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samantha2009

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About samantha2009

  • Rank
    no one
  • Birthday June 28

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    land of ooo
  • Interests
    singing, dancing

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. samantha2009

    I fear...

    Goldie- you are not fragile my friend. It is about that time when we start to realize things for what they were and feel traumatized again. Being numb to the repeated abuse is the way we survived. Now that we are safe from that treatment, we can’t help but see how things were so out of hand with the abuse. It is normal that we collapse every once in a while- we survived horrible things. I am sorry you are feeling this way. Sitting with you always 🌻
  2. I am heartbroken you are feeling haunted also 💔 please know I am always here for you also when you need someone to talk to friend 🌻
  3. Thank you Kim. I hope you can feel and know that you are blameless also friend we just need to remind each other I guess because our own minds won’t allow us to believe it yet 🌻
  4. @Enigma87 gosh I am so sorry these things happened to you When I think about them now a chill comes over me and I can’t sit still. I can still feel the touching. I almost feel like I’m back in those moments all over again its making me nauseated and not able to eat much. even when things were getting obviously sexual I was trying to tell myself it wasn’t really what I thought or it wouldn’t happen again. Anything to be able to stay sane through it all. I have so many memories coming back to me. So many small details of interactions and every one of them I now see in a new light and it’s just so overwhelming! I am also angry nobody seemed to notice. Or If they did nobody cared I seriously find myself zoning out and when I come to I realIze I was in the moments of those memories with him and it almost feels like it just happened again. The body sensations are there even though he isn’t. He’s haunting me! 🤢 sam🌻
  5. @Houston Kim thank you for your validation. It’s pretty messed up to be honest- we all let the victim blaming culture alter how we view the situations we experienced. Even if it is blatantly rape/ assault/ abuse I think the idea of telling our stories we feel the need to almost be defense attorneys questioning our own credibility in all of this. I don’t think that’s very fair. And I’m mad it’s the way things are. It shouldn’t be like this. I don’t want to think these ways. I would never discredit anyone else and it’s maddening we are so quick to do this to ourselves. sam🌻
  6. @Celia thank you i think I remain hard on myself because idk how else to be. Although a piece of me is genuinely surprised you don’t think I am stupid or foolish or ignorant- something. I just wish I could know why or why me. I obsess with finding answers and since I can’t ask him I guess my default is to go to the memories and I cringe thinking about the things that happened before I knew what he was capable of it’s numbing! thank you for sitting with me and the safe hugs- safe hugs back to you sam🖤🌻
  7. not worthy

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      Sitting with you too and sending safe hugs Sam :hug:❤️ You are worthy

    3. samantha2009

      samantha2009

      Thankyou :( 

    4. 8888

      8888

      I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way.  You are worthy, please don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Sitting with you and :hug:if okay.  

  8. I didn’t think you overshared or anything but I am glad to see you are using blogging as a way to let out the memories that are coming back. Sitting with you Mango 🌻
  9. Gosh Celia, thank you for saying these things 😢 I have been feeling very depressed lately and reading these responses has made me feel a bit uplifted. Thank you for sitting with me 🌻
  10. Thank you for taking time to read my story I am so sorry you can relate. I am short on words at the moment but I really wanted to acknowledge That you said very heartwarming things to me and I really appreciate it all at this time especially. I appreciate you 🌻
  11. @mango_star1 please don’t be embarrassed. I really want to reply to your comment when I am in a better headspace. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to my story. It was very hard to write and it’s even harder to keep up. also- I love Mac Miller 😢
  12. i’ll make it heaven even if the gods don’t want me in 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. samantha2009

      samantha2009

      🖤🌻

    3. Selma

      Selma

      If ok I’m sitting with you. 

    4. samantha2009

      samantha2009

      @Selma thank you 🌻

  13. @mango_star1 thank you for reading my story and thank you very much for all the kind, reassuring things you said to me This. You saying this has made me feel so many things. I feel seen. I feel grief for myself. I feel “nice” that someone would want to help me from that harm. I wished for this during that attack. I wished someone would want to hold him accountable. I wished someone would see him as wrong. I still long for people to see him for what he was/ is. I really appreciate you saying the shame is his. I keep trying to remind myself of that. also- not sure it matters but he was a history teacher. I may have made it confusing with the way I worded it with getting help after school with math- but I stupidly decided to get help from him also with a history project and he ended up assaulting me again. I have a hard time with not blaming myself for that second incident specifically i hope you are well also Mango 💜 sam🖤🌻
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