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Dear Abuser



Dear Abuser,

You know who you are. You may not know what you did to me and the effect that you have had on me but I wanted to tell you I hate your guts. For the first six months after the assault, I couldn't be touched by anyone, family, friends, people I liked. Because of you. For the past two years, I have had nightmares of your face and about the event that happened. I fear every day of seeing you in case you try to do something again. You made me a statistic at only 15 years old. Most people at 15 may be getting their first boyfriend or have their first kiss. I did one of those things and it was my first kiss well kinda because you forced it onto me. I never wanted to kiss you, I never wanted you to touch me. I hope that you learn what the word no means. You make me fear going new places because I am afraid that you will be there. You make me afraid to have my back turned to anyone and not to check my surroundings every so often just to make sure that you are not there. You make me fear to go to my favorite coffee shop because every time I see your face the memories come back and the flashbacks are there. I now hate going to school because of what happened there. You have been a pain in the butt for two years and I am done being afraid of you, I am done fearing your name, your face, and seeing you. I hope you are grateful that I never told the cops or anyone else about what happened that night. I know you will never get this but I did want to thank you for one thing. Teaching me that I'm stronger than ever. Not a lot of people know the pain of hiding this secret and going through the flashbacks and the memories and the fears that come with it. I know they may not go away for every but they are not what make me, me. I am a survivor because of you and I refuse to be a victim anymore. You are done controlling my life with the fears, flashbacks, memories, and being paranoid about everything. You will never know the pain and suffering I have been through because of you but I hope you have a great life and thanks for making me stronger. 


The survivor of the assault. 


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You are so incredibly strong! I commend you for your strength and empowerment, it is truly inspiring. I am so happy you found the words you wish you could tell your abuser, as I still have no idea what I would say, or if I will ever know. It is amazing to see your recovery. Safe hugs if okay :)

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