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Journal Entry 31/07

forestmistheather

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Today I feel - tired as usual. Nothing new there I guess. I get So fed up of feeling so damn tired all the time. But I also feel a lot more emotionally calmer or perhaps more grounded I think than yesterday, which is good. I didn't like how 'out' of myself I was feeling after my T yesterday - it didn't feel healthy and I really wasn't with it at all. I woke up with the real 'get up and go' to do something, but it seems to have waned away again, and I've done nothing apart from go to the shop. My Owl (stuffed teddy), she's like, no she is my inner child. I have started to use psychodrama techniques with owl to reverse role play things. This is like I'll talk to my child self before I go somewhere that I'm feeling anxious about - as I know it's coming from that part of me - and reassure her that it's going to be okay. I then take her with me so that she can she for herself - that I (the grown up one) will look after her and take care of things, and that it is okay. I also step into her shoes sometimes if I feel she has something to say, and let owl speak. I can then step out and answer her as the adult. I guess I am beginning to think of this part of me as a misguided and lonely friend, but I wonder what she feels about fun? Would she like to have some? I don't think she knew what it was - she was stiffled somehow and very inhibited. But she's my child - she should know and be allowed to know what fun is -surely?



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