece (who's only 8) too. My friend is SO creative. She opened up this treasure trove of stuff she'd made into musical instruments or bought or been given along her travels. It had like maracas and castanets (many homemade versions too) and a wierd looking th

I am so so sorry that you are struggling with this. Whilst I don't have a partner with whom I need to work out what to share / what not to, a lot of your story felt very close to home for me and just got me thinking about a few things. I was raped a number of years ago now after I'd been drinking heavily during that day. I had previously drunk similar levels of alcohol, albeit not in a long while. But I had never had the reaction I had that evening. I have lots of memory blanks, especially of during the rape itself, which lasted a number of hours - I hardly remember anything of that. And

My T said that I was quite good at writing today, which felt really lovely. I'm not good at anything - well nothing that people recognise. And she's not the only person to have said that to me. An ex English teacher told me the same thing. So it feels a little believable which is scary. I don't like to think of myself as good at something. I guess I almost like, or maybe have just gotten used to thinking of myself as worthless and not good at anything. My dad, he thought I was worthless. He made me think that I was worthless. And yet the irony is, he expected me to achieve greatness.

Hi Lilith, Welcome to AS. You sound very creative - I'm glad you have a positive outlet and a supportive husband. Support is so needed, and AS is also a very supportive environment full of people who (unforntunately) understand. I'll see you around the forums Forest x

I'm so so sorry Rainman, This must be an horrific shock for you. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, and that these memories are now resurfacing for you. AS is a very supportive environment, and I hope you find it helpful. Take gentle care, Forest x

Hello again anah, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. To be honest, I think my truthful answer may be a little more complex than the one you're looking for. So I'll try my best to keep it as brief as possible, but I must be honest. Honestly, different cultures and peoples around and across the world view the family unit SO SO differently - some see 'kin' as 'solely' blood relations; some see 'kin' as 'solely' none-blood relations but are far more 'socially' or 'hierarchily' focussed. As such, incest will mean different things the world over to different people. There is no right or wron

Hi Anah, Welcome to AS. I've always found this a very safe and comforting place to come whenever I've needed a place to 'hide away', or to vent, or to get other peoples opinions who have been through similar things. I am sorry that you are having to use this forum, however, I hope you also find what you need from it. Hope to see you around. Forest x

My mouth hurts - stupid dentists. Had my wisdom tooth out - not enough room in my mouth for it and was rubbing at the back. But not I feel sick and my mouth really hurts. It didn't hurt at all at the time. I think by their comments it should have done despite the lignocaine anastaetic. Now it does though. Should take my mind off how out of my mind I've been today you'd think. I feel so sick. It's been too much - again. I don't know how I got through, I came so close to bursting and collapsing. I could hardly speak & I have no nails & was sucking my thumbs but I could barely b

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Do remember that these 'identities/others' are parts of you too, just not parts that you readily identify with. There may have been a good reason for that part of you to have come to the fore at that moment in time. It may have been to protect you, or perhaps it had something that it needed to be heard / let out. But this 'other' is still a part of you and has / does serve a purpose. I hope things settle again for you shortly. Take gentle care, Forest x