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Mymentalhealth

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About Mymentalhealth

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    Mymentalhealth
  • Birthday January 1

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    Female

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    Survivor

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  1. Hello MrsCF, welcome to AS. I thought your introduction was great. Being the scapegoat of your Mother's Narcissistic rants is very difficult and very damaging. I am glad you found someone you love who loves you back. I think you will find this site to be very helpful. Welcome a board.
  2. Mymentalhealth

    TC

    Teleah, I am so sorry you are so sad and overwhelmed with emotion. Don't be afraid to let your tears out. TC is a little girl and she alone can not be expected to carry all the sadness. I am sorry that she has become a part of you that you have had to be exposed to. I am sorry your husband has chosen to take a job full time in Missouri. I do not know where you live right now, so I do not know the implication of his choices on your lifestyle or your marriage. What I do know, is that there is a tremendous amount of sadness connected to this life event. Taleah, change is very very difficult for the average "well adjusted" person. It is even more difficult for those of us that have experienced significant trauma in our lives. As an adult, this type of change can be so very overwhelming, you have a little girl who is trying to deal with all the change. Change can be frightening, destabilizing and overwhelming. Your little TC might be feeling abandoned which is a horrible feeling for anyone but especially a child who has been through this before. You need to be kind to yourself and to little TC. You are probably completely overwhelmed yourself with little to offer to your little self. Unfortunately, like having a child of your own, sometimes you have to put your child's needs before your own and make sure they feel safe and secure. Trust me, I get how difficult this is. I will be moving in the next year. My last child will be off to college. It is not just completely overwhelming for me but for my child as well. My child does not want us to sell the home she grew up in. The home that is close to all her friends. My heart breaks for her and I have cried a sea full of tears worrying about the move. My major concern is for her, just as yours should be for TC. Neither of our little ones can carry the burden alone. Yes it sucks to be in this situation. Yes it is completely overwhelming. However, just as I must remain strong for my children you must remain strong for little TC. She has been through more than any little child should have to go through. She needs your help to guide her, to comfort her in her time of need. I will be by your side as you move through this difficult time in your life. Don't be afraid of TC, embrace her and love her. She is a little girl that has felt pain, sorrow, hurt and abandonment. Tell her each day that she is special. That she is loved and that she is a good girl. What we say to our children is what they grow up believing about themselves. TC needs you to believe in her to tell her she is smart, kind, and loved. Together you will find strength in each other. Alone you will find sorrow. You need to embrace the strength that the two of you can create together as one. I know how very difficult all of this is for you. I wish I could take your pain away. I am offering you my strength to help you get through this. I am sitting with you. You are not alone. Together, we can all make this transition a little bit easier. Big hugs my friend.
  3. Thank you for sharing. You are so right about all of this. That is exactly what my T and I talk about. I still fall down but I am getting up so much faster. I wish you were not in the same situation, but I must admit, it is nice to hear someone going through the same thing as me. Best of luck in your recovery. I am sorry to hear about your Grandfathers. I have lost all my grandparents and both my parents. It is never easy.
  4. Mymentalhealth

    TC

    Taleah, I am so sorry you are in so much pain from meeting TC. It breaks my heart that little TC was exposed to things no child should ever be exposed to. You need to mourn for her and yes it hurts like hell but it won't hurt like it does now forever. Over time, the hurt will change, I believe it will never fully be gone but it will be survivable. Please be kind to yourself and gentle with yourself. I am sitting with you offering my support. None of this is easy. Big hugs.
  5. Mymentalhealth

    trigger calendar

    Taleah, sitting with you. Sending you hugs.
  6. Mymentalhealth

    This battle

    Teleah, I am so sorry you are feeling so down. I am very worried about you. I feel as if you need more significant support than you have here. Perhaps you could call the suicide prevention line or check in to the mental health facility in your area. I am extremely worried!!! You have been so down lately, perhaps you need a real professional to help you out of this hole you have slid in. I know your Therapist situation has not been stable of late which makes this all the more difficult. I hear you Taleah. I understand how difficult and long this journey is. It is so tiring. You can do it though. I have faith in you. You are not alone. I have been in your shoes facing those same questions. Keep the faith Taleah. You are so very strong even if you do not see it in yourself. I see it in you. You have been here before. Keep pushing on through these dark thoughts. Your family needs you. You were so screwed by your parents. They were unconscionably cruel to you. Little Taleah was so strong, she made it all this way. Don't give up on her now. She needs you. Your daughter needs her mother too. You need to stay here and take care of both of them. You have such a beautiful soul. I have seen how you support others. Try to do the same for yourself. I am here to support you. I am certain there are many others here sitting with you. I am sending you strong supportive hugs right now. If you want, I will hold you and sing you a lullaby. Sweet dreams my friend. Tomorrow is another day. Baby steps Taleah, baby steps.
  7. Mymentalhealth

    This battle

    Taleah, sitting with you offering strength and hugs.
  8. Mymentalhealth

    My Dark Web

    (((((Teleah)))))) sitting with you. Sending you peace and kindness.
  9. Mymentalhealth

    the forest

    Teleah, you are strong. Stop running, stop and take deep breaths of the beautiful smells in the forest. You and DBNB can enjoy eating marshmallows around the campfire. You are ok. It is all going to be ok. The Darkness is only temporary. The light will be coming soon. Enjoy the sounds and smells of the forest and the laughter and security of your friends joining you around the beautiful campfire. Big hugs being sent your way. Hang in there. This will pass, just hold tight.
  10. Mymentalhealth

    guilty insomnia

    Taleah, I hope you get some sleep tonight. It is so hard to get through the day when you are tired. Insomnia sucks!!!! I am so happy to hear you took your daughter to her T. I am sorry that trying to connect to little Teleah has triggered you. I know what that can be like, I too have fallen victim to that in my past. Be kind to yourself. You have been through so much lately. I will sit with you if you would like. Take care. Sweet dreams.
  11. Mymentalhealth

    guilty insomnia

    Taleah, I am so very sorry you are feeling so low and guilty and shamefull. That is a huge burden you are carrying. I am also sorry you are unable to sleep because of it. You have just undergone an absolutely enormous trauma with your daughter. She may not have been serious and I will get back to that in a minute but no mother should ever have to experience that kind of trauma. Having been through a trauma like that activates the subconscious, it takes you right back to the place you felt so vulnerable and scared. That is called getting retraumatized. This happens often in PTSD patients. It is completely normal that it has taken you back to that nine year old child who was desperately in need of friends. Taleah, like others have said before, what little nine year old girl does not want to have friends. That is so so very normal. Your father was a sick man, he prayed on young children. That is completely his burden to carry not yours. He was the adult, he knew better. He did not protect you or your friends. That was not the job a nine year old child in any way shape or form of the matter. I was abused in my home and I had friends sleep over all the time. That is what little children do. You were a child. I am sorry, I have not looked to see where you are from but in the USA a nine year old child has no rights in most states. You can not even leave them alone in the house in a huge number of states. So if that is the case, how then could you possibly be responsible for others. If you are like me, the adult conscious rational person gets that but my little child who was damaged and hurt so bad does not get that. You talk about being a bad mother to your daughter. No, you are being a bad mother to your inner child. She needs you Taleah, she is scared and vulnerable and she needs you to let her know she was just a little girl who was so in need of love and attention from girls her own age. She was a wonderful little girl and that was so normal. Tell her she was a good little girl. Your father's burden is his to carry not yours and certainly not that little nine year old girl. Be kind to her. She needs you really badly right now. She has just experienced a trauma. Take care of her. Assure little Taleah that you will be there for her. I am not in any way shape or form qualified as a mental health provider, so please please take my next bit of advice as well as my previous advice as just a women speaking her mind. You are not a bad mother to your daughter. You are a mother who has had a very troubled childhood who suffers deeply because of that. Your daughter can see that at times. That does not make you a bad mother. That being said, a child faking suicide enough to scare a friend to call the police to me ( remember I am not trained ) is a child that is seeking emotional attention. She may have been joking but I think she was putting out a call for help. There are a lot of kids who attempt suicide not with the intension of hurting themselves but because they don't know how to ask for help. So my advice to you is don't let this get swept under the rug. You can not worry or feel responsible for those little girls in the past but you can worry about your daughter. Open the lines of communication. Find out what caused her to seek out the attention. If need be get her to a Councelor. The next time you might not be as lucky that she is just making a cry for help. That is some thing you can do now an adult. I am very sorry Taleah you are going through all of this. I hope you realize you have lots of support here. Take care of your little girls. ( your daughter and your little self). Good luck 😊
  12. Mymentalhealth

    ouch

    Teleah, I am sorry you are in so much pain. I am thinking about you. You are not alone. Sending hugs if that is ok
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