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marcyabadeer

Contributing Member
  • Content Count

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Everything posted by marcyabadeer

  1. 😔 

    1. Show previous comments  13 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      @marcyabadeer, thank you friend same to you, I'm doing okay will be better once it cools down here.

      I'm sorry you've found yourself feeling like you have to try that, honestly I've found myself wanting to just forget it but it's always there.

      Safe hugs :hug: if ok?

    3. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      @Free2Fly thank you for the safe hugs, safe hugs to you also :hug:

       

      i hope it starts to cool down where you are 🥵 

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      @marcyabadeer, your welcome, and thank you for the hugs :hug:.

      Yeah well it should be cooling down today so hopefully although thunder is expected.

  2. you are a fraud 😢 taking others words and making them your own. how could you be so cold and awful? 
     

     

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      @Free2Flythank you. I’m feeling idk, grossed out by people and their intentions. 
       

      @tuliptornnope not talking about myself this time 😆 but thank you for your kindness my friend 

       

      :hug:

    3. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      😄🤣😂😆❤❤❤

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Your welcome, I'm sorry you're feeling like that, there's too much bad in the world.

  3. @feralcat thank you for some insight. It does feel like a morbid curiosity. I want answers or understanding of some kind but I know I won’t find that where I’m looking
  4. :bye:

    1. Show previous comments  23 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Thank you although I think stuffs gonna keep me awake again.

      I'm sorry but yeah I can understand that very much been the last few days for me honestly, you can just be sitting there and bam instant low feelings.

      I'm sorry your stuck between them too.

    3. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      I hope things look up for you soon :(  Sending support to you :hug:

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Thank you Marcy I appreciate it, I hope your doing okay tonight/day whenever it maybe. 🌻

  5. marcyabadeer

    I fear...

    Goldie- you are not fragile my friend. It is about that time when we start to realize things for what they were and feel traumatized again. Being numb to the repeated abuse is the way we survived. Now that we are safe from that treatment, we can’t help but see how things were so out of hand with the abuse. It is normal that we collapse every once in a while- we survived horrible things. I am sorry you are feeling this way. Sitting with you always 🌻
  6. Thank you Kim. I hope you can feel and know that you are blameless also friend we just need to remind each other I guess because our own minds won’t allow us to believe it yet 🌻
  7. @Houston Kim thank you for your validation. It’s pretty messed up to be honest- we all let the victim blaming culture alter how we view the situations we experienced. Even if it is blatantly rape/ assault/ abuse I think the idea of telling our stories we feel the need to almost be defense attorneys questioning our own credibility in all of this. I don’t think that’s very fair. And I’m mad it’s the way things are. It shouldn’t be like this. I don’t want to think these ways. I would never discredit anyone else and it’s maddening we are so quick to do this to ourselves. sam
  8. @Celia thank you i think I remain hard on myself because idk how else to be. Although a piece of me is genuinely surprised you don’t think I am stupid or foolish or ignorant- something. I just wish I could know why or why me. I obsess with finding answers and since I can’t ask him I guess my default is to go to the memories and I cringe thinking about the things that happened before I knew what he was capable of it’s numbing! thank you for sitting with me and the safe hugs- safe hugs back to you sam🖤🌻
  9. Gosh Celia, thank you for saying these things 😢 I have been feeling very depressed lately and reading these responses has made me feel a bit uplifted. Thank you for sitting with me 🌻
  10. Thank you for taking time to read my story I am so sorry you can relate. I am short on words at the moment but I really wanted to acknowledge That you said very heartwarming things to me and I really appreciate it all at this time especially. I appreciate you 🌻
  11. i’m stuck here :( 

    1. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug:If ok?

    2. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      @Free2Fly thank you. Safe hugs back to you :hug:

    3. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      Stuck here too Sam 😪

  12. I will sit with you in the loneliness if ok? I know when I am affected by things around me, I also tend to take it very personally and wonder what is so wrong with ME? I can say because I am an extremely empathetic person, things bother me a little more and I internalize issues that may not have anything specifically to do with me. Leaving me feel burnt out and unworthy of basic human social interaction. You are worthy of companionship with your partner. My partner is currently in therapy so it makes it slightly a bit easier for him to be a little more sympathetic but he wasn’t alwa
  13. sitting with you if ok? You are not alone- I feel this way too much lately 💔 sending support to you sam🖤🌻
  14. @Houston Kim, thank you so much for your endless support 💜 hugs are always welcome thank you for reminding me where the shame is warranted- I struggle too much with blaming myself sam🖤🌻
  15. @Sunflower198 Hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry you recently realized these encounters were not consensual. You are not alone in this at all. I think as we get older we tend to realize a lot of things weren't how they seemed in the moments they were happening. I can relate to you myself with my own encounters! It was about 9 years after the fact that I realized these things for myself. Please know you are not at fault for knowing these things in those moments. The fact that you only realized this now doesn't take away from the horror of his actions or the validity of your pain
  16. marcyabadeer

    Contemplating Life

    Me too. Sorry for the pain you feel
  17. Hello @Backto3 and welcome to After Silence. I am sorry you have reasons that bring you here, but we are glad you've found us. I didn't know what to expect the first time I signed up either- 10 years ago- but what I ended up finding was a supportive community where I made friends who actually understood some of the things I was feeling/ going through. It was a bit eye opening for my healing journey. I hope you are able to find some of the same support and comfort here that a lot of us members find and keep us coming back. Please know you are not alone and we are all here for you sending
  18. Hello @fiercekitten and welcome to After Silence. I am sorry you have to see your abusive ex that must be very triggering for you. I hope you are able to continue to see you DV counselor soon- it seems like that was a great source of support for you. The forums here are also full of extremely supportive members and resources about so many things- DV being one of them. I hope you are able to find comfort here in knowing that you are not alone. Sending you support! sam 🖤🌻
  19. Hello @Bunni3 and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry you had to see such a traumatizing thing on a public, social media outlet. The horrible things I would see all the time on those platforms is why I have kept my distance for my own personal well being. Gosh, I can imagine seeing that must have been extremely triggering. I know it would have sent me into a spiral Is there a counselor or a therapist that you can talk to about this? I would imagine trying to ground yourself with pleasant things you enjoy can maybe take you out of the headspace where you are having "audio flashbacks". Mayb
  20. Hello @13rose Welcome to After Silence! I am so sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but we are happy you are here with us. I am glad to hear you are in a safe, happy relationship- that can always be a source of comforting support through the healing process. It is unfortunate your ex was able to keep your cat I can imagine that must be very sad and painful for you. Sending you support if ok? I hope being here on the forums helps you feel less alone through the grieving process. Sitting with you too, if ok sam 🖤🌻
  21. Hello Isa Welcome to After Silence! I am sorry for the trauma that brings you to the forums, but we are very glad you are here with us now Being here on the site, one thing you will learn quickly is you are not alone in this struggle. We are all here for each other. I know when I tend to feel absolutely isolated in my personal life, I come here and have felt the support from others many times where I felt completely hopeless. I hope you know you will never be a burden here ! Thank you for posting such an uplifting message at the end of your post. You are right- no more feeling alone!
  22. Hello Mikya Welcome to After Silence! We are so glad you've joined us. I hope being here can help you process some of the things you are dealing with in therapy. There is actually a section here specifically about therapy sessions and topics related to what is dealt with in those settings. I hope this site can be as helpful for you as it is for me and other members here- I have learned so much about my own healing through other members experiences and information they have provided. It really is eye opening being here! We believe you. Your trauma is valid and you deserve to find pe
  23. marcyabadeer

    New

    Hello @Polk and welcome to After Silence. I am sorry to hear that you have trauma that brings you here to the forums, but we are glad you found us Healing is definitely a complicated thing for everyone- being here helps us all feel not so alone during the process. It is also different for each one of us here,but you will find there are always people that can relate to your posts and posts that other members have made that may answer some questions you may have about your own struggles. I really hope this site can bring comfort to you-at least in knowing you are not alone through this. S
  24. fear is the mind killer- i must not fear

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