My dad just showed up??? Out of the F'ing bloody blue on my doorstep! He lives 400 miles away from me and he's on my doorstep?? What the hell? My dad did not sexually abuse me just to clarify matters. But I hate him - it's like talking to a frozen inanimate object that's full of poison. You bang and bang and bang on it with such passion hoping, needing to get a reaction, but you don't - you can't. It's just dead. Until it erupts and blows you out of existance. It only has hate and deep negative emotions inside, and it passes them on to you.
When you came round the other day and we talked about my sister/your daughter and how she's behaving more and more like mum, and we got on to talking about how old I was when mum started to work really long hours, and you said how even though she wasn't there you were - you weren't. You were there in person, but you have always had a very great amount of trouble simple looking after yourself let alone a child. I do not mean that you didn't cook tea, I mean that you couldn't suport either yourself nor me mentally nor emotionally - and that was what I needed. I didn't need money, a new x y or z, I required love and support. But instead I was often comforting you. There is so much I have to say to you but you will not take it on board.