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13/07/15

forestmistheather

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I had a really rotton panic attack today - I just wanted to cry and I could feel my throat closing in, and I just couldn't stop it, and my chest was becoming tighter and tighter, with the tears I could feel behind my eyes. And it was STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am STUPID. I cannot control myself. This was a good thing supposed to help me - it was a lady from the National Careers Service just helping me with interview stuff. But I can't even sit with her and answer questions about myself without feeling utterly and totally judged and pathetic. I am a loser, my life is a waste of time. I had to give her details of all my medical problems and it made me feel so inadequate. It made me feel SO disabled. Society makes me feel disabled. Not being able to work or find satisfying permanant work because nobody wants me because I'm TOO SICK. I'm just pathetic and a waste of space. Quality of life? What's that? I don't have a life. I can't even be bothered to write this tonight.



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