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About Stich

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    United States

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    Supporter or secondary survivor

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  1. Stich


    Last year at the start of my college experience I was raped. The only people that know are my boyfriend and therapist. I hate talking about it. I am scared to tell anyone. I let this happen to myself a second time. The first time was just sexual assault not as bad a rape. But I let it happen again. I'm letting it affect me again. I am mad at myself because I trusted some guy and didn't trust my gut. I didn't feel safe talking to my parents and asking them to pick me up. I was in his room scared. I don't know why I let this happen to myself. This past month in March, I am officially three years
  2. Stich

    I'm back

    I don't know if anyone actually read my blog entries. But I have returned for the first time in a year or two.... what has my life been like.... well the super amazing guy I would write about ended up being abusive and the relationship ended thankfully. But after him, I was SA again. Not by my ex but by a guy who I thought was a good guy. We got a little too drunk (at least I did) and he did not listen to the word no. This was a week after I started college. Luckily this guy did not go to my college but... it was a bad way to start off the school year. After that incident I would drink Friday
  3. Stich

    I dont understand

    My friend got a message on her phone from this guy she use to talk to saying that he was going to beat her up and rape her. Like WTF?!!??!?!? she did nothing to him but stop talking to him. She went to someone at the school and they told her to forget about it because it was basically an empty threat. but seriously?!?!?!?! that set me off I was so angry and triggered because I was in a similar siutation. UGH I have also been externly triggered by thirteen reasons why because of the rape scenes in it. Was anyone else triggered by it? I was it was so graphic and the way that they showed her
  4. Stich


    Why me? Why would this happen to me? Do I seem to br strong? Did I seem weak? Was I just a person that you thought you could use scar and toss away like garbage? Victim you made me this at fifteen you made me this you were 20 shouldnt you have known better no no you didnt because you ignored me pushing you hand away you ignored me saying no you ignored me telling over and over I didnt want to sit in your lap You ignored me when I said I dont want to kiss You ignored me when I told you I wanted my phone you your the
  5. Stich

    When it happens...

    Today I worked up the courage to tell my therapist about my harassment and after I told her my story she told me it was actually assault. I always knew it was assault but someone telling me that it was assault made it real again. It triggered me and I went to my boyfriends home and cried into his arms. I got better after he told that I was not a w**re or a sl*t and that what happened was not my fault. He really is the best at making my bad days better. I wish there was a medicine that could just make the memories, flashbacks, and trauma all just go away. I want to stop the flashback and mental
  6. Stich

    Dear Abuser

    Dear Abuser, You know who you are. You may not know what you did to me and the effect that you have had on me but I wanted to tell you I hate your guts. For the first six months after the assault, I couldn't be touched by anyone, family, friends, people I liked. Because of you. For the past two years, I have had nightmares of your face and about the event that happened. I fear every day of seeing you in case you try to do something again. You made me a statistic at only 15 years old. Most people at 15 may be getting their first boyfriend or have their first kiss. I did one of those things
  7. I felt like the worst person in the world yesterday. I went with my boyfriend and his sister to the city (Chicago) and as we were driving I started getting paranoid. Whenever I go to someplace new or someplace where I know there will be a lot of people I start to look around. I try to see every single person so I am aware of my surroundings which is good but I also make sure the guy that SA me isn't there. If he was there I would just go home because I don't like to see him or be anywhere near him. Luckily he wasn't there but I was having a little freak out session in the back seat by myself.
  8. Hey, Sorry for not posting in a while I have had a lot of school work and work happening all at the same time. I have not talked to a therapist yet about this because I am still kinda scared to admit to someone I know could possibly tell my parents or get the police involved in the situation. I have been having a lot of bad days. During the 3 months of summer, I had three bad days. During the school year where I am back where my sexual harassment happened it seems like every day there is something that triggers me and I am back to how I was last year and how I was when it first start
  9. Today is Labor Day and it started out like any other day. I got up, got dressed and thought that today was going to be a good day because I was going to my friend's church picnic and then having dinner and maybe even getting to see my boyfriend. The friend that I went to the picnic with does not know I was sexually harassed by our mutual guy friend but I think she assumes that because of how I feel about him something was up. My friend picked me up and we went to the picnic. She then asked me if I wanted to go get coffee and talk inside the coffee shop because it was colder and there would be
  10. Stich

    TW--My story

    So I want to give anyone who has decided to read my blog a little insight on what happened to me and the after effects that I faced because of my sexual harassment. When I was 15 years old I went to a school dance. I had a "friend" who came up to me and asked me if he could join my group and I said yes because we all went stag and I figured he could join us since his date ditched him. So as the dance started to happen he kept trying to undress and I told him he needed to keep his clothes on. As the night went on I told him I did not want to grind and yet he kept grinding on me. I told him to s
  11. Stich

    First Entry

    Hey everyone, So I decided to start a blog just to see what its like. I also want to give and get advice from other people on what goes on in the aftermath of any type of sexual/domestic violence or abuse. I also want to share my journey of where I have come and how I deal with bad days and how I enjoy my good days. I have been on After Silence for a few months and I want to try and help others who struggle with the after effects of whatever happened to them. I have found support from other survivors and I want to get help and help those who struggle too.
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