13rose

It only takes one sentence, one word to 'trigger' me. Most of the time I do not even notice until its too late. I start off feeling fine, then a few hours later I begin to feel tired, which quickly changes to exhausted. I then attempt to go to sleep, but am usually left just laying awake. People ask me if I am okay, to which I respond yes...but really I don't know. How am I feeling? Who am I? Where am I? What am I? I feel like an alien, the body I am currently in does not belong to me. I feel distant. I feel alone. I feel cold. I feel numb. My arms and legs seem to be working, and it appears l

I hate the night. Sometimes I find myself lost in the dark. The daylight keeps me present, and the night takes me back. I start feeling tears stream down my face and I can't quite tell what they are from. Then I begin to feel like I am being sucked into a time loop. I am back at our old dirty apartment, sneaking past him as he sleeps...terrified he might wake up. My heart is racing, body tense then his eyes open. I flash forward to a new room. All of a sudden I am laying on a cot next to a stranger eyes wide open. My phone is flashing with messages reading I love you, I hate you, call me,

I feel like I had so much stolen from me. No matter how many years go by, and how successful I become I will never have what I use to. I lost more than just money I lost who I use to be. The world will never look the same as it once did, I will never be as trusting, loving, caring...I will never be innocent again. Its funny, I guess I don't really want to change what happened because I do like who I am now, but I do often wish I could be who I am now with the innocence I use to have. Seeing the world the way I do currently may make me who I am but it often times makes me sad as well. Igno

I wish I had an answer for you. But I can say I have similar feelings. Maybe tell your partner about how your feeling before sex. Assuming you trust your partner and are in a safe place. That helped me a bit with mine, I told him its hard for me to tell you to stop because I feel like I am not suppose to and if I do you will leave. Then he said some wonderful things to me about how he won't leave etc. For a while he was extra careful and slowly it has gotten better but its still hard to speak up. Sitting with you too if that's ok ❤️

Hello everyone, ****Sorry for the trigger warning, its not graphic just wasn't sure what would upset people in the forums, and wanted to play it safe***** This is just my short introduction. I left a domestic abuse situation a few years ago and am now in a safe happy new life and relationship. However, I still struggle all the time with what happened to me, and some days are harder than others. It was emotional, sexual, and eventually physical abuse and in the end when I left I had to leave my cat behind with the abuser. Its been years, I even have a new cat now who I love to pieces