Enigma87
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@aprilbaby49 Gosh, I am so moved by this... It’s inspiring to read. I admire the self-respect you have and the determination to put the blame where it belongs - solely on him. I support you wholeheartedly. Sending you much care and support. 💕
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Hey there girl, I’m back online and wanted to say hi. I hope you’re doing well.
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Hey girl! @behindthesehazeleyes I’m so glad to hear from you ❤️ I’ve been okay. Hanging in there as best as I can. I’ll definitely PM you.
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Anxious. In shock. Can’t sleep. Bad flashbacks
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@Abigail2020 Aw thank you so much 💕I really appreciate the hugs
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@waterlily13 Aw thank you ❤️ I’m trying... I appreciate the support friend.
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@wolfennights Hmm, I’ll have to check this out! Thanks for the recommendation! & don’t feel embarrassed... I think many of us watch shows like that. I know I do... especially when I am super anxious and depressed or cannot quiet my thoughts related to trauma. My dad got angry with me tonight and it triggered some trauma from my past. So now I’m in my room watching SpongeBob, drinking milk, and eating candy, with my stuffed “build-a-bear” polar bear from my preteen years. Lol - so don’t feel bad 😉😊
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Oh wow @13rose... this is so powerful, and relatable. I am so sorry the night haunts you in this way. I feel similarly about the night and my traumas. The part you mentioned about being sucked into a time loop feels so true when I’m in bed at night. I’m not sure what to say really. I just want you to know I admire your strength as a survivor, in what you have been through, and being able to communicate and express your feelings in this way. Although sad, you wrote this so beautifully and powerfully. Thank your for sharing. I am sending you kindness and support, as well as sitting with you if y
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My first ever blog entry!
Enigma87 commented on LisaButterfly's blog entry in A Butterfly's Blog - Therapeutic Journaling in a Safe Space
@LisaButterfly I am in agreement with Sandy12 ❤️ I absolutely love the way you express your thoughts and feelings! This was very heartwarming to read. I look forward to reading more of your blog entries as you share them. I appreciate you being here also! Sending you support and safe hugs also. -
Not feeling like myself. I want to be cheerful and motivated, but am dragging and detached from everyone and everything. I’m sorry for being MIA. I love and support you all. ❤️🌺
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@abhaya Thank you so much for saying that. Sending hugs and support to you
❤️
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@Capulet Thank you so much Cap ❤️ That means a lot
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Talked with old friends today. They are moving on with their lives... dating, getting married, having kids, etc. Meanwhile, I have wasted the past several years of my young life trying to recover from a mental breakdown and effects of trauma. I’m not sociable anymore. This is not where I thought I’d be in life right now. I feel like such a failure... I’m feeling so much self-hatred and shame. 😢😞
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I think it's not negativity, I think there is a real sadness and loss that comes along with trauma. I support you having whatever space you need to feel how you feel. I don't think you're a failure, or that you've wasted your life, but I am sending you support and holding space for you to process the loss if it is helpful for you. I don't think feeling this way makes you bad, or a failure, just a human being who has been through more than anyone ever should have to. Sending support and encouragement and kindness, my friend.
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@Enigma87 I don’t think this is negative at all. It’s super real and relatable, at least to me. I have felt this way A LOT. For a long, long time.
People I grew up with and care for, knew in college, and have worked with have moved forward and have lives and have made these futures for themselves.... and I just haven’t.
My T has tried to tell me many times that I’m not “behind” or “less than.” It’s just that my experience has been totally different than theirs. That they all have had their own struggles (we all do) but they weren’t having to survive and deal with c-PTSD in the same way I have. (She’s not comparing me to those people in my life, just explaining the difference).
I don’t think what you are feeling means it’s been time wasted, although I know I have felt and said the same exact thing about myself. So even though I can’t seem to take my own advice, these last few years you have felt were “wasted” are years you are just trying to survive and heal the best way you can.
I just want you to know I HEAR you. I feel the exact same way. I feel shame and like a failure and never thought this is where I would be and what my life would look like at this point. Like not even close.
I don’t have a social life either, or many close relationships with anyone at all really cause I can’t figure out how to let people in, trust and be vulnerable enough to create those relationships.
I don’t want that life for you. You deserve to heal and have moments and times you will struggle, but mostly have a full life with more joy than pain.
Sitting here if you want.
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@dora Aw you made me cry reading this... Thank you so much for making me feel less alone in this. I appreciate you saying you HEAR me more than anything. I’m sorry you have felt this way too. It’s such a painful place to sit in. I’ve been trying to move past these feelings this week. But it’s been quite hard. I really really appreciate your response more than you know and will gladly accept you sitting with me. I hope you are feeling better and working through these feelings too. You also deserve to heal and have a life full of joy more than pain also. I hope that for you too.
❤️
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@Poppy_ Aw, I’m so glad you have come back 😊❤️❤️ Sending you safe hugs to welcome you back!
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Heavy hearted 💔
Memorial service on Zoom for my 2nd dad ended about an hour ago. Still feeling the pain...
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@snmls @abhaya @Field8 @Free2Fly @Iheartcupcakes
Sorry for just now responding...
Thank you all for your support and kindness during this time. I really appreciate it more than you know. ❤️
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Hello @Maryphanalia It's awesome to meet you! Welcome to AS! I’m glad you have joined and I hope you (and maybe your friend) will find this community to be supporting and comforting as I have found it to be. Also, I saw your pots and craft work on the most recent healing and creativity post! Beautiful work! I'd love to see more. 😊💕
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Aw @abhaya 😢 ❤️❤️❤️ Your message is so touching. This is really sweet of you to be thinking so deeply of “us”, while you yourself are experiencing such painful feelings and memories. Although I cannot speak for everyone, I’m sure many here are “extremely” appreciative of the heartfelt expressions you have made and the constant support you have given. I personally have enjoyed your expressions and getting to know you thus far. However, I agree with what feralcat and seong98 have said. Please remember to listen to, and take care of yourself as first priority. Maneuvering through difficult memori
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Hopeless. Frustrated with myself. I need to be better. 😞
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@BrightSide Aw thank you B
That means a lot to hear you say all of that. I really am trying but feel like I keep sliding backward. Thank you for making me feel like I'm stronger than I feel at the moment. I needed to hear that. I know we are all struggling in some way, so I appreciate your strength and support as always. Yes, thank you for kindly sitting with me. 💕
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@Iheartcupcakes Aw thank you 😢❤️
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Enigma87 changed their profile photo
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Can’t breathe. Feeling panicked. Not doing well at all.
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Thank you @BrightSide ❤️
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@MeBeMary Honestly, not much better, but I'm trying my best to hang in there. Thanks for the hugs
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Woke up feeling paranoid and exposed.
My experiences are feeling too complicated and heavy. Still keeping secrets. Having the urge to delete every detail I’ve shared here but don’t wanna feel like a coward. Ugh...
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Sending support and kindness, @Enigma87!
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